A lot can happen in a decade.
RL Date: 6/13/09
IC Date: 4/13/19
T'rev's Arch-Ceilinged Weyr, Fort Weyr
The arch-ceilinged inner weyr itself would have been circular if it weren't for the reddish brick wall to the left, which both gives separation from the bathing area and provides the single flat wall in the whole place. Against that wall, shelves of books frame a large but plain bed made up with a simple red and white quilt, with a low dresser sitting at the bed's foot. The room's focus, however, is the hearth set opposite: large enough to host a decent-sized fire, though the mantel is very plain, its tiles having faded from the matching brick color they had been overpainted long ago. Before it is a warm-toned rug upon which sit a comfortable upholstered chair and side-table, angled to take advantage of the fire in cool weather, a handful of floor cushions at their feet.
Not too far from the hearth but closer to the front of the weyr are a round table and two wicker chairs, by which are a narrow, tall cupboard and, protected from the hearth's heat, a wine rack well-stocked with bottles.
Snow days. They're like rain days, right? Certainly, T'rev seems to think so, because that's exactly what he proposed to Jaeyi before bringing her up here. Let it snow out there, it's warm and cozy inside and the pair are engaged in their typical foul weather pursuits, which is to say, sex, sex, and more sex, though just at the moment, T'rev is not in bed, but in his chair, nibbling on a sandwich and drinking from a glass of wine every few bites, with a book propped up on his knee. "... I think that's all the dirty bits."
Jaeyi has, at some point, dragged the quilt off the bed and wrapped herself up in it and wandered on over to the chair; the bed got lonely and a little cold all by herself, so she's bundled herself up and curled up at the foot of the chair. Occasionally, she peeks her toes out toward the fireplace until they start to toast again, then busily hides them under the corner of the quilt again, but mostly leaning her head against the arm of the chair and entertaining a coming-and-going grin at the abridged version of the story. "Not the best one yet," she decides conclusively, reaches up bravely out of her blanket-protection toward the corner of the book to liberate it from T'rev's keeping. "I hope it's on loan and not one you've bought and paid for?"
Licking some kind of sauce from within the sandwich's guts off his fingers, T'rev tilts the book with his other hand to pass it down to Jaeyi. "Nope, too much florid language. You know, it should feel like good sex when you read it, not just someone's hopped up idea of it," he decides and reaches for the napkin the sandwich lay on, wiping down his hands with it. "And that ... yes. Borrowed from a friend. I either like mine with more pictures, or less bodice-ripping."
With the idea of perusing for just that, pictures, Jaeyi drops the book down on the floor in front of her and flips the pages, an elbow leaned on a bent knee for the duration. "I suppose we shouldn't criticize. Short of letting every would be pornographic writer up here for a crash-course in good sex," with a wistful sigh, "we can't really expect them to know how it ought to be done, mmn? And why did the artist decide to do all the pictures while everyone still had their clothes on." Face turned down, it's impossible to see, but the pout's pretty obvious in the tone. Pausing, glancing back and up, she gives a brief laugh at T'rev's occupation; "I'm so jealous of your sandwich right now, I can hardly stand it." More amused than aroused, truly.
"That ... would be amusing," T'rev says with a laugh. "Though I'm not sure. Performance anxiety you know," he jokes and once his fingers have been wiped down, drops one hand downward to wind into Jaeyi's hair fondly. "Mm. Not the raciest one I've ever picked up, though at the same time, racy isn't everything either. Good story goes a long way, right?" More laughter at her reaction to former finger-licking. "We can get back to that in a little bit, I think my stomach's about full. It's damn distracting to have a growling tummy when I'm in the middle of trying to get you off." Blunt, yet fond.
Having returned to the book, Jaeyi makes a face at the next picture, answering with a distracted, "Performance anxiety's a small price, though. You'd be immortalized in print, countless readers, et cetera." The bit about a good story meets a dismissive wave of her fingers through the air behind her, not much of a reader, and she closes the book with a conclusive clap. "Ironic, too. A little bit. Starving to death while you're nibbling a baker?" The grin she flashes back is wholly amused, convinced she's funny, then she passes the book back up toward T'rev. "How do you ask to borrow a book like that, hmn? 'Anything with naked people in it?'"
"I dunno if that's how I want to go down in history," T'rev notes and scoots forward a little to take the book, put it down on the table and drops his hands down to Jaeyi's shoulders apparently intent on providing a massage. "Heh, yeah. Don't bite the one that feeds?" he hazards a badly put together quip. His legs drop to either side of the baker and he bends forward to wind arms around her, quilt included and hugs, then straightens back into shoulder-rub mode. "Like this: Read any good porn lately? Anything I can borrow?" Blunt.
Beat. "Go down in history." Jaeyi stops the really bad jokes-- almost as good as T'rev's really bad lines-- to nestle into that hug for a minute, beaming instead of smirking. She plants a quick kiss on the side of his face, kind of wherever it lands, then pitches forward a touch to accommodate that shoulder-rub set-up. "Who? Mmn, who do you ask for these books? I can't see asking that archivist who works here. ShhShhShh is all the response I've ever gotten from him."
