Boku no Yakuza Aijin, Part 4
Sachiko carried the originals of those first three “chapters” around with her, looking at and re-reading them until the edges bent and the graphite drawn on the pages started to come away on her hands. Even though she knew it would cause the images to smear, she couldn't help but trace her fingers over Jin and Kamenashi's features on each of the pages as she went through them. Now that she had the basis of their relationship down, she couldn't wait to develop it, but the fact that she left them on such a complicated note at the conclusion of her last scene made doing so rather difficult.
As it stood, after his last encounter with Jin, Kamenashi wanted very little to do with him. His reaction was understandable, really, given that being intimate with Jin in that way had completely broken him down, obliterating the tight control he usually conducted himself with faster and more effectively than any other situation he had come across in his career had managed to do. And that, to put it frankly, scared the shit out of him. Though it wasn't like him to shirk responsibilities, even after the mole was identified and the threat was “taken care of” (as was the preferred turn of phrase within the organization for referring to particularly dirty business being carried out), he still put off going to fetch the necklace from Jin.
But the beauty of Sachiko's position as the mangaka was that even though Kamenashi was going to great lengths to avoid seeing Jin again, she had the power to force them back together. Enter Koki. Though it was his job to follow his charge and best friend around, if, after the organization's boss stepped in to purge the mole and deal with the head of the rival clan who sent him, Kamenashi still avoided going to get the pendant back, he would take advantage of his position to get his ass in gear. If he failed to respond to general hounding (“C'mon, Kame! I need my share of the money from that deal to pay for my ass tattoos!”), he'd progress to making elaborate hand gestures for, “Gimme money!” in his face every time he saw him, which was quite often, and if being obnoxious didn't work, he could always fall back on rapping (“Just go get the damn thing already! Do or die hikaru xxx gold chain~♪”).
But what would finally make Kamenashi give in and go wouldn't be the constant nagging and outrageous behavior. It'd be the knowing looks Koki would always send him, showing him that he knew there was more going on here than just crime politics and money. Though Koki wouldn't necessarily come out and say anything about it, Kamenashi would know very well the kind of feeling his friend would be trying to convey, and he'd find the overall message of, “I know what you're going through is tough, but you've got to find the strength to face it,” ultimately unnecessary. He would feel he didn't need that kind of sympathy and go just to spite him...
Kamenashi's about halfway to Jin's apartment when he realizes he's been fooled with good-old reverse psychology. “...Fuck,” he murmurs, impetuously kicking at some pebbles beneath his feet.
He's been dreading this meeting for reasons that should be obvious to anyone who knows him well and knows what happened (essentially just Koki), but now that he's on his way, his sense of responsibility starts to come back to him. The whole time he walks, he chides himself for letting his personal issues get in the way of important clan business, and he vows to keep his emotions out of the rest of his dealings with Jin. Regardless of what the waiter says or does, he won't react. He's just going to go there, get the necklace, and walk right back out again. No stalling, no talking about anything other than the necklace, and definitely no alcohol.
Of course, even for highly organized and driven people like Kamenashi Kazuya, things rarely go according to plan.
He makes it to Jin's apartment without incident and pulls the brim of his hat lower over his eyes when he enters the building. He receives odd looks from some of the residents hovering around the lobby when he fails to remove his sunglasses once he's escaped the brightness of the late-afternoon sun, but he ignores them. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't make this kind of trip without the cover of darkness, but after having it in the back of his head for a week and enduring countless sappy looks from Koki, he'd decided to try and put his personal hang-ups aside so he could get this final meeting with Jin over and done with. And that meant leaving for Jin's immediately, even though more people on the streets would mean more witnesses if something were to go wrong. Although his senses do tingle a bit more sharply than normal from the higher incidence of people at the end of the workday as opposed to dead night, he figures that so long as he keeps his identity well hidden, it'll be all right. And he doesn't have to fear putting Jin in danger, either, by visiting him at his home, because the threat on his life will be gone once he loses possession of the necklace.
