[Fic: Hockey RPS] This is the Longest Kiss [1/2] Joe Thornton/Roberto Luongo; PG-13
Okay, so have some seriously cracked out, highschool!AU, because I have clearly lost my mind. And, yeah, the next part is nearly halfway done, so it shouldn't be too long before it's posted. *headdesk* Er, yeah, just go with the assumption 'everyone's into guys', because *hand-wavy* it's much funner, and easier that way.
Also, yeah, renamed my Joe Thornton/Roberto Luongo fanmix, because, well, damnit, 'This is the Longest Kiss' is much better suited for this fic.
Disclaimer: Not real.
Warnings: Uh ... crack pairings?
This is the Longest Kiss
Joe Thornton (San Jose Sharks)/Roberto Luongo (Vancouver Canucks); *deep breath* brief mention of the following: Cory Schneider/Jannik Hansen; Kevin Bieksa/Dan Hamhuis; Sami Salo/Alex Edler; Daniel Sedin/Alex Burrows; Ryan Kesler/Henrik Sedin; Chris Higgins/Keith Ballard; David Booth/Dale Weise; Max Lapierre/Aaron Volpatti; I TOLD YOU ... IT'S ALL CRACK!!! PG-13; 1929 words (this part)
A house party, liquor, your crush. Truly a recipe for disaster.
This is the Longest Kiss
"This, by far, tops your list of 'bad things Burr does when he's sixteen'," Roberto grumbled, tucking his hands into the pocket of his jeans.
"Lighten up," Alex said, as they made their way up the walkway.
"'Lighten up?' Like the time I let you drag me to David Booth's house party, and I somehow ended up tied to our school's flagpole in just my shoes, socks and boxers?"
Roberto watches as Alex's upper lip twitches in amusement. "Like I told you then, no footage of that exists."
"And then there was the pool party at Ballard's house in the summer after ninth grade -"
"- Where someone spiked your punch and you ended up blurting out that you'd had a crush on Kevin Bieksa that entire year?"
Roberto's cheeks coloured. "We said we wouldn't talk about that!"
"My mistake."
"So, why, pray tell, are we at Cory Schneider's house party?"
Alex patted Roberto's back, before he curled his arm around Roberto's shoulder, and sighed. "Now, now, Roberto, you're not still upset about Cory and you breaking up?"
Roberto felt as all the blood rushed to his cheeks. "Of course not. I'm just - I'm just - damn it ... Look, I'm just surprised he invited us both."
Alex chewed on the inside of his cheek as he mulled over Roberto's sentence. "Y'know as well as I do that no-one actually gets formally invited to house parties, right?" He eyed Roberto speculatively. Roberto didn't like the look Alex's eyes had. He was quite sure Alex was debating about asking him the Cory-related question. Roberto was proven correct a few moments later.
"Speaking of which, why'd you and Schneids break up anyway?"
Roberto was silent for a few moments. Cory and him had been the hottest of the hot couple for close to half a year. Cory, the star pitcher for the baseball team, and him, star goalie for the Junior Varsity squad. It was, well, perfect. Except, somewhere along the line, that perfection slowly began to dwindle, until they realized maybe, just maybe, they were better off apart. They amicably split about a month ago. Though, the latest rumour floating around the locker room was Cory getting 'hot-and heavy' - his teammates words, not his - with Jannik Hansen, striker for their school's soccer team.
"Technicality," he said, pulling his thoughts away from Cory (after all, who Cory was making out with now was none of his business), and completely ignoring Alex's question. He reached out to ring the doorbell. "Let's just get this night over with."
The door was flung open by a very out of breath Cory Schneider. He was holding a plastic cup with beer, his other hand interlaced with Jannik Hansen's.
Roberto's eyes flickered to their interlaced fingers, before they went back up to Cory's face. Well, the rumours were certainly true he surmised.
"Hey!" Cory starts, eyes bright, "Come on in, Lu, Burr. You know where the kitchen is. You'll find everything there."