"Mmhm," T'rev says, grinning while she cuddles into his arms and his own smile widens as that kiss lands. Strong hands get to work on her shoulders, hair shifted out of the way carefully. "There's this guy I know, who writes the stuff and draws it. And well you know, guy friends. Ain't nothing like actually you know, /doing/ it but some pictures and a little story are nice when I'm up here by myself." Which you know, these days, is once in a blue moon.
Appreciative Jaeyi melts appropriately under his fingers, quietly approving noises and frequently contented sighs to encourage his efforts. She even lets the quilt droop down off her shoulders and down her back, though she keeps it tucked close on the front-side. "You would," she remarks amusedly at the fact that T'rev knows-this-guy. "Do you ever go to sleep without getting off?" Honest question.
T'rev digs thumbs into knots when he finds them, taking his cue from Jaeyi if it's too much pressure. The drooping quilt earns a smile and though she can't see it an unsurprising, appreciative look. "Know more'n one actually, but this one, he's usually got the best stuff. I swear, either he's got the best imagination ever, or he's just really good at getting people to pose for him," the bronzerider says with a low chuckle and trails a finger along her shoulder blade on one side before resuming proper massage. "These days? No. I went cold turkey twice. No sex. At all. For three months each time."
There's really not enough stress in Jaeyi's life to leave her with a great many knots, easy as hell to work loose while she leans forward, resting against her folded legs while he kneads. There's a long pause, mostly just the soft sounds of approving pleasure, the conversation lost for a little bit-- then a hazy blink while T'rev's admission works into a gooey brain. "Why? Were you sick or depressed or...?"
That means that T'rev's hands ease into lighter movements that much sooner, more caressing than kneading towards the end. He leans forward again at one point, to drop a kiss to the back of her neck. The questions draw a grin, more heard in his voice when he speaks than seen. "Wanted to see if I could do it after some ... pretty messy stuff," he starts slowly.
A lot of times, she'd just start prying at that right away, but the break in that answer lights a little surprise, evidenced in the lift of her head, the glance Jaeyi sends back. Through already lazy lashes, she holds that glance just long enough to ask, "You wanna talk about this pretty messy stuff, or should I stick to 'my word, I wish I'd been around at the end of that three months?'"
Laughter erupts from T'rev, bright and merry for that quip and he gives Jaeyi a little nudge. "Scoot forward, comin' down," he informs before he drops out of the chair to wrap arms and legs around her and rests his cheek against hers. "I can tell you 'bout it. Just y'know, you tell me if you're sick n' tired of hearin' me jabber on," the bronzerider says quietly and gives her a little squeeze. "That first three months, I got tripped up by a friendly bluerider. Second three ... Leova. Only time we've slept together outside of a flight." His hands go wandering down her arms, seeking out hers to tangle fingers together loosely. "Told you I was weyrmated once before, right? Her name's Edlyn. Impressed together."
Jaeyi promises, really-truly, "If I didn't want to know, I wouldn't ask." Which probably goes for ninety-percent of the conversations they've accomplished. Scooting, she lets him tuck in and get his fingers all settled and then it's-- "You sure you don't want in here?" She means the blanket, which she folds up around his arms to cover herself back up to the shoulders, but that's really just an aside. The real question is; "How did a friendly bluerider turn you celibate? Shouldn't the whole 'friendly' aspect imply the opposite?"
"I'm aimin' to keep you warm, but if you got room for me in there, sure, we can re-arrange," T'rev says, though his lips are drifting lazily along her neck and cheek. "Lemme back up a bit on the whole story thing. We'll get to the bluerider," the bronzerider says with a low chuckle. "So while we were candidates, I got the idea from Edlyn that she was y'know, okay with things the way you and I are. You know, not fussed about sharin'. We cared about each other a whole lot and there was one kiss, in the stables and well it kind of went from there, though we were mindin' the rules otherwise. Couldn't touch barely while we were weyrlings and damn was that ever the longest turn ever," he says with a mournful touch to his voice. We basically, weyrmated right out of weyrlinghood, seemed okay for a bit then she started throwin' a tantrum every time I wound up with someone else and she kept ... not indulgin' though I told her I was fine with it."
With brave generosity, ending those kisses, Jaeyi draws away from T'rev and gracelessly scoots herself around the other direction-- which isn't so bad, since now her backside will get toasted from the fire-- then worms back to him with the blanket open to fold him up into it. Also, it gives her the chance to keep an eye on his expressions while he tells the story. "Okay," she prompts, settled and listening and nodding to indicate she's following along with the saga. "So you're weyrmated to someone who isn't on the same page as you. Got it." Continue.
