Do you ever feel like crying?
I do. Most of the time actually. Like my life has some angst in it that I'm not aware of. Maybe it is because my care free days are ending.
I like being the way I am right now. It's nice to be aloof and let things go by without a care. But it's encroaching upon me now that I can't keep this going much longer. I never really had a childhood. Well obviously I did or I wouldn't be here now. But I never really had many friends.
I always wanted to be a part of a group, but I always feel....misplaced. Like I should be with some other people somewhere. It's hard to explain. I want friends, but then I want to be alone, then when I'm alone I want friends. Most of my life I've just watched other people move away. First my Dad when I was 5, Beth shortly after, then Emma, then Emily. And I guess it's my turn to leave soon. I don't want to grow up. The world isn't a nice place at all, I've tasted some of the harshness, have the scars to prove it too.
Do you look in the mnirror and see yourself? I don't. I wish I did but what I'm looking at is not me at all. I don't think many people know what it is like to hate themselves and most people with a passion. It is a cruel way to live. I'm just angry at so many so much.
I almost wish I had something to blame this upon. Like I had an abbusive parent or something similar. But I don't. Guess I can only blame myself.
I like being the way I am right now. It's nice to be aloof and let things go by without a care. But it's encroaching upon me now that I can't keep this going much longer. I never really had a childhood. Well obviously I did or I wouldn't be here now. But I never really had many friends.
I always wanted to be a part of a group, but I always feel....misplaced. Like I should be with some other people somewhere. It's hard to explain. I want friends, but then I want to be alone, then when I'm alone I want friends. Most of my life I've just watched other people move away. First my Dad when I was 5, Beth shortly after, then Emma, then Emily. And I guess it's my turn to leave soon. I don't want to grow up. The world isn't a nice place at all, I've tasted some of the harshness, have the scars to prove it too.
Do you look in the mnirror and see yourself? I don't. I wish I did but what I'm looking at is not me at all. I don't think many people know what it is like to hate themselves and most people with a passion. It is a cruel way to live. I'm just angry at so many so much.
I almost wish I had something to blame this upon. Like I had an abbusive parent or something similar. But I don't. Guess I can only blame myself.