"Schneids! Heads up!" Roberto hears someone call from somewhere inside the house. Cory barely has time to duck when a baseball just whizzes by his head. Roberto catches it easily. He notices now that Alex has disappeared somewhere in the house. He thought he saw Max Lapierre - or was it Mikael Samuelsson - whisk him off, but he wasn't sure.
"Nice catch," Cory says, smiling broadly.
"Thanks," Roberto whispers, holding out the baseball. "I had a good teacher."
Their eyes meet briefly, before Cory lets Roberto place the ball in his fingers, balancing the plastic cup of beer awkwardly in his hand. "Oh, Lui, this is Jannik Hansen. Jannik, Roberto."
Roberto nods his head in Jannik's direction. "JV soccer, right?"
"Yeah, striker. JV goalie, correct?"
Roberto reaches a hand out to shake Jannik's. "Nice to meet you."
After the introductions are out of the way, Roberto ventures inside to try and find out where Alex went. He barely gets ten steps into the house when he's enveloped in a hug. He feels his teammate, Ryan Kesler kiss his hair, and ruffle it, before he pulls back.
"Lui! My man! So glad you're here!"
Roberto watches as Ryan sways slightly on his feet, a half-empty plastic cup in his hand. "Man, did y'just get here? Dude, does Schneids throw an awesome party or what?" Ryan takes another swig from his cup. "Lui, where the fuck's your drink? C'mon, buddy, y'need to get one!"
"I think you've done enough drinking for both of us," Roberto mumbles, patting Ryan's hand, which was currently draped across his shoulders.
Ryan waves his hand. "Don't be such a wet blanket!" With that said, Ryan all but drags Roberto into the kitchen, and lets out a dramatic sigh when he gets there.
"Man, Juice, get a room would ya?"
Kevin Bieska disentangles himself from Dan Hamhuis' arms to glare at Ryan. He throws an empty cup at his head.
"Fuck off, Kes. Y'jealous?" he half-yells. Dan laughs beside Kevin, and nuzzles his nose against Kevin's neck.
Ryan scoffs. "Of you two? Pfft ..." He pulls Roberto closer to his side. "Isn't that right, Lui? I'm not jealous of Juice and Hammer ... 'specially when I've got you." Ryan kissed Roberto's temple. "I love ya, man. Y'know I do, right?"
Roberto gives a nervous titter. "Yeah, I know. I love ya, too," he mumbles, knowing Ryan will never remember any of this in the morning.
Somehow in the span of time of Kev tossing a cup at Ryan's head and Ryan's drunken ramblings, Roberto somehow ends up with a cup in his hand. He sniffs it suspiciously. The liquid looked like watered down Coke.
"Relax, Lui. S'just iced tea," Ryan whispers into his ear, eyes on Roberto's cup.
Roberto shrugs Ryan's arm from his shoulder, and nearly shoves the cup into Ryan's hands, when he stops mid-pass.
Standing in the doorway to the kitchen in a black button down shirt, and form-fitting dark-washed jeans, hands tucked into the pockets was Joe Thornton. Newest transfer to their high school, and Roberto's current object of lust. Not that he'd ever tell anyone that.
And, before Roberto could tell Ryan to shove the drink down his own throat, he quickly withdrew his hand, and all but swallowed the whole contents of the cup in one gulp.
Roberto nearly choked when he brought the now empty cup away from his lips. Ryan clapped him on the back.
"Atta boy, Lui!"
Roberto glared at Ryan, and was about to ask him what was in the cup - because he sure as hell knew it wasn't iced tea - when he noticed Joe run a hand through his curly auburn hair, and walk towards the granite-top island in the middle of the kitchen. He turned his head towards Roberto, and Roberto averted his eyes, refusing to acknowledge how long Joe's eyelashes actually were. Roberto watched as Joe found an empty cup, filled it with club soda and vodka, and dumped two ice cubes into it. He picked up his drink, and headed back the way he came. He gave Roberto a slight smile, and nodded his head as he exited the kitchen.