There's scooting and rearranging and T'rev tucks his feet in under her legs, sort of threading them together as she folds him up in the blanket and his arms find a home around her waist. For now he's smiling as they get all comfy again, then his expression shades serious as he goes on. "Yeah. So she was horribly cruel to Vrys. Jenivrys. She's a good friend and a brownrider at Telgar. For a bit, we thought her little guy, Jaivery could've been mine, but he ain't. He's P'draig's. He used to be the weyrlingmaster here. Anyhow, Ed was real nasty to Vrys and it led to us partin' company. Ed I guess she just never really believed that I really loved her because I loved other people too, slept with other people." Sadness touches his eyes and his mouth stretches out a little, rueful. "Had some different lovers for a bit, Vrys included. Met Leova and I just -- something shifted inside and I wanted to see if I could do it. If I could be faithful if I had to, the way Edlyn had wanted. I mean, if anything was goin' to work out for me with someone, I'd have to, right? So I challenged myself to go cold turkey for half a turn."
Lax hands lay across his shoulders, mostly just her wrists laying there once the quilt's all resettled. Jaeyi, as ever, listens and watches and there are twinges in her expression now and then-- none of them bad, occasionally sympathetic, occasionally bemused, always attentive. "Mmmmmmn," she begins after a moment, a sound that gives her a second to order her thoughts. "Fidelity and celibacy aren't exactly the same thing. Or so I've been told." The questioning lilt presses for some clarification on that particular thought-process, please.
"No, they ain't," T'rev replies promptly a lopsided grin sliding across his face. "But you /know/ how I am /now/ and well let's just say I was a lot worse before. Younger, whatever. And if you're with someone and bein' faithful if they ain't in the mood, they ain't in the mood, so you have t'be ready to go without for y'know, maybe days at a time!" Oh /no/. Breath. "So I went without for a good three months, then went to visit this friend of mine at Ista and well, whoops."
A little puzzled, yes, like the idea of being with someone who just wasn't in the mood had never occurred to her. But, then, it's Jaeyi, and pretty much people are just in the mood when she wants them to be. So. She moves on with a 'granted' nod, follows it up with a quiet chuckle at the well-whoops aspect of the story. "So, experiment A turns out to be a bust. What, then, prompts you to try this feat /again/? If at first you don't succeed?"
"Yeah, thought I should keep tryin'," T'rev says with a little nod. "Made it through all of months 8, 9 and 10 and then went to a gather at Crom and ... well shells, she was there. Vrianth asked Mecaith to come and --" his eyes close and the bronzerider shivers a little, face going all blissful. "Anyhow. I stopped tryin' cold turkey after that. Mecaith started helpin' me to -- manage it. Manage the urge though. And it just ain't quite as strong as it used to be. He taught me better control I guess. But it all went back to Edlyn, because it was just tearin' her apart Jae, that I was with others. And I was with a /lot/ of others. A lot. Outside the Weyr mostly. All those mad daddies y'know." Wry there.
Jaeyi could take umbrage that he's getting himself all blissed-out over the memory of someone else, seeing as she's butt-naked and wrapped up in a blanket with him, but then she wouldn't be the kind of person that goes on to say something like, "But it wasn't really your fault she hurt, was it? Unless you gave her some expectation of fidelity, which I doubt." Though fondly, though put with a kiss to his cheek, there's no doubt she would never ever ever expect T'rev would be, /could/ be faithful. "Then it's really her fault for wanting what you weren't offering, hmn?"
"No, it wasn't," T'rev says quiet seriously, eyes finding Jaeyi's again. "And I never did say it'd be that way. She said time and again that she was fine with it before we committed. That's part of what kind of drove me crazy. She couldn't seem t'figure out if she was comin' or goin' and she just kept gettin' more and more hurt, so I broke it off with her. It wasn't -- it wasn't right in the end. Her and me." And there's the sadness again, something vulnerable. "Couldn't make her happy. Wanted to. Couldn't." His hands shift, one sliding up her back, the other sneaking out of the blankets to find her cheek. "Didn't want to put anyone else through that again, though, see? So I had to see if I could do it. If I could go without, if someone -- if someone asked me to faithful." His thumb brushes along her jaw gently. "Nobody has. Though at least I know I can do it, it's awful, but I can do it for three months at least. So long as y'know, certain folks don't come a-dancin' through and unbuttonin' me in the middle of gather dances." Humor returns there, eyes twinkling.
Jaeyi, always opening cans of worms, always feeling a little bit bad about them when those flashes of sad or hurt trespass. A nuzzle finds its way into his palm briefly, like that can make him feel better retroactively, leaves her leaning her cheek into his fingers. "If things had worked out differently with a certain greenrider from the Reaches, hmn?" she guesses at his stumble, never mind she just got over guilty for prodding at old wounds. "Anyway. If it's awful, then-- well. Anyone who really loved you wouldn't ask you to do something that made you miserable, right? So, really, it shouldn't ever matter who fiddles with your buttons." Brightly, like she's just solved all the world's problems-- or at least T'rev's.
That nuzzle definitely helps to send sad packing too for that matter and T'rev chuckles as she proposes that hypothetical. "Yeah, maybe. And if they had -- " he breaks off again takes a deep breath, brows furrowing faintly as his gaze roams her face. "I think I could have, would've wanted to, with her." Confession. "She just --" he laughs there, looks away, towards the fire, expression complex for a moment, too many different things competing. "She's just Leova," is what T'rev finally settles on and looks back at Jaeyi with a warm smile. "But overall, yeah. It's why I avoid folks who just have that something about 'em that seems to say 'I want more than casual'. It just ain't worth the risk most of the time of gettin' them all wrapped up in the idea that you just had sex so that Means Something. Not that it /can't/ mean anything or that it ain't special it just doesn't have to mean hearts together forever." Breath out and his hand traces back into her hair. "I'm just more careful 'bout who I tumble now. Make sure things stay clear. Or try to." There's a little pause. "Like us." And there his expression shades fond, hand returning to cradle her cheek.
