A girls story
Let me tell you a story
There was once a girl, she was quite shy, quiet and naive when it came to everything. Her whole life she lived in here own world, her little safety bubble...scared that people would never accept her for who she was. Her family was kinda normal, her mother was a workaholic and her father was a carefree man who enjoyed to drink and gamble. She had a younger sister who was always the center of attention and a older half sister who was a rebel (she wont be in this story much). But there was just something different about this girl, she didn't feel like she fit into her family. At school she was bullied, by both her peers and her teachers. She had friends yes, but not real friends, not the kind that would stand with her. She always just felt alone, she didn't know who she was..she wore a mask in front of everyone, pretending everything was fine when in reality something just wasn't right inside.
Like I've said before she was naive, but non the less she stepped out of the safety of her bubble. Only to be met with great hatred towards her, this made the girl very sad becuase she didn't understand why people didn't like her. It came on strong from many people, and she just didn't know how to deal with it...She was 8 years old, only 8 when she first contemplated suicide...
She grew older she is now 13, starting her first year in high school. Thinking to herself that maybe just maybe she can find a place in the world for her, and break her bubble. Sadly she was very wrong, high school was worse. She would eat her lunch by herself in the restroom, no one spoke a word to her, and her so called friends disappeared. She was more alone then she ever felt. Her parents were starting to act weird also, and with that came grave news to the girl. On Christmas Day she discovered that her parents are separating, her father moved downstairs while her mother looked for a new place to live. The young girl really detested her mother, because it was all her fault her family was being torn apart.
She had never seem her father cry before, and her little heart went out to him. Her mother told her and her younger sister that they had to move in with her, they both objected to this but they had no choice. They moved out of the house, leaving their very depressed father behind. She tried to handle the situation as best as possible, but it was getting harder and harder every day. Her mother would cry herself to sleep every night, and her little sister would crawl in bed with her at night. The girl would sing her sister to sleep just to drown out the sobs of her mother in the other room. Her father got a lot worse as well, he was starting to get sick. He wouldn't eat, he wouldn't go out, he just worked went home and sat there drinking away his sorrows. She decided to take it upon her self to take care of her family at the young age of 13.
Over the next couple of year she would take her father out to see movies or to just go out to dinner. She made sure he went to his doctors appointments and stayed in good health. She would let her sister sleep with her, when every she needed it and talk to her like her mother should have. As for her mom...well she still wasn't happy with her but she new something wasn't right. Her mother hid everything from them, that they didn't find out till after. She was well...borderline insane. This was hard on her...years of taking care of her family, sometimes it was just so unbearable that yea she thought suicide would be a great escape. She never went though with it, but found another way to deal with the pain. She started to self-mutilate, she would cut her arms, and later on her thighs because people were noticing the cuts on her arms. It was a welcoming pain, unlike the feeling that was always with her, a great escape.
The girl is now 17, shes starting to enjoy high school. She joined the music program as a vocalist, and met her best friend. She still lives in her bubble, but it is now starting to thin out. Her parents are a lot better now for both of them are dating, and her younger sister is starting to grow in to a strong independent girl. Things are starting to look up...until reality hits again
In her 18th year of life, she is freshly graduated from high school and is now attending her first year of college. She decided it was time to grow up, to break the bubble and give a chance the world. She experienced many things good and bad, like drinking and smoking weed, but also opened up to friends about her past, and made connections with many different people. But at home it was an entirely different story, her father is in a serious relationship, and this scares her because she is protective of her dad for she doesn't want to see him like that again.
She also met her first boyfriend when she was 18, he's wasn't the cream de la crop but she was very excited and very happy that she of all people could experience something like that. She never thought someone would accept her for herself, let alone fall in love with her. She didn't know what she was getting in too...
