Pottergåte
Just a little something that entered my mind when reading Stargate SG-1 transcripts. An idea of Daniel as Harry, Jack as Ron and Sam as Hermione was way too much... so it had to be written down. This is only the very beginning. I intend to continue, whether you like it or not, but hey, you can always skip the whole thing, so take your pitchforks and rocks elsewhere, will ya. ^^ The story opens best if you're familiar with both Stargate and Harry Potter. And for the record, yeah, Danny and Teal'c really talk in such manner. Comments are always nice. :)
TITLE: Pottergåte
RATING: R. Nothing you couldn't read while your boss/mother is looking over your shoulder.
GENRE: Humor, Parody, Gen
FANDOM: Harry Potter/Stargåte SG-1 crossover
VERSION: Beta.
COMPLETED: Obviously no
DISCLAIMER: The characters are not mine, otherwise this wouldn't be called fanfic. No one in their right mind would pay me anything for writing such sillyness. Oh no, I've got a dull dayjob. I humbly ask that you won't sue me; you won't get much from me, and besides, my father is a lawyer.
SCENE: Daniel’s home
*Daniel is examining a curious-looking alien artifact while sitting in front of his computer, trying to translate the pictograms. Goes through several pictogram libraries, mumbling something*
DANIEL Okay I’m pretty sure I got it *somewhere*
*A screech is heard from the door. Daniel slightly raises his head and listens for a while, then returns to the translation. A noise is heard again, this time louder.*
DANIEL Hello…?
*Stands up and manages to take a few steps towards the door when it’s suddenly crashed down. Daniel instinctively covers his head*
DANIEL: Whoa!
*As dust settles, a shape emerges. We see that it’s Teal’c dressed in dark green robes identical to those in Year 2010*
DANIEL Umm, okay that was um pretty impressive entrance, I-I admit, but you know I’d appreciate if you could umm fix my door. You know, back the way it was?
TEAL’C *stares*
DANIEL Never mind the door… It was too hot here anyway… Who are you?
TEAL’C *stares*
DANIEL Not that I’m rude or anything, but I wasn’t really expecting visitors, so you have to excuse the mess. Oh yeah, and if you don’t mind, could you uh please knock next time?
TEAL’C I am not familiar with Muggle ways.
DANIEL Muggle- what?
TEAL’C Muggle. It is my belief that you have adopted Muggle identity to live amongst the society of Muggles.
DANIEL: Umm, I think you’ve mistaken me… for someone else… I’m Dr. Daniel Jackson, scientist or rather archeologist, which is a good excuse for all this stuff.
TEAL’C It is you who have been mistaken, Daniel Potter.
DANIEL: What did you just call me??
TEAL’C I have been ordered to reveal you your true identity, Daniel Potter, for we are in need of your assistance. You are a Wizard.
DANIEL I really don’t wanna jump into conclusions here, but either someone forgot to take their daily meds or I’m losing it… I think I should take a break. Whoah, look at the time, I really should be… elsewhere. *tries to look something that could be used as weapon* Ummm… Who are you?
TEAL’C I am known as Teal’c, the Keeper of Ke’yz in Wizard Academy of Ho’gwarts.
DANIEL Wizard Academy. Okay, I never knew there where schools for Wizards. Logical, though, I guess they need to be trained like everybody else.
TEAL’C There is much you are not aware of, Daniel Potter.
DANIEL I agree with that, but really, I’m not not not a Wizard nor Potter. I’m Daniel *Jackson*, I’m telling you you’ve got a wrong guy…
TEAL’C Whether you believe it or not, is irrelevant. For now I have come to accompany you in your journey to Ho’gwarts.
DANIEL Ohh, here’s where we differ, see, I don’t really intent to go and find out if there’s this place called Ho’gwarts, I need to finish this translation-
TEAL’C *grabs Daniel* I am sorry, Daniel Potter, but if you will not agree to leave with me immediately, I must take you against your wish. Time is of the essence.
DANIEL Oh. Help, help, heeeeeeelp, I’m being kidnappummphhmum…
SCENE Teal’c and Daniel enter the purple Goa’uld mothership, “G’night Bus”.
DANIEL This thing flies????
TEAL’C Indeed.
DANIEL I sure hope it does that all the way there… wherever there is.
