(no subject)
I reached some kind of breaking point last night.
And not one where I reached the limit of my sanity or had a meltdown or exploded into fiery anger, but one where I thought clearly and then cried and understood.
Some kind of huge wall broke down.
Some kind of problem was figured out.
Some part of me realized that the way I deal with things is not to let it build up and explode and it's not necessary to hold negative emotions or stress or any of it.
I realized that telling myself it was something to work on, that it was a disorder or a problem I have and that maybe I should just go to therapy but don't have the money is just an excuse to let things get to me like that, to explode angrily when uncalled for.
I realized that the way I always used to deal with things was to let it roll off my back. That's how I always did, and it's not anyone else's fault but me coming to terms with the fact that someone broke down my walls. Someone got inside my head and made me feel. Someone's teaching me new things and helping me learn a natural human's reactions to situations and how to truly care for another human being.
And me being oblivious, I thought I already knew. I thought that I'd had the gist of it up until the point that I was at a loss as to what action I should take.
And I've figured it out and there's no reason why I can't just let things continue to roll off my back. I really am a very level headed person. I know it.
I feel at peace
I took a breath last night and it was perfect and calm, like I'd exhaled a huge burden I'd been carrying.
And not one where I reached the limit of my sanity or had a meltdown or exploded into fiery anger, but one where I thought clearly and then cried and understood.
Some kind of huge wall broke down.
Some kind of problem was figured out.
Some part of me realized that the way I deal with things is not to let it build up and explode and it's not necessary to hold negative emotions or stress or any of it.
I realized that telling myself it was something to work on, that it was a disorder or a problem I have and that maybe I should just go to therapy but don't have the money is just an excuse to let things get to me like that, to explode angrily when uncalled for.
I realized that the way I always used to deal with things was to let it roll off my back. That's how I always did, and it's not anyone else's fault but me coming to terms with the fact that someone broke down my walls. Someone got inside my head and made me feel. Someone's teaching me new things and helping me learn a natural human's reactions to situations and how to truly care for another human being.
And me being oblivious, I thought I already knew. I thought that I'd had the gist of it up until the point that I was at a loss as to what action I should take.
And I've figured it out and there's no reason why I can't just let things continue to roll off my back. I really am a very level headed person. I know it.
I feel at peace
I took a breath last night and it was perfect and calm, like I'd exhaled a huge burden I'd been carrying.