eventually...there will be light.
Confidence, self-esteem, self-worth. Value. Appreciation of self. Love thy self.
Commands from the man on high, strict orders from our mothers. I love you. You are wonderful and don't let anybody ever tell you different.
From birth, assuming we are lucky enough to grow up in a relatively stable and supportive environment--as I have been so fortunate--we have it ingrained in our brains that we are GREAT. We are worthy. We can have hopes and dreams and more hope and we can shoot for the moon and even reach the stars.
So what is it that causes so many to settle for the nearest light switch? We flip the switch and we call that "making a change". We wear it on our sleeves and on our canvas grocery bags. We may take small actions to better ourselves, to brighten our days (and occassionaly the days of others, if we're really feeling daring). But then the switch shuts OFF again.
and ON.
and OFF.
and ON.
and OFF.
A slick switch-a-roo, a quick fix.
This happens because it is easy and it is temporary. Check the box, you did something today. Congratulations.
But this is not the definition of accomplishment., not in the long term sense. For doing laundry on a Saturday morning, sure, but for anything else, not so much. "Well done" is too often confused with "the end".
For me personally, accomplishments have a certain degree of permance attached to them. Like learning to play Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata" on the piano. I learned it when I was 11 years old. Once you have learned and studied a song like this one, it is always there, even when time has passed and your fingers have not touched each of those keys in that exact order, in that exact harmony and crecendo, your foot pumping the pedal with the beat of the end of every measure. Somewhere in your body's deepest tissues, those notes forever live. They have been heard, touched, and learned. It is a success that cannot be readiliy taken away.
It is these kinds of successes that are consistently overlooked and kicked to the curb, like a cell phone from one year ago. Nobody carries a flip phone anymore. It only calls people.
We (myself included) have become so obsessed with the idea of tangible, visible results that we fail to recognize the fortune cookie-like message that is staring back at us, right in the face, if only we would choose to see it.
Be grateful for what you are given. Every action that you have taken is a stone in the pathway you are paving. It may be a pebble of gravel or a fucking huge slab of slate, but the point is not its size. It is that it COUNTS. Every action is a contribution towards getting to the final destination, whatever that may be.
This mystery, I believe, is the reason for our short temprament. If we don't know what it is, why should we be motivated? It is so much easier to do what we know so that we can measure the results and, consequently, feel confidence in them. Hence, the "good job" affirmations and "you're #1!!" quantitative confirmations.
So what does it take to live out the fortune cookie prophecy of being truly appreciative of all that is beneath the tangible and visible?
Just one thing: willingness to be vulnerable.
In order to do this, I must first convince myself that I can be. And second, that is is OKAY to be. Vulnerability is not going to kill me, though it often feels to me like it might be. I do not like to feel out of control, I do not like to let myself out of my own sight. I keep close watch, 24/7, and as you might guess, it is exhausting.
I know I can't keep it anymore but it has become a habit that I can't shake.
I am trying in so many ways, but none that stick yet. I must keep telling myself to try again, and again, and again. Keep taking chances. Because perhaps chance is just another way to convince ourselves that we are vulnerable.
Eventually that light will come one.
Commands from the man on high, strict orders from our mothers. I love you. You are wonderful and don't let anybody ever tell you different.
From birth, assuming we are lucky enough to grow up in a relatively stable and supportive environment--as I have been so fortunate--we have it ingrained in our brains that we are GREAT. We are worthy. We can have hopes and dreams and more hope and we can shoot for the moon and even reach the stars.
So what is it that causes so many to settle for the nearest light switch? We flip the switch and we call that "making a change". We wear it on our sleeves and on our canvas grocery bags. We may take small actions to better ourselves, to brighten our days (and occassionaly the days of others, if we're really feeling daring). But then the switch shuts OFF again.
and ON.
and OFF.
and ON.
and OFF.
A slick switch-a-roo, a quick fix.
This happens because it is easy and it is temporary. Check the box, you did something today. Congratulations.
But this is not the definition of accomplishment., not in the long term sense. For doing laundry on a Saturday morning, sure, but for anything else, not so much. "Well done" is too often confused with "the end".
For me personally, accomplishments have a certain degree of permance attached to them. Like learning to play Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata" on the piano. I learned it when I was 11 years old. Once you have learned and studied a song like this one, it is always there, even when time has passed and your fingers have not touched each of those keys in that exact order, in that exact harmony and crecendo, your foot pumping the pedal with the beat of the end of every measure. Somewhere in your body's deepest tissues, those notes forever live. They have been heard, touched, and learned. It is a success that cannot be readiliy taken away.
It is these kinds of successes that are consistently overlooked and kicked to the curb, like a cell phone from one year ago. Nobody carries a flip phone anymore. It only calls people.
We (myself included) have become so obsessed with the idea of tangible, visible results that we fail to recognize the fortune cookie-like message that is staring back at us, right in the face, if only we would choose to see it.
Be grateful for what you are given. Every action that you have taken is a stone in the pathway you are paving. It may be a pebble of gravel or a fucking huge slab of slate, but the point is not its size. It is that it COUNTS. Every action is a contribution towards getting to the final destination, whatever that may be.
This mystery, I believe, is the reason for our short temprament. If we don't know what it is, why should we be motivated? It is so much easier to do what we know so that we can measure the results and, consequently, feel confidence in them. Hence, the "good job" affirmations and "you're #1!!" quantitative confirmations.
So what does it take to live out the fortune cookie prophecy of being truly appreciative of all that is beneath the tangible and visible?
Just one thing: willingness to be vulnerable.
In order to do this, I must first convince myself that I can be. And second, that is is OKAY to be. Vulnerability is not going to kill me, though it often feels to me like it might be. I do not like to feel out of control, I do not like to let myself out of my own sight. I keep close watch, 24/7, and as you might guess, it is exhausting.
I know I can't keep it anymore but it has become a habit that I can't shake.
I am trying in so many ways, but none that stick yet. I must keep telling myself to try again, and again, and again. Keep taking chances. Because perhaps chance is just another way to convince ourselves that we are vulnerable.
Eventually that light will come one.