College Board Lament
Oh College Board, what we lost today was so beautiful, so special, so rare. I trusted you, I respected you, I thought you would never disappoint me. You treated me well until today, College Board, and for that, I loved you. You asked me questions, simple and clear, and I filled in the corresponding ovals, and analyzed the rhetorical strategies. I did those things, and I was rewarded. But today was unlike any other day. You turned cruel, you turned deceitful. "Choose a controversial issue," you told me, and with those four words, my heart stopped. The betrayal was biting, College Board, and I can never forgive you. There were no strategies to analyze, no pieces of literature to draw from, no neat little boundaries to keep me from completely fucking up. Just an expanse of blank pages in that goddamn little booklet marked "Essay 2", and nothing else. Oh College Board, you'd convinced me I had it made, I'd get a 5, there was no doubt. Then you took away everything, and left me alone, with a throbbing headache, sweating palms, and one and a half pages of THE WORST ESSAY EVER. Fuck you, College Board. Fuck you.