"What the shit was that?" Ryan whispered from beside Roberto. "Do y'know, Jumbo Joe?"
Roberto opened his mouth to tell him he had absolutely no idea, and that, no, he did not know Joe, but realized his throat was completely dry.
"Another iced tea," he croaked out, gesturing for another cup.
Roberto didn't bother to look at the cup being shoved into his hand, before he gulped down the contents.
By now, Dan had whisked Kevin out of the kitchen, and Ryan was cooing in Roberto's ear.
"'Let's play a love game, play a love game'," Ryan was singing, as he half-dragged Roberto back out into the living room.
"Really, Kes, Lady GaGa?" Roberto chuckled.
"Shut up, man! She's ... she's hawt!" Ryan blinks, and starts patting Roberto's chest with his hand. "Dude, look who's here!"
Roberto looks around hurriedly, which earns him a slap of Ryan's hand on his chest.
"Naw! Over there! In the corner!"
Roberto glares at Ryan, but turns in the direction Ryan is gesturing to, before he is bodily turned around to face Ryan. "Don't make it obvious!" Ryan leans in then. "Hank and Danny!"
Roberto stifles a laugh, knowing all too well about Ryan's crush on Henrik Sedin. He notices Henrik in the corner, laughing at something Alex Edler says. Eventually, Edler is led away by Sami Salo, leaving Henrik alone.
"Strange. Usually Hank and Danny are together. Wonder where Danny went to."
Ryan shrugs. "Thought I saw him with Burr. Ah well, gonna go talk to him." He blinks at Roberto, almost as if he finally realizes who he is standing with. "Y'going to be okay?"
Roberto notes Ryan will probably leave regardless of what he tells him, but he nods and Ryan hurries away.
He stands in the middle of the room, empty cup in his hand, watching everyone in their various stages of inebriation. Kevin and Dan whispering amongst themselves in an oversized armchair; Chris Higgins with his head in Keith Ballard's lap on the couch; Max and Aaron arguing over their favourite hockey player stats; Cory and Jannik tossing a baseball between them by the window; David Booth leaning his head against Dale Weise's shoulder; Ryan's probably sucking face with Hank somewhere; and he finally catches a glimpse of Alex stumbling his way up the stairs with Danny following closely behind him.
Roberto sighs, before he heads back into the kitchen.
He's not sure how he manages to polish off three more beers, but he does, and before he knows it, he's sitting on a kitchen stool, waiting for the neon-green lights of the oven clock to stop multiplying. He tells himself the beers were to avoid having to talk to people. Although, he has to admit, Schneids did know how to throw a party.
It's sometime after eleven, when he hears a bunch of hoots, and catcalls coming from the hallway. He somehow stumbles off to where the noise is coming from, and before he knows what is going on, he feels Alex all but yanking him up the stairs.
"What the fuck is going on?" he says, staring at Alex, bleary-eyed, and more than half-cut.
"Trust me, you'll thank me later!" Alex says, winking over top of Roberto's head to Ryan and Kevin.
"Burr, what the - at least tell me what you -"
"I'm setting the timer now," Alex says in way of response.
"Burr!" Roberto exclaims, half-turning toward Alex, when he sees the door being closed in his face. "Burr! This isn't funny!" Roberto tries the doorknob, and is horrified when he realizes Alex isn't letting go of the other side of the knob. "Jesus fuck," he mutters.
"No cheating!" Roberto hears Alex yell from the other side of the door.
"Cheat! What the fuck are you talking about?" Roberto lets go of the doorknob, and crosses his arms, glaring at the knob as if that would make it turn on its own. "And I never cheat, Alexandre Burrows!"
"I think he's talking about the game we're supposed to be playing," Roberto hears from behind him.
He closes his eyes, and mentally counts to ten. Alex wouldn't. He didn't. Except, as Roberto half-turned towards the other voice, he knew Alex, in fact, had done just what he suspected.