TEAL’C This ship is more than capable of deep space journeys. We shall enter hyperspace soon. You are safe, Daniel Potter.
DANIEL That sure makes me feel better… *pause* What makes you think I’m a Wizard?
TEAL’C Have you ever wondered how you are able to perform those deeds?
DANIEL Not really… wait, what deeds?
TEAL’C You are indeed remarkably skilled in ancient Par’seltongue, the language of the false Wizards.
DANIEL Well admittedly, I speak 23 languages, but none called Par’seltongue. Never heard of it.
TEAL’C You know it by name Goa’uld.
DANIEL Oh yeah, that.
TEAL’C The Wizard blood in your veins run true.
DANIEL Wait… you don’t mean to say my parents were Wizards, too?
TEAL’C Your sire was. The females who possess the ability to conjure magic, are called Witches.
DANIEL Little sexist, don’t you think.
TEAL’C *stares*
DANIEL Never mind. But you’re wrong, I mean, I’m positive my parents were not uh magical. They were archeologists, just like me.
TEAL’C They pretended to be, to hide their true nature for your protection.
DANIEL No! This is absurd! Why would’ve they needed to protect me, other than from dirty diapers?
TEAL’C A false Wizard whose name we do not speak attempted to slay you shortly after you were born. Your parents sacrificed themselves that you would live.
DANIEL That’s… My parents died in accident when I was eight… I know because I was there, I saw it, witnessed it. They were supervising the presentation of ancient Egypt collection museum at New York, when a sarcophagus collapsed and crushed them. I saw them die.
TEAL’C Your memory serves you not correct, Daniel Potter. It was the Dark Lord who slew your parents because they wished not to serve him as their god.
DANIEL You saying he dropped the sarcophagus or something??
TEAL’C You have since been living with your evil foster parents.
DANIEL Whoa, they are definitely not evil… little annoying, perhaps, but but, they took me in cos my grandfather didn’t want to. He thought I was too much bother - well er he was possibly right, but -
TEAL’C You have no living relatives, Daniel Potter.
DANIEL Yes, I have, my grandfather. Last time I heard, he’s alive.
TEAL’C Until yesterday he was.
DANIEL W-WHAT?!? DON’T TELL ME HE’S DEAD?
TEAL’C *stares*
DANIEL Is he?
TEAL’C You wished me not to say.
DANIEL Okay, tell me.
To be continued...
TITLE: Pottergåte
RATING: R. Nothing you couldn't read while your boss/mother is looking over your shoulder.
GENRE: Humor, Parody, Gen
FANDOM: Harry Potter/Stargåte SG-1 crossover
VERSION: Beta.
COMPLETED: Obviously no
DISCLAIMER: The characters are not mine, otherwise this wouldn't be called fanfic. No one in their right mind would pay me anything for writing such sillyness. Oh no, I've got a dull dayjob. I humbly ask that you won't sue me; you won't get much from me, and besides, my father is a lawyer.
SCENE: Daniel’s home
*Daniel is examining a curious-looking alien artifact while sitting in front of his computer, trying to translate the pictograms. Goes through several pictogram libraries, mumbling something*
DANIEL Okay I’m pretty sure I got it *somewhere*
*A screech is heard from the door. Daniel slightly raises his head and listens for a while, then returns to the translation. A noise is heard again, this time louder.*
DANIEL Hello…?
*Stands up and manages to take a few steps towards the door when it’s suddenly crashed down. Daniel instinctively covers his head*
DANIEL: Whoa!
*As dust settles, a shape emerges. We see that it’s Teal’c dressed in dark green robes identical to those in Year 2010*
DANIEL Umm, okay that was um pretty impressive entrance, I-I admit, but you know I’d appreciate if you could umm fix my door. You know, back the way it was?
TEAL’C *stares*
DANIEL Never mind the door… It was too hot here anyway… Who are you?
TEAL’C *stares*
DANIEL Not that I’m rude or anything, but I wasn’t really expecting visitors, so you have to excuse the mess. Oh yeah, and if you don’t mind, could you uh please knock next time?
TEAL’C I am not familiar with Muggle ways.
DANIEL Muggle- what?
TEAL’C Muggle. It is my belief that you have adopted Muggle identity to live amongst the society of Muggles.