So, really, he thinks, getting in the elevator and punching the number for the third floor, finishing this deal as quickly as possible is best for all parties involved: their buyer gets his pendant, the clan gets its hefty payment, Jin gets to go out without fear of getting jumped every time he turns a corner, and he gets his old life back--the one that doesn't involve getting random flashbacks of Hayato and breaking down crying in the arms of strangers.
The face he shows Jin when the apartment door opens isn't one that suggests he's been struggling with the idea of this meeting for the whole last week. A broad smile lights up Jin's face when he receives him into his home, but it dims a little when he sees the blank look behind Kamenashi's aviators. The gangster distracts himself from the awkward silence falling over them by focusing on exchanging his designer dress shoes for Jin's house slippers. If he keeps his attention on making sure they line up neatly next to the door, he won't have to see the somewhat anxious look on Jin's face.
But he can't avoid him forever. He knows he's doomed when he straightens and sees Jin holding up a hand to stop him from speaking. “Before you even start,” he says, and Kamenashi raises an eyebrow. Who does he think he is, talking to him like he's the authority here? But then he remembers what happened the last time they met, and he deflates a little. Okay, so maybe Jin does have license to speak to him like that...
He's about to ignore him and demand the pendant back when Jin continues, and there's something about the determined look in the taller man's eyes that keeps him from interrupting--like he's been thinking about what he wants to say all week long, and now nothing is going to stop him from getting it out. Kamenashi realizes this could very well be the case.
“This is going to sound really weird,” he starts, “but just hear me out, all right? It's freaky when someone knows your name without having to ask for it, so...I'm Akanishi Jin. I just turned 26, my favorite food is Italian, and someday I want to be fluent in English. I feel like I'm almost there, but...anyway, apart from that, I like singing, writing music, playing the guitar, and...I like you. If you don't like me back, that's fine, I get it, but after you take your necklace back, we may never see each other again, so...I at least had to let you know.”
He bows low then, and the pendant slips out from behind his shirt. Dangling freely in the air, it looks heavy enough to pull him to the floor. “Nice to meet you. Please show me your kindness...”
Kamenashi raises an eyebrow at the exposed nape of Jin's neck. The self-introduction is a hokey gesture, to be sure, but he finds himself returning the bow, anyway. “Why?” he can only ask, caught somewhere between flattered and incredulous. If this guy thinks it's a good idea to get involved with someone as dangerous as him simply because he saved him from Ueda's men that one time, or because he later got a kiss for looking like Hayato, or even because of the sex, he'll have to worry for his judge of character.
Jin fidgets a little as he straightens, taking a moment to tuck the necklace back beneath his shirt, perhaps to avoid answering the question. But his eyes are surprisingly bright and honest when he looks at him and says, “Because I don't think you're half as bad as you make yourself out to be.”
Kamenashi's about to lash out at him, asking if in all of their interactions somehow he missed that he's a very important and very deadly person within one of the most feared organized crime syndicates in the world, but then he pauses to consider it, and he realizes Jin might be more astute than he gives him credit for.
While the gangster's considering, the corners of Jin's lips quirk upwards in a small smile, and he turns on his heel, calling, “Come have a beer with me,” over his shoulder.
Against his better judgment and his mental vows earlier to not touch a drop of alcohol, Kamenashi follows, first into the kitchen, and then out onto the balcony.
Except one beer turns into three apiece. Cigarette butts accumulate in the ashtray between them.
There's not a lot of room on Jin's balcony for furniture, so they sprawl out on the concrete, sitting with their backs pressed to the wall of the building. The smell of burning tobacco in the warm summer air and the pleasant buzz in his head start pulling at the walls that Kamenashi's built around himself. The company helps, too. Jin, it turns out, is full of stories, and the gangster finds it very hard not to laugh at his descriptions of the antics he's gotten up to with his best friend Pi, emphasized with elaborate hand gestures that send ashes flying off the end of his cigarette. The sound of his own chortles and the occasional unrestrained peal of laughter sound almost foreign to his ears, but that feeling soon starts to fade. He feels strangely lighter as the night goes on, and he doesn't think it's from just the beer bottles adding up.
