The Journey
I've had this journal for a long time, a lot of things have happened to me since it's conception, but the same question always surfaces from time to time, am I happy with the way things turned out?
Simply put, I don't know
Have I been productive? Sure, I have a black belt now, go to a decent university and am actually probably going to graduate this semester, I have good friends which thankfully I haven't managed to mess up. It's pretty cool, but i've also lost things or let things go that were very important to me, in that regard i'm a coward, and I see it one of 3 ways:
Things involved in your life that you wish to have are hard to attain, things in your life that you attained are time consuming, but less difficult to keep, things once involved in your life but have been severed are DAMN near impossible to attain.
Because the truth is you are just a stranger, you have no better chance than any other stranger, and if it's a girl you are talking about and they are married, then you are pretty much completely fucked. The problem with the last one is that you can't necessarily blame them for not wanting anything to do with you, you can only blame yourself and wonder how things might have been different had it been the past. Christian is probably the only exception to this rule I know, he moved away and I figured i'd never see him again, but 3 chapters without him in a completely different world and cast and years later he came back, and through a good friend named Jared we basically re-met. We had put up with each other's crap all those years and to this day he remains my best friend. I suppose some might call that fate.
When I look back on this, i'll probably just accept things as they are and shurg it off, maybe this is just who I am, I don't know.
So my message would be, be very careful about the choices made in life, once something is out of the picture, there may very well be no turning back, and a lifetime of regret. Then again, it could just be a part of your destiny.
Has my life been terrible? Hell no, i've been able to enjoy life with friends and family, I didn't tie myself down early and thus have reaped the rewards of being able to hang with my friends rather freely. The same goes for family and when I go to Japan for a bit I won't have a girlfriend here tieing me down, I can explore Japan, and use what is left of the youth I have to truely be free, but then what? When I return will I be content with this life? Am I? I think I just might be, the truth is that being this person, a single person has a lot of benefits, it makes hanging out with people easier because your priorities are less, you can be more attentive with your family too, it's not a terrible thing. To those I let go I truely am sorry, and will forever be for being weak, to those who let me go, they can fuck off, and unfortunately as loyal as I am to those around me, to those who have really fucked me over, I never forget, and i'm just as resentful and unforgetting as you can get. I never forget the pain i've caused others, nor do I ever forget the pain inflicted upon me, thus shaping me into the person I am today. Meloncholic would be a good way to describe it, a little sour and sweet.
It's good to jot down your thoughts, when it's all said and done I never realize just how my entries will turn out till they are finished
Simply put, I don't know
Have I been productive? Sure, I have a black belt now, go to a decent university and am actually probably going to graduate this semester, I have good friends which thankfully I haven't managed to mess up. It's pretty cool, but i've also lost things or let things go that were very important to me, in that regard i'm a coward, and I see it one of 3 ways:
Things involved in your life that you wish to have are hard to attain, things in your life that you attained are time consuming, but less difficult to keep, things once involved in your life but have been severed are DAMN near impossible to attain.
Because the truth is you are just a stranger, you have no better chance than any other stranger, and if it's a girl you are talking about and they are married, then you are pretty much completely fucked. The problem with the last one is that you can't necessarily blame them for not wanting anything to do with you, you can only blame yourself and wonder how things might have been different had it been the past. Christian is probably the only exception to this rule I know, he moved away and I figured i'd never see him again, but 3 chapters without him in a completely different world and cast and years later he came back, and through a good friend named Jared we basically re-met. We had put up with each other's crap all those years and to this day he remains my best friend. I suppose some might call that fate.
When I look back on this, i'll probably just accept things as they are and shurg it off, maybe this is just who I am, I don't know.
So my message would be, be very careful about the choices made in life, once something is out of the picture, there may very well be no turning back, and a lifetime of regret. Then again, it could just be a part of your destiny.
Has my life been terrible? Hell no, i've been able to enjoy life with friends and family, I didn't tie myself down early and thus have reaped the rewards of being able to hang with my friends rather freely. The same goes for family and when I go to Japan for a bit I won't have a girlfriend here tieing me down, I can explore Japan, and use what is left of the youth I have to truely be free, but then what? When I return will I be content with this life? Am I? I think I just might be, the truth is that being this person, a single person has a lot of benefits, it makes hanging out with people easier because your priorities are less, you can be more attentive with your family too, it's not a terrible thing. To those I let go I truely am sorry, and will forever be for being weak, to those who let me go, they can fuck off, and unfortunately as loyal as I am to those around me, to those who have really fucked me over, I never forget, and i'm just as resentful and unforgetting as you can get. I never forget the pain i've caused others, nor do I ever forget the pain inflicted upon me, thus shaping me into the person I am today. Meloncholic would be a good way to describe it, a little sour and sweet.
It's good to jot down your thoughts, when it's all said and done I never realize just how my entries will turn out till they are finished