(no subject)
i'm so sick of this and so tired. and i'm so angry. i'm angry at being a mix of different cultures living in an anti-culture and feeling like i have nowhere to go. i'm angry at feeling stuck and i'm angry at this constant struggle between fighting and flighting. i'm angry that everyone's heads (including mine!) are so fucked up. and i'm so tired of feeling like a constant contradiction...i'm so angry that we've all been conditioned to hate and fear and suppress and ignore. i'm angry that the differences between instinct and impulse are so hard to interpret and i'm angry that de-constructing the disgusting beings we've been socialized to become is constant work and that as soon as i feel like i've broken a spell i have all the same spells in different suits thrown onto me. i'm so angry at feeling like i have nowhere to channel that anger, or that it always comes back. i'm so tired of this town. i'm so tired of every town. i'm so tired of waiting.