At first, Jin carries on much of the conversation by himself, but after a while, Kamenashi starts responding with more than polite nods and laughter. He tells Jin about Koki and Maru, the two people he's closest to within the organization, and once Jin figures out that he means Nakamaru, the guy with the big nose and funny haircut, he makes fun of him for being best friends with a lawyer. He quiets down, though, when he hears that in addition to keeping them out of legal trouble, Nakamaru makes up one half of a rap/beatbox and comedy duo with Koki. “That's actually pretty cool,” he says in response, a clear appreciator of all forms of musical talent. He demonstrates some of his own rap and beatboxing skill then, and Kamenashi tells him it sucks with a smile on his face. Jin fires back that he only thinks that because he isn't cultured enough to understand English, and they both dissolve into laughter again.
Eventually Kamenashi remembers to tell Jin that the mole has been taken care of and he has come to collect the necklace, but the fact that he's almost accomplished what he set out to do doesn't give him any desire to leave. He ends up mentioning it more in passing, letting the thread of conversation drift quickly away from the topic, and then in the next breath, they start talking about something else.
The conversation turns serious as Jin thoughtfully snuffs out his cigarette, and Kamenashi goes back to listening when the other tells him about his hopes and dreams, because he doesn't really have any of his own to speak of.
“I want to travel,” Jin says, still looking into the depths of the ashtray. “I mean, I know English, and I love foreign music, but I've never really gotten to spend much time outside of Japan. Money, you know?” His gaze flicks to the silver rings adorning the gangster's fingers. “Well, maybe you don't. But if I could, I'd love to live in America for a while. Somewhere like L.A. would be cool. I don't care if the only thing I can do to support myself while I'm over there is play my guitar on street corners. I'll make it happen somehow.”
He turns towards him, then, with a spark of ambition in his eyes, and Kamenashi sees it. He sees Jin in L.A., not well off, but still happy, singing for strangers in the subway and flashing a bright smile when some spare change falls into his guitar case. He comes out of his thoughts to find the real Jin smiling at him, his expression warm and shy, and for the first time, Kamenashi feels like he's seeing him for who he really is. Jin is not Hayato. He never has been and he never will be, but he finds he likes him just the same.
They end up kissing. Kamenashi doesn't know who started it, but he's not going to be the one to stop. The very thought is incredulous, because it just feels so damn good. Jin's lips are soft and warm against his, and he craves their taste like Jin's the drug instead of the nicotine they'd both been smoking before. The rush he gets when Jin puts a hand on the nape of his neck to pull him closer is incredible, and he parts his lips in a gasp in response to the sensations coursing through his body.
They both shift to facilitate the position, and Kamenashi takes their turning to face each other as an opportunity to take back control of the kiss. His tongue strokes the seam of Jin's lips, and he barely manages to suppress a disappointed sound when, instead of letting him kiss him deeper, Jin pulls back.
“Don't...I-I mean, wait.”
When he opens his eyes, he sees Jin giving him a warning look. There are words on his lips that he can't seem to get out, but Kamenashi murmurs his name and covers his mouth with his own again before he can tell him what he already knows.
I'm not Hayato.
I know.
They don't have sex again. The attraction and the desire are there, but for some reason (it could be that it's still too soon for both of them...), their momentum falters and things cool down before they can progress that far. They share a few more languid kisses before Kamenashi pauses, and when Jin leans in again, he tells him he has to go. There's a sigh from between swollen lips. “All right,” the waiter concedes, and both of their gazes fall to the thin leather rope around his neck. Bringing the pendant into view, he continues, “If you take this back, will I ever see you again?”
Kamenashi looks at the pendant, then at Jin's lips, and finally into his eyes. “Yeah,” he says, after a moment's hesitation. “I'll come back.” Jin makes him seal it with a kiss.