Following the look, digesting it much the same way she has the other ones, avid about other people's experiences, she leaves off the what-might-have-been aspect of the conversation, still something she doesn't /get/ but-- maybe eventually. "I suppose it's something you'd have to be more conscious of, overall. Women do seem to have a lot more expectations. Though I think maybe... well, sex is a little more invasive a concept for a woman than a man." Thoughtful pause, expression briefly distracted by that train of thought, but she returns with a quick smile and a turn of her head, a kiss for his palm. "Like us. Yes, now try to tell me how you'd explain it to someone else? Because I tried once." Half-assed, but still.
"Yeah, I don't want to hurt anyone. Not anyone I meet or myself," T'rev says sincerely, fingers warm along her cheek. "So you know, try to make sure that if something comes up, we're both on the same page before things go too far." That smile is answered, wide, bright and T'rev leans inward to bestow a kiss on the baker. "We just work," he says in the wake of that, forehead seeking hers out. "When I'm not y'know sayin' something stupid." Pause. Slow: "I guess the easiest way to say it is 'no strings'. But that don't quite cover it. You're more'n a friend, more'n a lover ... but." He fails too in other words.
It is a winter dusk, 18:18 of day 4, month 13, turn 19 of Interval 10.
"At least I'm not the only one that can't pin a label on it. Which is actually kinda relieving." Jaeyi leans forehead to forehead at that, arm shifted so her elbow rests against his shoulder, fingers through his hair. "Don't beat yourself up, T'rev. You rarely, /rarely/ say anything very stupid. And I'm usually pretty good at realizing when I'm just taking something the wrong way. So, between those two, I've only wanted to tell you to go to hell twice-- which is pretty good for..." Pausing, glancing thoughtfully upward, a quick count under her breath. "Eight months of whatever-it-is we're doing here."
"Heh, yeah," T'rev says amused and wanders his other hand upward along her back to her shoulders, under her hair. "Wait, twice?" She might feel the wrinkling of his forehead against hers. "What was the first time, 'cos I know the second wasn't so long ago. Damn weed," he adds humorously, then smiles. "Shells ... eight months. It really has been, yeah. Be a turn on Firstday," T'rev muses thoughtfully and draws back a little. "All I know is, I -- I could be happy like this, for a really long time," he continues quietly, expression serious again. "Bein' with you, I don't feel any shame for wantin' what I want, or feelin' what I feel. I can care about you and offer you whatever I've got to give and know that -- well we're both here, we ain't goin' nowhere, but at the same time, we ain't neither of us trapped." Big breath. "That make sense?"
Smart Jaeyi; "Oh, I'm not telling you that. It was long enough ago that it doesn't matter now anyway." If she was still bothered by it, she surely wouldn't meet his eyes so directly and smile without hindrance to chase away the matter. Listening then, a questioning lift of her brows at the mention of shame in there, she follows up his question with a prompt, honest nod; "It does. To me, it makes sense." Shifting, pushing to her knees and scooting the rest of the way toward him with her arms winding closer around his neck, she answers, "All I want-- I mean, aside from the obvious, immediate things I want." Sex. Lots of it. "Is that it's something you can look back on in a decade, when you're a totally different person, and think, 'heck, I sure was happy.' And not have any regrets or feel bad about anything." Also, world peace.
"No? Why not? I'm all curious now," T'rev says laughingly, meeting her gaze as directly, warmth to be found in his eyes. But then, she's scooting towards him, straddling his lap and her arms go around his neck and his wind around her in turn. "Mm, like those goals, agree with 'em. Only a part of me actually hopes, than in a decade or so, even if we're different people, I'll still be able to talk to you and bring you up here whenever you want to come." Sincere.
Innocent eyelashes are all the answer T'rev's getting about why-not. Jaeyi's taking it to the grave. "In a decade," she begins earnestly at that. She also tips up his chin with a fingertip and begins kissing his neck, almost as earnestly as her plans for the future. "I intend to be a well-paid pet baker. Preferably." It's all kind of choppy, what with her preoccupation, but she gets it out there. "At Fort Hold. Where I can be Esraval's mistress. But you can still come visit me."
Chin up, head back, lids down. Happy sigh. And then a blink and eyes open again. "Seriously? Esraval?" His chin drops and T'rev draws back a little. "Just to ... visit?" Something just a little mournful in his expression.
"What's wrong?" asks Jaeyi with a little woe on T'rev's behalf. "You make it sound like I meant 'visit with all your clothes on.' Surely." Considering she's just mounted him on the floor. For the umpteenth time in eight months. "You realized that I meant /naked/ visiting?" But clearing the air on that'll have to wait for the obvious, immediate things she wants.
