Help Wanted
"Respect is earned, not demanded!"
A so-called "friend" once threw this line at me after I reprimanded someone for using a cellphone, while I was giving a talk during an AMS GA. The act of interrupting me while I was speaking was just too insulting for me and I had to call his attention in front of everyone attending. Unfortunately, this senior member apparently didn't see things the same way, and instead, she got mad at me for acting the way I did? Well, I kinda saw her point, but what exactly did she mean when she said that line, "Respect is earned?" It got me thinking (as most trivial things usually do for me), "Am I a person not worthy of respect?"
The same question popped into my mind yesterday afternoon as I was announcing some reminders during the ANI GA. When I was introduced, people were laughing at me -- making fun of me. Well, this was something that wasn't really new to me since people seem to have such a great time poking fun at me; but what really irritated me was the fact that when I began talking, people did not only NOT pay attention to what I was saying, they were intentionally making noise, blurting out side comments, and counting my "ok"s. And to think that I wasn't cracking jokes or making funny faces! I was dead serious and, in fact, i could actually feel the heat filling up my ears! I was furious. I wanted to just shout at all of them but then I restrained myself. I figured I better not destroy the little respect they had remaining for me (if there even is any respect for me).
It's pretty depressing really. These people were different from my AMS co-members. These people were supposedly ANI volunteers -- people you could talk to, seriously. I expected more from them; but sadly, they didn't seem to care about what it was I was saying. And what saddened me even more was the fact that the people present apparently had no respect for me. OK, so admittedly, I haven't done much to deserve their respect, but still, doesn't the position of Assistant Vice Principal mean anything to them? Even if I am a person not deserving of respect, should they not at least listen because what I was talking about concerned the kids?
The whole event just pissed me off, causing me to leave the venue with a heavy heart. At home, the feeling of disappointment turned to depression and lost of self-esteem. Statements like, "I'm not worthy of respect," and "I'm a useless leader," flooded my brain. Maybe I did something wrong? Maybe it's my whole attitude towards people which makes them lose respect for me? Whatever it is, I don't like it.
Today, I noticed the same thing. Left and right, people were poking fun at me, putting me down, and saying things like "Abet has no character." Is it my lack of character which denies me the respect a human being deserves? Or do I even have the right to call myself a human being? From the lack of respect being shown to me, it sometimes dawns on me that I'm something much less than human. Perhaps I'm something lower like a pig or a dog. But come on, even dogs and pigs sometimes get some respect.
Now, it seems hopeless. I feel like the only solution for me is to leave the country and start anew. Maybe I shouldn't be too friendly in the future. Maybe I should just retreat to an isolated cave somewhere near the Pacific. One things for certain though, I should change my life, for the way people are treating me sure isn't getting any better. For the people reading out there, "What is wrong with me?" "What makes me so unlovable?"
I was texting with a friend the other night and I told her I seemed to be having a hard time letting go my life in College. She asked me why and I couldn't answer. Well, after yesterday, the whole letting go thing now seems a lot easier. I want out of here! I want out of this College! I want out of this life!
I'm tired...
And I'm desperate...
For once, I want to become a human being deserving of respect...
I need help... Please...
A so-called "friend" once threw this line at me after I reprimanded someone for using a cellphone, while I was giving a talk during an AMS GA. The act of interrupting me while I was speaking was just too insulting for me and I had to call his attention in front of everyone attending. Unfortunately, this senior member apparently didn't see things the same way, and instead, she got mad at me for acting the way I did? Well, I kinda saw her point, but what exactly did she mean when she said that line, "Respect is earned?" It got me thinking (as most trivial things usually do for me), "Am I a person not worthy of respect?"
The same question popped into my mind yesterday afternoon as I was announcing some reminders during the ANI GA. When I was introduced, people were laughing at me -- making fun of me. Well, this was something that wasn't really new to me since people seem to have such a great time poking fun at me; but what really irritated me was the fact that when I began talking, people did not only NOT pay attention to what I was saying, they were intentionally making noise, blurting out side comments, and counting my "ok"s. And to think that I wasn't cracking jokes or making funny faces! I was dead serious and, in fact, i could actually feel the heat filling up my ears! I was furious. I wanted to just shout at all of them but then I restrained myself. I figured I better not destroy the little respect they had remaining for me (if there even is any respect for me).
It's pretty depressing really. These people were different from my AMS co-members. These people were supposedly ANI volunteers -- people you could talk to, seriously. I expected more from them; but sadly, they didn't seem to care about what it was I was saying. And what saddened me even more was the fact that the people present apparently had no respect for me. OK, so admittedly, I haven't done much to deserve their respect, but still, doesn't the position of Assistant Vice Principal mean anything to them? Even if I am a person not deserving of respect, should they not at least listen because what I was talking about concerned the kids?
The whole event just pissed me off, causing me to leave the venue with a heavy heart. At home, the feeling of disappointment turned to depression and lost of self-esteem. Statements like, "I'm not worthy of respect," and "I'm a useless leader," flooded my brain. Maybe I did something wrong? Maybe it's my whole attitude towards people which makes them lose respect for me? Whatever it is, I don't like it.
Today, I noticed the same thing. Left and right, people were poking fun at me, putting me down, and saying things like "Abet has no character." Is it my lack of character which denies me the respect a human being deserves? Or do I even have the right to call myself a human being? From the lack of respect being shown to me, it sometimes dawns on me that I'm something much less than human. Perhaps I'm something lower like a pig or a dog. But come on, even dogs and pigs sometimes get some respect.
Now, it seems hopeless. I feel like the only solution for me is to leave the country and start anew. Maybe I shouldn't be too friendly in the future. Maybe I should just retreat to an isolated cave somewhere near the Pacific. One things for certain though, I should change my life, for the way people are treating me sure isn't getting any better. For the people reading out there, "What is wrong with me?" "What makes me so unlovable?"
I was texting with a friend the other night and I told her I seemed to be having a hard time letting go my life in College. She asked me why and I couldn't answer. Well, after yesterday, the whole letting go thing now seems a lot easier. I want out of here! I want out of this College! I want out of this life!
I'm tired...
And I'm desperate...
For once, I want to become a human being deserving of respect...
I need help... Please...