DANIEL: Umm, I think you’ve mistaken me… for someone else… I’m Dr. Daniel Jackson, scientist or rather archeologist, which is a good excuse for all this stuff.
TEAL’C It is you who have been mistaken, Daniel Potter.
DANIEL: What did you just call me??
TEAL’C I have been ordered to reveal you your true identity, Daniel Potter, for we are in need of your assistance. You are a Wizard.
DANIEL I really don’t wanna jump into conclusions here, but either someone forgot to take their daily meds or I’m losing it… I think I should take a break. Whoah, look at the time, I really should be… elsewhere. *tries to look something that could be used as weapon* Ummm… Who are you?
TEAL’C I am known as Teal’c, the Keeper of Ke’yz in Wizard Academy of Ho’gwarts.
DANIEL Wizard Academy. Okay, I never knew there where schools for Wizards. Logical, though, I guess they need to be trained like everybody else.
TEAL’C There is much you are not aware of, Daniel Potter.
DANIEL I agree with that, but really, I’m not not not a Wizard nor Potter. I’m Daniel *Jackson*, I’m telling you you’ve got a wrong guy…
TEAL’C Whether you believe it or not, is irrelevant. For now I have come to accompany you in your journey to Ho’gwarts.
DANIEL Ohh, here’s where we differ, see, I don’t really intent to go and find out if there’s this place called Ho’gwarts, I need to finish this translation-
TEAL’C *grabs Daniel* I am sorry, Daniel Potter, but if you will not agree to leave with me immediately, I must take you against your wish. Time is of the essence.
DANIEL Oh. Help, help, heeeeeeelp, I’m being kidnappummphhmum…
SCENE Teal’c and Daniel enter the purple Goa’uld mothership, “G’night Bus”.
DANIEL This thing flies????
TEAL’C Indeed.
DANIEL I sure hope it does that all the way there… wherever there is.
TEAL’C This ship is more than capable of deep space journeys. We shall enter hyperspace soon. You are safe, Daniel Potter.
DANIEL That sure makes me feel better… *pause* What makes you think I’m a Wizard?
TEAL’C Have you ever wondered how you are able to perform those deeds?
DANIEL Not really… wait, what deeds?
TEAL’C You are indeed remarkably skilled in ancient Par’seltongue, the language of the false Wizards.
DANIEL Well admittedly, I speak 23 languages, but none called Par’seltongue. Never heard of it.
TEAL’C You know it by name Goa’uld.
DANIEL Oh yeah, that.
TEAL’C The Wizard blood in your veins run true.
DANIEL Wait… you don’t mean to say my parents were Wizards, too?
TEAL’C Your sire was. The females who possess the ability to conjure magic, are called Witches.
DANIEL Little sexist, don’t you think.
TEAL’C *stares*
DANIEL Never mind. But you’re wrong, I mean, I’m positive my parents were not uh magical. They were archeologists, just like me.
TEAL’C They pretended to be, to hide their true nature for your protection.
DANIEL No! This is absurd! Why would’ve they needed to protect me, other than from dirty diapers?
TEAL’C A false Wizard whose name we do not speak attempted to slay you shortly after you were born. Your parents sacrificed themselves that you would live.
DANIEL That’s… My parents died in accident when I was eight… I know because I was there, I saw it, witnessed it. They were supervising the presentation of ancient Egypt collection museum at New York, when a sarcophagus collapsed and crushed them. I saw them die.
TEAL’C Your memory serves you not correct, Daniel Potter. It was the Dark Lord who slew your parents because they wished not to serve him as their god.
DANIEL You saying he dropped the sarcophagus or something??
TEAL’C You have since been living with your evil foster parents.
DANIEL Whoa, they are definitely not evil… little annoying, perhaps, but but, they took me in cos my grandfather didn’t want to. He thought I was too much bother - well er he was possibly right, but -
TEAL’C You have no living relatives, Daniel Potter.
DANIEL Yes, I have, my grandfather. Last time I heard, he’s alive.
TEAL’C Until yesterday he was.
DANIEL W-WHAT?!? DON’T TELL ME HE’S DEAD?
TEAL’C *stares*
DANIEL Is he?
TEAL’C You wished me not to say.
DANIEL Okay, tell me.
To be continued...