IC Date: 4/13/19
T'rev's Arch-Ceilinged Weyr, Fort Weyr
The arch-ceilinged inner weyr itself would have been circular if it weren't for the reddish brick wall to the left, which both gives separation from the bathing area and provides the single flat wall in the whole place. Against that wall, shelves of books frame a large but plain bed made up with a simple red and white quilt, with a low dresser sitting at the bed's foot. The room's focus, however, is the hearth set opposite: large enough to host a decent-sized fire, though the mantel is very plain, its tiles having faded from the matching brick color they had been overpainted long ago. Before it is a warm-toned rug upon which sit a comfortable upholstered chair and side-table, angled to take advantage of the fire in cool weather, a handful of floor cushions at their feet.
Not too far from the hearth but closer to the front of the weyr are a round table and two wicker chairs, by which are a narrow, tall cupboard and, protected from the hearth's heat, a wine rack well-stocked with bottles.
Snow days. They're like rain days, right? Certainly, T'rev seems to think so, because that's exactly what he proposed to Jaeyi before bringing her up here. Let it snow out there, it's warm and cozy inside and the pair are engaged in their typical foul weather pursuits, which is to say, sex, sex, and more sex, though just at the moment, T'rev is not in bed, but in his chair, nibbling on a sandwich and drinking from a glass of wine every few bites, with a book propped up on his knee. "... I think that's all the dirty bits."
Jaeyi has, at some point, dragged the quilt off the bed and wrapped herself up in it and wandered on over to the chair; the bed got lonely and a little cold all by herself, so she's bundled herself up and curled up at the foot of the chair. Occasionally, she peeks her toes out toward the fireplace until they start to toast again, then busily hides them under the corner of the quilt again, but mostly leaning her head against the arm of the chair and entertaining a coming-and-going grin at the abridged version of the story. "Not the best one yet," she decides conclusively, reaches up bravely out of her blanket-protection toward the corner of the book to liberate it from T'rev's keeping. "I hope it's on loan and not one you've bought and paid for?"
Licking some kind of sauce from within the sandwich's guts off his fingers, T'rev tilts the book with his other hand to pass it down to Jaeyi. "Nope, too much florid language. You know, it should feel like good sex when you read it, not just someone's hopped up idea of it," he decides and reaches for the napkin the sandwich lay on, wiping down his hands with it. "And that ... yes. Borrowed from a friend. I either like mine with more pictures, or less bodice-ripping."
With the idea of perusing for just that, pictures, Jaeyi drops the book down on the floor in front of her and flips the pages, an elbow leaned on a bent knee for the duration. "I suppose we shouldn't criticize. Short of letting every would be pornographic writer up here for a crash-course in good sex," with a wistful sigh, "we can't really expect them to know how it ought to be done, mmn? And why did the artist decide to do all the pictures while everyone still had their clothes on." Face turned down, it's impossible to see, but the pout's pretty obvious in the tone. Pausing, glancing back and up, she gives a brief laugh at T'rev's occupation; "I'm so jealous of your sandwich right now, I can hardly stand it." More amused than aroused, truly.
"That ... would be amusing," T'rev says with a laugh. "Though I'm not sure. Performance anxiety you know," he jokes and once his fingers have been wiped down, drops one hand downward to wind into Jaeyi's hair fondly. "Mm. Not the raciest one I've ever picked up, though at the same time, racy isn't everything either. Good story goes a long way, right?" More laughter at her reaction to former finger-licking. "We can get back to that in a little bit, I think my stomach's about full. It's damn distracting to have a growling tummy when I'm in the middle of trying to get you off." Blunt, yet fond.
Having returned to the book, Jaeyi makes a face at the next picture, answering with a distracted, "Performance anxiety's a small price, though. You'd be immortalized in print, countless readers, et cetera." The bit about a good story meets a dismissive wave of her fingers through the air behind her, not much of a reader, and she closes the book with a conclusive clap. "Ironic, too. A little bit. Starving to death while you're nibbling a baker?" The grin she flashes back is wholly amused, convinced she's funny, then she passes the book back up toward T'rev. "How do you ask to borrow a book like that, hmn? 'Anything with naked people in it?'"
"I dunno if that's how I want to go down in history," T'rev notes and scoots forward a little to take the book, put it down on the table and drops his hands down to Jaeyi's shoulders apparently intent on providing a massage. "Heh, yeah. Don't bite the one that feeds?" he hazards a badly put together quip. His legs drop to either side of the baker and he bends forward to wind arms around her, quilt included and hugs, then straightens back into shoulder-rub mode. "Like this: Read any good porn lately? Anything I can borrow?" Blunt.
Beat. "Go down in history." Jaeyi stops the really bad jokes-- almost as good as T'rev's really bad lines-- to nestle into that hug for a minute, beaming instead of smirking. She plants a quick kiss on the side of his face, kind of wherever it lands, then pitches forward a touch to accommodate that shoulder-rub set-up. "Who? Mmn, who do you ask for these books? I can't see asking that archivist who works here. ShhShhShh is all the response I've ever gotten from him."