She and her boyfriend were getting along really good, but they were moving too fast. After 6 months of dating he got kicked out of his house because of his drug use. She feeling really sorry for him asked her dad if they could move in together, and he obliged figuring that it would help her. Well as I said before her father and his girlfriend were serious, and she did not like the fact that the girl and her boyfriend were there. It got so bad that her father and his girlfriend argued about the girl, because the girl finally came clean about her depression and her self mutilation. Well I wouldn't say she came clean as more as she was discovered. You see the girl had an episode, and a very big one at that. This time she actually tried to take her life by cutting her throat, after she cut her legs becuase the pain was just to unbearable. She didn't care anymore, she didn't care about her friends, her boyfriend or even her family she just wanted it to end. Luckily her boyfriend was with her at the time and called her father, and her father called the police and an ambulance. The girl was rushed to the hospital, she had her cut looked at and was then sent to a padded room. She was not allowed to speak to her family, the only person she was allowed to talk to was a shrink, who the girl refused to talk to. After finally giving in and promising to go and see a professional about her problems she was allowed to leave. The girl went to one session with the psychiatrist, and then stopped...she new that talking to them wouldn't help her.
She got over fairly quick, so the arguments started again with her father and his girlfriend to the point where the girl and her fathers girlfriend got in to a heated fight, and the girl got slapped across the face...Her father took the side of his girlfriend and asked the two of them to find a new place to live...
The girl was well pissed off, she accepted the fact that she will never get along with the evil women but her father was happy and she was ok with that. They moved in to a dump of a place, but neither of them cared because they were together, she thought of it as kinda like a fairy tale come true all that was needed was a fairy godmother...but the godmother never came, instead it was drugs, prescription drugs. She was ok with her boyfriend being a dealer as long as he didn't do it, but low and behold he started to do drugs behind her back. Once she found out, he cried to her saying he's addicted, that it's a darkness he could not escape, that he was afraid and alone. She knew most of these feelings, and in her heart she didn't want him to be alone for she knew know one should ever be alone. She started to take drugs with him, she completely let her guard down and threw away her morals and values for him.
Over the next year she was taking Oxy's (Oxycontin), she liked the high it gave her, she felt utter happiness when she was on it and yes she was addicted With addiction everything becomes a blur, as if her life just wasn't there. She spent a lot of money and lost her best friend as well as herself to drugs. She even lost her boyfriend, they were together the whole time but there was always problems, they were always fighting. She was now on a dark path, not seeing anything but pills in her way. She was sick, and she new it she seen it every time she looked in a mirror. But sometimes unexpected things happen...One of her best friends, her right hand man, her wing-man died. He was living in Calgary, got in to a big fight was hit over the head with a bat and sent to the hospital...no he did not die of this. You see he was also an addict, and because he was in so much pain they prescribed him Oxy's...he use to shoot them up, and one night he just took to much and died of an overdose. When she heard news of this he became her light on the dark path, and she decided she was done with drugs.
At first she tried rehab, but rehab was terrible. All she did was smoke, take medication and lay on her bed. She could not sleep or eat because she was suffering, her body was rejecting everything. She did not like rehab and left after 3 days (Her boyfriend lasted a day and a night in rehab). She then decided she was going to start a program for addicts, the methadone program. She was taking methadone for 4-5 months before she finished the program, and was completely free of any drugs. her boyfriend though was not going to be off for much longer because he did not have the strength she did.
By this time in her life she is now 21, she is free of all drugs and she has her friends back, all she needs to do is find herself. But finding herself while her boyfriend is still doing drugs while on the program was hard for her. She and him fought a lot more, till she couldn't handle him anymore. They decided it was time to separate, her mother offered her to move back in and she accepted. She decided from that moment on she was going back to school, and get her life straight.
That girl is now 23.
She broke out of her bubble, and experienced life. It may not have been the best experience but she is still here and still protected from the world. In the place of the bubble is now a shied, A shied that she believes she will carry the rest of her life. She is ok with this, she understand that she will need protecting and the only way to do it is by her own strength in carrying the shield.
Though her experiences she went from a shy child to a strong women who understand the world more then most people. She has not touched any drug since she stop, and she has not harmed her body in a very long time. She knows it will take many more years to fully heal her heart, mind and soul but she will go on...with her head held high.
The End
With life comes up and downs,it what emotions are...We have them to experience them, it's what makes us human and not robots. People need embrace there emotions, to make them selves stronger. We can not bottle them up and hope they go away, if you fill the bottle to high it will explode.
Learn from your past.
