The Dream of Flight
One of the worst things that could ever happen to a person is for him/her to walk into a conversation of two people bad-mouthing him/her. It is not only embarrassing for both parties but also tragically painful. Around five minutes ago, I entered the SEC A washroom and overheard the conversation of two Pathways Youth Conference participants. The last line of their dialogue went, "Alam mo, dapat ikaw na lang yun emcee... Agawin mo na lang yun mic mamaya..."
I was the emcee.
Of course, the moment those words got processed in my brain, my heart shattered into tiny little bits. I had a feeling the Pathways group didn't like me, and I knew I was doing a subpar job; but still, the pain was (still is actually) unbearable. I didn't joke as much as before. There were many dull moments. My co-host and I just don't get along (and they like her far more). Everything just went bad. I wouldn't even consider my performance as mediocre. It just plain stinks. Someone kill me now please.
Now, I ask myself, "What could have happened?" I was never this dull before. I have hosted many events, but none ever felt this ugly. When I think back to my efforts over the last three days, I not only see shit, I smell its overwhelming stench. I never want to host again!
Maybe it's because I'm no longer the fun guy I used to be. Maybe I've just set my mind too much on going to law school that my carefree and humorous side has abandoned me. Maybe I've lost the ability to just grab the audience's attention. I've lost my charm... my aura... my personality.
It's times like this that I want to go back in time. There was a time when people laughed at my jokes. There was a time when people smiled at me when I looked at them and I'd smile back. There was a time when my mere presence would light up a room and people would have the time of their lives. But those times are gone. I was a kid back then, not a law student. I played around and never really took things seriously. I'm not that kid anymore... and I hate it!
I just watched "Finding Neverland," a story about J.M. Barrie and how he got to write Peter Pan. In Peter Pan, kids could fly because they believed they could fly. They weren't bound by the rules of gravity or by any rules for that matter. They were carefree and remained children forever and they could fly whenever they felt like it.
I used to believe I could fly. Whenever I felt bored, or whenever there was a long distnace to travel, or whenever I studied for an exam, I would close my eyes and fly. Just go somewhere else other than where I was. I was a kid, and I never saw life as life but as a game. And in this game, I would fly. It was great! As I remember it now, I believe it's even better than sex. To just fly above the trees, above the buildings, and through the clouds. I still try to fly now, in my mind; but then thoughts of gravity and aerodynamics cause me to crash, leaving me with searing headaches.
I can't fly now. And I've forgotten how to have real fun. And I've lost all sense of innocence and immaturity. I'm boring now, and I hate myself for it. No longer am I one of the kids from Neverland. Now I'm just a kid about to go to UP law.
I'm sorry. These thoughts are just all too stupid! I should be thankful for all the blessings coming my way. If having a better life means having to let go of being a child then be it, right? I'm suppose to live in the real world now...
But still, I wish I could fly...
I was the emcee.
Of course, the moment those words got processed in my brain, my heart shattered into tiny little bits. I had a feeling the Pathways group didn't like me, and I knew I was doing a subpar job; but still, the pain was (still is actually) unbearable. I didn't joke as much as before. There were many dull moments. My co-host and I just don't get along (and they like her far more). Everything just went bad. I wouldn't even consider my performance as mediocre. It just plain stinks. Someone kill me now please.
Now, I ask myself, "What could have happened?" I was never this dull before. I have hosted many events, but none ever felt this ugly. When I think back to my efforts over the last three days, I not only see shit, I smell its overwhelming stench. I never want to host again!
Maybe it's because I'm no longer the fun guy I used to be. Maybe I've just set my mind too much on going to law school that my carefree and humorous side has abandoned me. Maybe I've lost the ability to just grab the audience's attention. I've lost my charm... my aura... my personality.
It's times like this that I want to go back in time. There was a time when people laughed at my jokes. There was a time when people smiled at me when I looked at them and I'd smile back. There was a time when my mere presence would light up a room and people would have the time of their lives. But those times are gone. I was a kid back then, not a law student. I played around and never really took things seriously. I'm not that kid anymore... and I hate it!
I just watched "Finding Neverland," a story about J.M. Barrie and how he got to write Peter Pan. In Peter Pan, kids could fly because they believed they could fly. They weren't bound by the rules of gravity or by any rules for that matter. They were carefree and remained children forever and they could fly whenever they felt like it.
I used to believe I could fly. Whenever I felt bored, or whenever there was a long distnace to travel, or whenever I studied for an exam, I would close my eyes and fly. Just go somewhere else other than where I was. I was a kid, and I never saw life as life but as a game. And in this game, I would fly. It was great! As I remember it now, I believe it's even better than sex. To just fly above the trees, above the buildings, and through the clouds. I still try to fly now, in my mind; but then thoughts of gravity and aerodynamics cause me to crash, leaving me with searing headaches.
I can't fly now. And I've forgotten how to have real fun. And I've lost all sense of innocence and immaturity. I'm boring now, and I hate myself for it. No longer am I one of the kids from Neverland. Now I'm just a kid about to go to UP law.
I'm sorry. These thoughts are just all too stupid! I should be thankful for all the blessings coming my way. If having a better life means having to let go of being a child then be it, right? I'm suppose to live in the real world now...
But still, I wish I could fly...