"Alex is so dead," Roberto mumbled, as he pressed himself up against the closed door, and stared across the floor to Joe Thornton.
~*~
>> Chapter Two
Also, yeah, renamed my Joe Thornton/Roberto Luongo fanmix, because, well, damnit, 'This is the Longest Kiss' is much better suited for this fic.
Disclaimer: Not real.
Warnings: Uh ... crack pairings?
This is the Longest Kiss
Joe Thornton (San Jose Sharks)/Roberto Luongo (Vancouver Canucks); *deep breath* brief mention of the following: Cory Schneider/Jannik Hansen; Kevin Bieksa/Dan Hamhuis; Sami Salo/Alex Edler; Daniel Sedin/Alex Burrows; Ryan Kesler/Henrik Sedin; Chris Higgins/Keith Ballard; David Booth/Dale Weise; Max Lapierre/Aaron Volpatti; I TOLD YOU ... IT'S ALL CRACK!!! PG-13; 1929 words (this part)
A house party, liquor, your crush. Truly a recipe for disaster.
This is the Longest Kiss
"This, by far, tops your list of 'bad things Burr does when he's sixteen'," Roberto grumbled, tucking his hands into the pocket of his jeans.
"Lighten up," Alex said, as they made their way up the walkway.
"'Lighten up?' Like the time I let you drag me to David Booth's house party, and I somehow ended up tied to our school's flagpole in just my shoes, socks and boxers?"
Roberto watches as Alex's upper lip twitches in amusement. "Like I told you then, no footage of that exists."
"And then there was the pool party at Ballard's house in the summer after ninth grade -"
"- Where someone spiked your punch and you ended up blurting out that you'd had a crush on Kevin Bieksa that entire year?"
Roberto's cheeks coloured. "We said we wouldn't talk about that!"
"My mistake."
"So, why, pray tell, are we at Cory Schneider's house party?"
Alex patted Roberto's back, before he curled his arm around Roberto's shoulder, and sighed. "Now, now, Roberto, you're not still upset about Cory and you breaking up?"
Roberto felt as all the blood rushed to his cheeks. "Of course not. I'm just - I'm just - damn it ... Look, I'm just surprised he invited us both."
Alex chewed on the inside of his cheek as he mulled over Roberto's sentence. "Y'know as well as I do that no-one actually gets formally invited to house parties, right?" He eyed Roberto speculatively. Roberto didn't like the look Alex's eyes had. He was quite sure Alex was debating about asking him the Cory-related question. Roberto was proven correct a few moments later.
"Speaking of which, why'd you and Schneids break up anyway?"
Roberto was silent for a few moments. Cory and him had been the hottest of the hot couple for close to half a year. Cory, the star pitcher for the baseball team, and him, star goalie for the Junior Varsity squad. It was, well, perfect. Except, somewhere along the line, that perfection slowly began to dwindle, until they realized maybe, just maybe, they were better off apart. They amicably split about a month ago. Though, the latest rumour floating around the locker room was Cory getting 'hot-and heavy' - his teammates words, not his - with Jannik Hansen, striker for their school's soccer team.
"Technicality," he said, pulling his thoughts away from Cory (after all, who Cory was making out with now was none of his business), and completely ignoring Alex's question. He reached out to ring the doorbell. "Let's just get this night over with."
The door was flung open by a very out of breath Cory Schneider. He was holding a plastic cup with beer, his other hand interlaced with Jannik Hansen's.
Roberto's eyes flickered to their interlaced fingers, before they went back up to Cory's face. Well, the rumours were certainly true he surmised.
"Hey!" Cory starts, eyes bright, "Come on in, Lu, Burr. You know where the kitchen is. You'll find everything there."
"Schneids! Heads up!" Roberto hears someone call from somewhere inside the house. Cory barely has time to duck when a baseball just whizzes by his head. Roberto catches it easily. He notices now that Alex has disappeared somewhere in the house. He thought he saw Max Lapierre - or was it Mikael Samuelsson - whisk him off, but he wasn't sure.
