i'm sure you always feel my eyes on you...
There are certain moments-- romantic moments-- that I will never in my life time forget (i hope)
I will never forget the first time M and I kissed-- on his couch watching some movie, his heart racing and me making the first move.
G-- nibbline my lip in a totally silly, abandoned, and vulnerable way because we were both so comfortable with each other in that moment, even though it was our first night ever spent together as friends and as more.
MR clasping Mardi Gras beads somebody gave him at school around my neck; and the time he swept me off of my feet and carried me to my car just because.
Listening to the rain fall on New Years while G-- quietly rubbed my back.
The first time M told me he was in love with me, and the first time he asked me to marry him.
I've been listening to the Starting Line's "Playing Favorites," and it's just such an amazingly heartwarming song that it evokes for me all these moments all at once. I can't even feel that sad about them, or about how the boys I spent them with are past, because I remember that I was lucky to even experience these things at all. I have suffered for "love," but I have also been spoiled. I have been treated like shit, and treated like I am the only girl who matters in the world.
To be angry with the way things turn out; to bar friendships just because of the memories you have with a person; to always go to bed sad-- it's a waste. It's valid and understandible to experience all these things, but for me to continually put myself through it is just a waste of what each of those relationships have given and taught me. MR showed me the beauty of innocent relationships. M taught me how to love someone else and how to be loved by someone else. And even though my relationship with G-- is inevitably what ended my relationship with M, what G-- showed me is that it is possible to be happy with somebody else, and what illusion looks like next to love.
For now, I'm going to bed alone. But listening to this song gives me hope that someday, I will not. Listening to this song reminds me to enjoy the memories that I have, and rather than let them drag me down, let them buoy me to what's next...
"I'm sure you always feel my eyes on you
But I hope you never feel unwanted
Wait for me to move out West
I don't care if you don't
I hope you know you're my favorite thing
About the West Coast
I wish I'd stayed
I hope you wait--
So here I am, counting down the days
Till California comes"
I will never forget the first time M and I kissed-- on his couch watching some movie, his heart racing and me making the first move.
G-- nibbline my lip in a totally silly, abandoned, and vulnerable way because we were both so comfortable with each other in that moment, even though it was our first night ever spent together as friends and as more.
MR clasping Mardi Gras beads somebody gave him at school around my neck; and the time he swept me off of my feet and carried me to my car just because.
Listening to the rain fall on New Years while G-- quietly rubbed my back.
The first time M told me he was in love with me, and the first time he asked me to marry him.
I've been listening to the Starting Line's "Playing Favorites," and it's just such an amazingly heartwarming song that it evokes for me all these moments all at once. I can't even feel that sad about them, or about how the boys I spent them with are past, because I remember that I was lucky to even experience these things at all. I have suffered for "love," but I have also been spoiled. I have been treated like shit, and treated like I am the only girl who matters in the world.
To be angry with the way things turn out; to bar friendships just because of the memories you have with a person; to always go to bed sad-- it's a waste. It's valid and understandible to experience all these things, but for me to continually put myself through it is just a waste of what each of those relationships have given and taught me. MR showed me the beauty of innocent relationships. M taught me how to love someone else and how to be loved by someone else. And even though my relationship with G-- is inevitably what ended my relationship with M, what G-- showed me is that it is possible to be happy with somebody else, and what illusion looks like next to love.
For now, I'm going to bed alone. But listening to this song gives me hope that someday, I will not. Listening to this song reminds me to enjoy the memories that I have, and rather than let them drag me down, let them buoy me to what's next...
"I'm sure you always feel my eyes on you
But I hope you never feel unwanted
Wait for me to move out West
I don't care if you don't
I hope you know you're my favorite thing
About the West Coast
I wish I'd stayed
I hope you wait--
So here I am, counting down the days
Till California comes"