"Mmhm," T'rev says, grinning while she cuddles into his arms and his own smile widens as that kiss lands. Strong hands get to work on her shoulders, hair shifted out of the way carefully. "There's this guy I know, who writes the stuff and draws it. And well you know, guy friends. Ain't nothing like actually you know, /doing/ it but some pictures and a little story are nice when I'm up here by myself." Which you know, these days, is once in a blue moon.
Appreciative Jaeyi melts appropriately under his fingers, quietly approving noises and frequently contented sighs to encourage his efforts. She even lets the quilt droop down off her shoulders and down her back, though she keeps it tucked close on the front-side. "You would," she remarks amusedly at the fact that T'rev knows-this-guy. "Do you ever go to sleep without getting off?" Honest question.
T'rev digs thumbs into knots when he finds them, taking his cue from Jaeyi if it's too much pressure. The drooping quilt earns a smile and though she can't see it an unsurprising, appreciative look. "Know more'n one actually, but this one, he's usually got the best stuff. I swear, either he's got the best imagination ever, or he's just really good at getting people to pose for him," the bronzerider says with a low chuckle and trails a finger along her shoulder blade on one side before resuming proper massage. "These days? No. I went cold turkey twice. No sex. At all. For three months each time."
There's really not enough stress in Jaeyi's life to leave her with a great many knots, easy as hell to work loose while she leans forward, resting against her folded legs while he kneads. There's a long pause, mostly just the soft sounds of approving pleasure, the conversation lost for a little bit-- then a hazy blink while T'rev's admission works into a gooey brain. "Why? Were you sick or depressed or...?"
That means that T'rev's hands ease into lighter movements that much sooner, more caressing than kneading towards the end. He leans forward again at one point, to drop a kiss to the back of her neck. The questions draw a grin, more heard in his voice when he speaks than seen. "Wanted to see if I could do it after some ... pretty messy stuff," he starts slowly.
A lot of times, she'd just start prying at that right away, but the break in that answer lights a little surprise, evidenced in the lift of her head, the glance Jaeyi sends back. Through already lazy lashes, she holds that glance just long enough to ask, "You wanna talk about this pretty messy stuff, or should I stick to 'my word, I wish I'd been around at the end of that three months?'"
Laughter erupts from T'rev, bright and merry for that quip and he gives Jaeyi a little nudge. "Scoot forward, comin' down," he informs before he drops out of the chair to wrap arms and legs around her and rests his cheek against hers. "I can tell you 'bout it. Just y'know, you tell me if you're sick n' tired of hearin' me jabber on," the bronzerider says quietly and gives her a little squeeze. "That first three months, I got tripped up by a friendly bluerider. Second three ... Leova. Only time we've slept together outside of a flight." His hands go wandering down her arms, seeking out hers to tangle fingers together loosely. "Told you I was weyrmated once before, right? Her name's Edlyn. Impressed together."
Jaeyi promises, really-truly, "If I didn't want to know, I wouldn't ask." Which probably goes for ninety-percent of the conversations they've accomplished. Scooting, she lets him tuck in and get his fingers all settled and then it's-- "You sure you don't want in here?" She means the blanket, which she folds up around his arms to cover herself back up to the shoulders, but that's really just an aside. The real question is; "How did a friendly bluerider turn you celibate? Shouldn't the whole 'friendly' aspect imply the opposite?"
"I'm aimin' to keep you warm, but if you got room for me in there, sure, we can re-arrange," T'rev says, though his lips are drifting lazily along her neck and cheek. "Lemme back up a bit on the whole story thing. We'll get to the bluerider," the bronzerider says with a low chuckle. "So while we were candidates, I got the idea from Edlyn that she was y'know, okay with things the way you and I are. You know, not fussed about sharin'. We cared about each other a whole lot and there was one kiss, in the stables and well it kind of went from there, though we were mindin' the rules otherwise. Couldn't touch barely while we were weyrlings and damn was that ever the longest turn ever," he says with a mournful touch to his voice. We basically, weyrmated right out of weyrlinghood, seemed okay for a bit then she started throwin' a tantrum every time I wound up with someone else and she kept ... not indulgin' though I told her I was fine with it."
With brave generosity, ending those kisses, Jaeyi draws away from T'rev and gracelessly scoots herself around the other direction-- which isn't so bad, since now her backside will get toasted from the fire-- then worms back to him with the blanket open to fold him up into it. Also, it gives her the chance to keep an eye on his expressions while he tells the story. "Okay," she prompts, settled and listening and nodding to indicate she's following along with the saga. "So you're weyrmated to someone who isn't on the same page as you. Got it." Continue.