Quietly, they walk back through the apartment to the front door, and Jin lifts the pendant from around his neck when they reach it, faltering slightly to shake it free when the rope gets stuck in his hair. He places it in the shorter man's palm, and short, stubby fingers curl around it to slip it in his jacket pocket. Their lips meet one more time, and Kamenashi whispers, “Thank you,” before slipping out the door.
From the look in Kame's eyes and the small smile playing over his lips when they part, Jin trusts that he won't go back on his word. With the necklace gone from his possession, this should feel like the end, but instead it feels more like a new beginning.
Sachiko grinned as an idea for a continuation of the scene came to her. She couldn't let it end there.
Omake:
Jin dreams of Kame that night. His subconscious takes him back to the balcony, teasing him with an image of himself half-sprawled over the other's lap, lost in a deep kiss, this time with plenty of tongue. They separate with a quiet 'pop.'
“Is that your gun, or are you just happy to see me?”
Kame grins. “Actually, it is my gun.” He shifts a little and removes the weapon from the holster at his hip. But the hardness against Jin's thigh doesn't go away.
He feigns ignorance as he cups the front of Kame's pants. “Do you have a second one in there?”
“Ahh, Jin!”
He smiles in his sleep.
A few days later, Jin finds a blank envelope in his mailbox. Inside, written on a plain white card in neat black pen is an address, a date, and a time. Friday, 7:30PM, at what he'll later find out is a swanky, expensive restaurant in Roppongi. He only knows one person who could afford something like that. Sure enough, he examines the broken seal on the back of the envelope and finds when he puts the two pieces back together, they form the kanji for 'turtle.' Clever, Kame, he thinks, smiling. He heads upstairs and sticks the note on his refrigerator.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The next part of the comic was by far the most fun for Sachiko as an artist: instead of concerning herself with mafia dealings and backstory, she got to churn out page after page of Jin and Kamenashi going about together about as normally as two people in their situation could...
For their first date (neither of them call it that, but there's no point in denying that's what it is), they end up ditching the swanky, expensive restaurant halfway through their meal because they agree the food is terrible and the service is even worse. Jin admits later at the ramen shop they end up at that skipping out on the bill makes him feel a bit like a criminal, and Kame laughs loud and long at the irony.
Afterwards, they stroll along the streets for a while before heading back to Jin's apartment. From the liquid look in Kame's eyes and Jin's nervous gestures, it's clear neither of them particularly wants their evening together to end, but again they hesitate, their lips meeting in a soft kiss, instead. Still too soon. There's still too much baggage coming into this relationship to let their emotions and their hormones run wild.
That's not the case on their second date, though. They pass hours at an izakaya, talking and ordering lots of food and even more liquor, but it's not like the first time Kame allowed Jin to get him tipsy. It's so much nicer, like Jin's what he's sipping and letting warm him instead of the saké. When they get back to Jin's building, there's no question. They hurry through the lobby, and they're on each other before the elevator doors can fully close. Lost in sensation, they stumble and trip down the hallway, slamming the door behind them when they make it inside Jin's apartment. From there, it's a mad rush to get each other's clothes off, and they fall into bed together.
With them both so riled up, everything happens in a rush, but when they collapse in a tired, sweaty heap, the burn lingers--cooled from an all-consuming blaze to embers that can easily be stoked into flames again should the mood strikes them. It strikes them. For hours, their limbs tangle, and they move together, feeling out the contours of each other's bodies and souls with lips, tongues, teeth, and hands. Jin licks along the faint white line running the length of Kame's jaw, and Kame delves his tongue into Jin's belly-button, tasting metal as he flicks the small bar he finds there back and forth, a motion he quickly finds out is a sweet torture for the other man. At one point, Jin works his fingers down Kame's spine, and he shudders with delight when Kame tilts his head back to call out his name. His name. He thinks it could be the sweetest song he's ever heard. By morning, he's traced every scale on the red dragon tattoo painted on Kame's back...
Part 5