"Nice catch," Cory says, smiling broadly.
"Thanks," Roberto whispers, holding out the baseball. "I had a good teacher."
Their eyes meet briefly, before Cory lets Roberto place the ball in his fingers, balancing the plastic cup of beer awkwardly in his hand. "Oh, Lui, this is Jannik Hansen. Jannik, Roberto."
Roberto nods his head in Jannik's direction. "JV soccer, right?"
"Yeah, striker. JV goalie, correct?"
Roberto reaches a hand out to shake Jannik's. "Nice to meet you."
After the introductions are out of the way, Roberto ventures inside to try and find out where Alex went. He barely gets ten steps into the house when he's enveloped in a hug. He feels his teammate, Ryan Kesler kiss his hair, and ruffle it, before he pulls back.
"Lui! My man! So glad you're here!"
Roberto watches as Ryan sways slightly on his feet, a half-empty plastic cup in his hand. "Man, did y'just get here? Dude, does Schneids throw an awesome party or what?" Ryan takes another swig from his cup. "Lui, where the fuck's your drink? C'mon, buddy, y'need to get one!"
"I think you've done enough drinking for both of us," Roberto mumbles, patting Ryan's hand, which was currently draped across his shoulders.
Ryan waves his hand. "Don't be such a wet blanket!" With that said, Ryan all but drags Roberto into the kitchen, and lets out a dramatic sigh when he gets there.
"Man, Juice, get a room would ya?"
Kevin Bieska disentangles himself from Dan Hamhuis' arms to glare at Ryan. He throws an empty cup at his head.
"Fuck off, Kes. Y'jealous?" he half-yells. Dan laughs beside Kevin, and nuzzles his nose against Kevin's neck.
Ryan scoffs. "Of you two? Pfft ..." He pulls Roberto closer to his side. "Isn't that right, Lui? I'm not jealous of Juice and Hammer ... 'specially when I've got you." Ryan kissed Roberto's temple. "I love ya, man. Y'know I do, right?"
Roberto gives a nervous titter. "Yeah, I know. I love ya, too," he mumbles, knowing Ryan will never remember any of this in the morning.
Somehow in the span of time of Kev tossing a cup at Ryan's head and Ryan's drunken ramblings, Roberto somehow ends up with a cup in his hand. He sniffs it suspiciously. The liquid looked like watered down Coke.
"Relax, Lui. S'just iced tea," Ryan whispers into his ear, eyes on Roberto's cup.
Roberto shrugs Ryan's arm from his shoulder, and nearly shoves the cup into Ryan's hands, when he stops mid-pass.
Standing in the doorway to the kitchen in a black button down shirt, and form-fitting dark-washed jeans, hands tucked into the pockets was Joe Thornton. Newest transfer to their high school, and Roberto's current object of lust. Not that he'd ever tell anyone that.
And, before Roberto could tell Ryan to shove the drink down his own throat, he quickly withdrew his hand, and all but swallowed the whole contents of the cup in one gulp.
Roberto nearly choked when he brought the now empty cup away from his lips. Ryan clapped him on the back.
"Atta boy, Lui!"
Roberto glared at Ryan, and was about to ask him what was in the cup - because he sure as hell knew it wasn't iced tea - when he noticed Joe run a hand through his curly auburn hair, and walk towards the granite-top island in the middle of the kitchen. He turned his head towards Roberto, and Roberto averted his eyes, refusing to acknowledge how long Joe's eyelashes actually were. Roberto watched as Joe found an empty cup, filled it with club soda and vodka, and dumped two ice cubes into it. He picked up his drink, and headed back the way he came. He gave Roberto a slight smile, and nodded his head as he exited the kitchen.
"What the shit was that?" Ryan whispered from beside Roberto. "Do y'know, Jumbo Joe?"