There's scooting and rearranging and T'rev tucks his feet in under her legs, sort of threading them together as she folds him up in the blanket and his arms find a home around her waist. For now he's smiling as they get all comfy again, then his expression shades serious as he goes on. "Yeah. So she was horribly cruel to Vrys. Jenivrys. She's a good friend and a brownrider at Telgar. For a bit, we thought her little guy, Jaivery could've been mine, but he ain't. He's P'draig's. He used to be the weyrlingmaster here. Anyhow, Ed was real nasty to Vrys and it led to us partin' company. Ed I guess she just never really believed that I really loved her because I loved other people too, slept with other people." Sadness touches his eyes and his mouth stretches out a little, rueful. "Had some different lovers for a bit, Vrys included. Met Leova and I just -- something shifted inside and I wanted to see if I could do it. If I could be faithful if I had to, the way Edlyn had wanted. I mean, if anything was goin' to work out for me with someone, I'd have to, right? So I challenged myself to go cold turkey for half a turn."
Lax hands lay across his shoulders, mostly just her wrists laying there once the quilt's all resettled. Jaeyi, as ever, listens and watches and there are twinges in her expression now and then-- none of them bad, occasionally sympathetic, occasionally bemused, always attentive. "Mmmmmmn," she begins after a moment, a sound that gives her a second to order her thoughts. "Fidelity and celibacy aren't exactly the same thing. Or so I've been told." The questioning lilt presses for some clarification on that particular thought-process, please.
"No, they ain't," T'rev replies promptly a lopsided grin sliding across his face. "But you /know/ how I am /now/ and well let's just say I was a lot worse before. Younger, whatever. And if you're with someone and bein' faithful if they ain't in the mood, they ain't in the mood, so you have t'be ready to go without for y'know, maybe days at a time!" Oh /no/. Breath. "So I went without for a good three months, then went to visit this friend of mine at Ista and well, whoops."
A little puzzled, yes, like the idea of being with someone who just wasn't in the mood had never occurred to her. But, then, it's Jaeyi, and pretty much people are just in the mood when she wants them to be. So. She moves on with a 'granted' nod, follows it up with a quiet chuckle at the well-whoops aspect of the story. "So, experiment A turns out to be a bust. What, then, prompts you to try this feat /again/? If at first you don't succeed?"
"Yeah, thought I should keep tryin'," T'rev says with a little nod. "Made it through all of months 8, 9 and 10 and then went to a gather at Crom and ... well shells, she was there. Vrianth asked Mecaith to come and --" his eyes close and the bronzerider shivers a little, face going all blissful. "Anyhow. I stopped tryin' cold turkey after that. Mecaith started helpin' me to -- manage it. Manage the urge though. And it just ain't quite as strong as it used to be. He taught me better control I guess. But it all went back to Edlyn, because it was just tearin' her apart Jae, that I was with others. And I was with a /lot/ of others. A lot. Outside the Weyr mostly. All those mad daddies y'know." Wry there.
Jaeyi could take umbrage that he's getting himself all blissed-out over the memory of someone else, seeing as she's butt-naked and wrapped up in a blanket with him, but then she wouldn't be the kind of person that goes on to say something like, "But it wasn't really your fault she hurt, was it? Unless you gave her some expectation of fidelity, which I doubt." Though fondly, though put with a kiss to his cheek, there's no doubt she would never ever ever expect T'rev would be, /could/ be faithful. "Then it's really her fault for wanting what you weren't offering, hmn?"
"No, it wasn't," T'rev says quiet seriously, eyes finding Jaeyi's again. "And I never did say it'd be that way. She said time and again that she was fine with it before we committed. That's part of what kind of drove me crazy. She couldn't seem t'figure out if she was comin' or goin' and she just kept gettin' more and more hurt, so I broke it off with her. It wasn't -- it wasn't right in the end. Her and me." And there's the sadness again, something vulnerable. "Couldn't make her happy. Wanted to. Couldn't." His hands shift, one sliding up her back, the other sneaking out of the blankets to find her cheek. "Didn't want to put anyone else through that again, though, see? So I had to see if I could do it. If I could go without, if someone -- if someone asked me to faithful." His thumb brushes along her jaw gently. "Nobody has. Though at least I know I can do it, it's awful, but I can do it for three months at least. So long as y'know, certain folks don't come a-dancin' through and unbuttonin' me in the middle of gather dances." Humor returns there, eyes twinkling.
Jaeyi, always opening cans of worms, always feeling a little bit bad about them when those flashes of sad or hurt trespass. A nuzzle finds its way into his palm briefly, like that can make him feel better retroactively, leaves her leaning her cheek into his fingers. "If things had worked out differently with a certain greenrider from the Reaches, hmn?" she guesses at his stumble, never mind she just got over guilty for prodding at old wounds. "Anyway. If it's awful, then-- well. Anyone who really loved you wouldn't ask you to do something that made you miserable, right? So, really, it shouldn't ever matter who fiddles with your buttons." Brightly, like she's just solved all the world's problems-- or at least T'rev's.
That nuzzle definitely helps to send sad packing too for that matter and T'rev chuckles as she proposes that hypothetical. "Yeah, maybe. And if they had -- " he breaks off again takes a deep breath, brows furrowing faintly as his gaze roams her face. "I think I could have, would've wanted to, with her." Confession. "She just --" he laughs there, looks away, towards the fire, expression complex for a moment, too many different things competing. "She's just Leova," is what T'rev finally settles on and looks back at Jaeyi with a warm smile. "But overall, yeah. It's why I avoid folks who just have that something about 'em that seems to say 'I want more than casual'. It just ain't worth the risk most of the time of gettin' them all wrapped up in the idea that you just had sex so that Means Something. Not that it /can't/ mean anything or that it ain't special it just doesn't have to mean hearts together forever." Breath out and his hand traces back into her hair. "I'm just more careful 'bout who I tumble now. Make sure things stay clear. Or try to." There's a little pause. "Like us." And there his expression shades fond, hand returning to cradle her cheek.