Experience your present.
and the future, well that's for you to decide...I think I will just accept mine :)
There was once a girl, she was quite shy, quiet and naive when it came to everything. Her whole life she lived in here own world, her little safety bubble...scared that people would never accept her for who she was. Her family was kinda normal, her mother was a workaholic and her father was a carefree man who enjoyed to drink and gamble. She had a younger sister who was always the center of attention and a older half sister who was a rebel (she wont be in this story much). But there was just something different about this girl, she didn't feel like she fit into her family. At school she was bullied, by both her peers and her teachers. She had friends yes, but not real friends, not the kind that would stand with her. She always just felt alone, she didn't know who she was..she wore a mask in front of everyone, pretending everything was fine when in reality something just wasn't right inside.
Like I've said before she was naive, but non the less she stepped out of the safety of her bubble. Only to be met with great hatred towards her, this made the girl very sad becuase she didn't understand why people didn't like her. It came on strong from many people, and she just didn't know how to deal with it...She was 8 years old, only 8 when she first contemplated suicide...
She grew older she is now 13, starting her first year in high school. Thinking to herself that maybe just maybe she can find a place in the world for her, and break her bubble. Sadly she was very wrong, high school was worse. She would eat her lunch by herself in the restroom, no one spoke a word to her, and her so called friends disappeared. She was more alone then she ever felt. Her parents were starting to act weird also, and with that came grave news to the girl. On Christmas Day she discovered that her parents are separating, her father moved downstairs while her mother looked for a new place to live. The young girl really detested her mother, because it was all her fault her family was being torn apart.
She had never seem her father cry before, and her little heart went out to him. Her mother told her and her younger sister that they had to move in with her, they both objected to this but they had no choice. They moved out of the house, leaving their very depressed father behind. She tried to handle the situation as best as possible, but it was getting harder and harder every day. Her mother would cry herself to sleep every night, and her little sister would crawl in bed with her at night. The girl would sing her sister to sleep just to drown out the sobs of her mother in the other room. Her father got a lot worse as well, he was starting to get sick. He wouldn't eat, he wouldn't go out, he just worked went home and sat there drinking away his sorrows. She decided to take it upon her self to take care of her family at the young age of 13.
Over the next couple of year she would take her father out to see movies or to just go out to dinner. She made sure he went to his doctors appointments and stayed in good health. She would let her sister sleep with her, when every she needed it and talk to her like her mother should have. As for her mom...well she still wasn't happy with her but she new something wasn't right. Her mother hid everything from them, that they didn't find out till after. She was well...borderline insane. This was hard on her...years of taking care of her family, sometimes it was just so unbearable that yea she thought suicide would be a great escape. She never went though with it, but found another way to deal with the pain. She started to self-mutilate, she would cut her arms, and later on her thighs because people were noticing the cuts on her arms. It was a welcoming pain, unlike the feeling that was always with her, a great escape.
The girl is now 17, shes starting to enjoy high school. She joined the music program as a vocalist, and met her best friend. She still lives in her bubble, but it is now starting to thin out. Her parents are a lot better now for both of them are dating, and her younger sister is starting to grow in to a strong independent girl. Things are starting to look up...until reality hits again
In her 18th year of life, she is freshly graduated from high school and is now attending her first year of college. She decided it was time to grow up, to break the bubble and give a chance the world. She experienced many things good and bad, like drinking and smoking weed, but also opened up to friends about her past, and made connections with many different people. But at home it was an entirely different story, her father is in a serious relationship, and this scares her because she is protective of her dad for she doesn't want to see him like that again.
She also met her first boyfriend when she was 18, he's wasn't the cream de la crop but she was very excited and very happy that she of all people could experience something like that. She never thought someone would accept her for herself, let alone fall in love with her. She didn't know what she was getting in too...