Roberto opened his mouth to tell him he had absolutely no idea, and that, no, he did not know Joe, but realized his throat was completely dry.
"Another iced tea," he croaked out, gesturing for another cup.
Roberto didn't bother to look at the cup being shoved into his hand, before he gulped down the contents.
By now, Dan had whisked Kevin out of the kitchen, and Ryan was cooing in Roberto's ear.
"'Let's play a love game, play a love game'," Ryan was singing, as he half-dragged Roberto back out into the living room.
"Really, Kes, Lady GaGa?" Roberto chuckled.
"Shut up, man! She's ... she's hawt!" Ryan blinks, and starts patting Roberto's chest with his hand. "Dude, look who's here!"
Roberto looks around hurriedly, which earns him a slap of Ryan's hand on his chest.
"Naw! Over there! In the corner!"
Roberto glares at Ryan, but turns in the direction Ryan is gesturing to, before he is bodily turned around to face Ryan. "Don't make it obvious!" Ryan leans in then. "Hank and Danny!"
Roberto stifles a laugh, knowing all too well about Ryan's crush on Henrik Sedin. He notices Henrik in the corner, laughing at something Alex Edler says. Eventually, Edler is led away by Sami Salo, leaving Henrik alone.
"Strange. Usually Hank and Danny are together. Wonder where Danny went to."
Ryan shrugs. "Thought I saw him with Burr. Ah well, gonna go talk to him." He blinks at Roberto, almost as if he finally realizes who he is standing with. "Y'going to be okay?"
Roberto notes Ryan will probably leave regardless of what he tells him, but he nods and Ryan hurries away.
He stands in the middle of the room, empty cup in his hand, watching everyone in their various stages of inebriation. Kevin and Dan whispering amongst themselves in an oversized armchair; Chris Higgins with his head in Keith Ballard's lap on the couch; Max and Aaron arguing over their favourite hockey player stats; Cory and Jannik tossing a baseball between them by the window; David Booth leaning his head against Dale Weise's shoulder; Ryan's probably sucking face with Hank somewhere; and he finally catches a glimpse of Alex stumbling his way up the stairs with Danny following closely behind him.
Roberto sighs, before he heads back into the kitchen.
He's not sure how he manages to polish off three more beers, but he does, and before he knows it, he's sitting on a kitchen stool, waiting for the neon-green lights of the oven clock to stop multiplying. He tells himself the beers were to avoid having to talk to people. Although, he has to admit, Schneids did know how to throw a party.
It's sometime after eleven, when he hears a bunch of hoots, and catcalls coming from the hallway. He somehow stumbles off to where the noise is coming from, and before he knows what is going on, he feels Alex all but yanking him up the stairs.
"What the fuck is going on?" he says, staring at Alex, bleary-eyed, and more than half-cut.
"Trust me, you'll thank me later!" Alex says, winking over top of Roberto's head to Ryan and Kevin.
"Burr, what the - at least tell me what you -"
"I'm setting the timer now," Alex says in way of response.
"Burr!" Roberto exclaims, half-turning toward Alex, when he sees the door being closed in his face. "Burr! This isn't funny!" Roberto tries the doorknob, and is horrified when he realizes Alex isn't letting go of the other side of the knob. "Jesus fuck," he mutters.
"No cheating!" Roberto hears Alex yell from the other side of the door.
"Cheat! What the fuck are you talking about?" Roberto lets go of the doorknob, and crosses his arms, glaring at the knob as if that would make it turn on its own. "And I never cheat, Alexandre Burrows!"
"I think he's talking about the game we're supposed to be playing," Roberto hears from behind him.
He closes his eyes, and mentally counts to ten. Alex wouldn't. He didn't. Except, as Roberto half-turned towards the other voice, he knew Alex, in fact, had done just what he suspected.
"Alex is so dead," Roberto mumbled, as he pressed himself up against the closed door, and stared across the floor to Joe Thornton.
~*~
>> Chapter Two