Following the look, digesting it much the same way she has the other ones, avid about other people's experiences, she leaves off the what-might-have-been aspect of the conversation, still something she doesn't /get/ but-- maybe eventually. "I suppose it's something you'd have to be more conscious of, overall. Women do seem to have a lot more expectations. Though I think maybe... well, sex is a little more invasive a concept for a woman than a man." Thoughtful pause, expression briefly distracted by that train of thought, but she returns with a quick smile and a turn of her head, a kiss for his palm. "Like us. Yes, now try to tell me how you'd explain it to someone else? Because I tried once." Half-assed, but still.
"Yeah, I don't want to hurt anyone. Not anyone I meet or myself," T'rev says sincerely, fingers warm along her cheek. "So you know, try to make sure that if something comes up, we're both on the same page before things go too far." That smile is answered, wide, bright and T'rev leans inward to bestow a kiss on the baker. "We just work," he says in the wake of that, forehead seeking hers out. "When I'm not y'know sayin' something stupid." Pause. Slow: "I guess the easiest way to say it is 'no strings'. But that don't quite cover it. You're more'n a friend, more'n a lover ... but." He fails too in other words.
It is a winter dusk, 18:18 of day 4, month 13, turn 19 of Interval 10.
"At least I'm not the only one that can't pin a label on it. Which is actually kinda relieving." Jaeyi leans forehead to forehead at that, arm shifted so her elbow rests against his shoulder, fingers through his hair. "Don't beat yourself up, T'rev. You rarely, /rarely/ say anything very stupid. And I'm usually pretty good at realizing when I'm just taking something the wrong way. So, between those two, I've only wanted to tell you to go to hell twice-- which is pretty good for..." Pausing, glancing thoughtfully upward, a quick count under her breath. "Eight months of whatever-it-is we're doing here."
"Heh, yeah," T'rev says amused and wanders his other hand upward along her back to her shoulders, under her hair. "Wait, twice?" She might feel the wrinkling of his forehead against hers. "What was the first time, 'cos I know the second wasn't so long ago. Damn weed," he adds humorously, then smiles. "Shells ... eight months. It really has been, yeah. Be a turn on Firstday," T'rev muses thoughtfully and draws back a little. "All I know is, I -- I could be happy like this, for a really long time," he continues quietly, expression serious again. "Bein' with you, I don't feel any shame for wantin' what I want, or feelin' what I feel. I can care about you and offer you whatever I've got to give and know that -- well we're both here, we ain't goin' nowhere, but at the same time, we ain't neither of us trapped." Big breath. "That make sense?"
Smart Jaeyi; "Oh, I'm not telling you that. It was long enough ago that it doesn't matter now anyway." If she was still bothered by it, she surely wouldn't meet his eyes so directly and smile without hindrance to chase away the matter. Listening then, a questioning lift of her brows at the mention of shame in there, she follows up his question with a prompt, honest nod; "It does. To me, it makes sense." Shifting, pushing to her knees and scooting the rest of the way toward him with her arms winding closer around his neck, she answers, "All I want-- I mean, aside from the obvious, immediate things I want." Sex. Lots of it. "Is that it's something you can look back on in a decade, when you're a totally different person, and think, 'heck, I sure was happy.' And not have any regrets or feel bad about anything." Also, world peace.
"No? Why not? I'm all curious now," T'rev says laughingly, meeting her gaze as directly, warmth to be found in his eyes. But then, she's scooting towards him, straddling his lap and her arms go around his neck and his wind around her in turn. "Mm, like those goals, agree with 'em. Only a part of me actually hopes, than in a decade or so, even if we're different people, I'll still be able to talk to you and bring you up here whenever you want to come." Sincere.
Innocent eyelashes are all the answer T'rev's getting about why-not. Jaeyi's taking it to the grave. "In a decade," she begins earnestly at that. She also tips up his chin with a fingertip and begins kissing his neck, almost as earnestly as her plans for the future. "I intend to be a well-paid pet baker. Preferably." It's all kind of choppy, what with her preoccupation, but she gets it out there. "At Fort Hold. Where I can be Esraval's mistress. But you can still come visit me."
Chin up, head back, lids down. Happy sigh. And then a blink and eyes open again. "Seriously? Esraval?" His chin drops and T'rev draws back a little. "Just to ... visit?" Something just a little mournful in his expression.
"What's wrong?" asks Jaeyi with a little woe on T'rev's behalf. "You make it sound like I meant 'visit with all your clothes on.' Surely." Considering she's just mounted him on the floor. For the umpteenth time in eight months. "You realized that I meant /naked/ visiting?" But clearing the air on that'll have to wait for the obvious, immediate things she wants.