She and her boyfriend were getting along really good, but they were moving too fast. After 6 months of dating he got kicked out of his house because of his drug use. She feeling really sorry for him asked her dad if they could move in together, and he obliged figuring that it would help her. Well as I said before her father and his girlfriend were serious, and she did not like the fact that the girl and her boyfriend were there. It got so bad that her father and his girlfriend argued about the girl, because the girl finally came clean about her depression and her self mutilation. Well I wouldn't say she came clean as more as she was discovered. You see the girl had an episode, and a very big one at that. This time she actually tried to take her life by cutting her throat, after she cut her legs becuase the pain was just to unbearable. She didn't care anymore, she didn't care about her friends, her boyfriend or even her family she just wanted it to end. Luckily her boyfriend was with her at the time and called her father, and her father called the police and an ambulance. The girl was rushed to the hospital, she had her cut looked at and was then sent to a padded room. She was not allowed to speak to her family, the only person she was allowed to talk to was a shrink, who the girl refused to talk to. After finally giving in and promising to go and see a professional about her problems she was allowed to leave. The girl went to one session with the psychiatrist, and then stopped...she new that talking to them wouldn't help her.
She got over fairly quick, so the arguments started again with her father and his girlfriend to the point where the girl and her fathers girlfriend got in to a heated fight, and the girl got slapped across the face...Her father took the side of his girlfriend and asked the two of them to find a new place to live...
The girl was well pissed off, she accepted the fact that she will never get along with the evil women but her father was happy and she was ok with that. They moved in to a dump of a place, but neither of them cared because they were together, she thought of it as kinda like a fairy tale come true all that was needed was a fairy godmother...but the godmother never came, instead it was drugs, prescription drugs. She was ok with her boyfriend being a dealer as long as he didn't do it, but low and behold he started to do drugs behind her back. Once she found out, he cried to her saying he's addicted, that it's a darkness he could not escape, that he was afraid and alone. She knew most of these feelings, and in her heart she didn't want him to be alone for she knew know one should ever be alone. She started to take drugs with him, she completely let her guard down and threw away her morals and values for him.
Over the next year she was taking Oxy's (Oxycontin), she liked the high it gave her, she felt utter happiness when she was on it and yes she was addicted With addiction everything becomes a blur, as if her life just wasn't there. She spent a lot of money and lost her best friend as well as herself to drugs. She even lost her boyfriend, they were together the whole time but there was always problems, they were always fighting. She was now on a dark path, not seeing anything but pills in her way. She was sick, and she new it she seen it every time she looked in a mirror. But sometimes unexpected things happen...One of her best friends, her right hand man, her wing-man died. He was living in Calgary, got in to a big fight was hit over the head with a bat and sent to the hospital...no he did not die of this. You see he was also an addict, and because he was in so much pain they prescribed him Oxy's...he use to shoot them up, and one night he just took to much and died of an overdose. When she heard news of this he became her light on the dark path, and she decided she was done with drugs.
At first she tried rehab, but rehab was terrible. All she did was smoke, take medication and lay on her bed. She could not sleep or eat because she was suffering, her body was rejecting everything. She did not like rehab and left after 3 days (Her boyfriend lasted a day and a night in rehab). She then decided she was going to start a program for addicts, the methadone program. She was taking methadone for 4-5 months before she finished the program, and was completely free of any drugs. her boyfriend though was not going to be off for much longer because he did not have the strength she did.
By this time in her life she is now 21, she is free of all drugs and she has her friends back, all she needs to do is find herself. But finding herself while her boyfriend is still doing drugs while on the program was hard for her. She and him fought a lot more, till she couldn't handle him anymore. They decided it was time to separate, her mother offered her to move back in and she accepted. She decided from that moment on she was going back to school, and get her life straight.
That girl is now 23.
She broke out of her bubble, and experienced life. It may not have been the best experience but she is still here and still protected from the world. In the place of the bubble is now a shied, A shied that she believes she will carry the rest of her life. She is ok with this, she understand that she will need protecting and the only way to do it is by her own strength in carrying the shield.
Though her experiences she went from a shy child to a strong women who understand the world more then most people. She has not touched any drug since she stop, and she has not harmed her body in a very long time. She knows it will take many more years to fully heal her heart, mind and soul but she will go on...with her head held high.
The End
With life comes up and downs,it what emotions are...We have them to experience them, it's what makes us human and not robots. People need embrace there emotions, to make them selves stronger. We can not bottle them up and hope they go away, if you fill the bottle to high it will explode.
Learn from your past.
Experience your present.
and the future, well that's for you to decide...I think I will just accept mine :)