Aug 12, 2010 19:10
I've been finding Jesus a lot lately.
Is it because I'm more attentive to Him? Or less? Either I've gotten better at listening or my heart is so hard that He's trying desperately to reach me.
At exactly 10:08 this morning, a coworker told me that she had something to tell me. Today was my last day at work, so I figured it was well-wishes for my last semester at school and yada-yada-yada. I've welcomed good thoughts, but haven't really thought twice about starting school up again. I've been incredibly busy with work and honestly haven't gotten much of a summer break. Anyway, what she had to tell me was so much more important than any 'good luck.'
"About two months ago, I was driving and listening to the radio and all of a sudden I felt the urge to turn down the radio and pray for you and Josh. I just kept praying for yall. And then I prayed for my son to find someone like you, Sarah. For him to find a good girl and wife like you. I just hope and pray everyday for someone to walk into our lives like you. You're so wonderful."
When she started crying, I started crying, all the while my phone buzzing in the front pocket of my scrubs. I usually don't answer the phone at work, so this was a norm for it to violently vibrate in my pocket and I'd call who ever it was back around lunch. We talked for a few more moments about our life circumstances and told each other we'd be praying for our designated concerns. I walked over to PACU, filled up the blanket warmer, and nonchalantly checked my phone. Voicemail from Hupy House left at 10:08. No big deal. I'll check it, I have a few minutes before the next patient comes out. In the most nervous voice I've ever heard my mother said, "Sarah, it's Mom. Call me when you get this. Bye."
Called her back. My Uncle Gary was taking my Aunt Laura to the ER again.
She's had cancer since 2003 and has been in and out of remission several times. This time, they did a very powerful chemo and it didn't touch the tumors. They recommended that she stop chemo and live the rest of her life the best she can. Best case scenario: 6 months; worst: 2 months. She had a drain put in 2 weeks ago because of fluid building up in her abdomen. She's on pain patches and oxygen. She couldn't breathe this morning with the O2. The hospital transferred her a hospice facility called Christopher House in Austin. It sounds horrible, but I'm ready for her to pass and rid herself of all the pain and suffering. I keep praying for her to pass peacefully in her sleep and for everyone who she wants there to be there as her soul leaves her. I'm more worried about how my grandmother is going to take the news. She's in hospice herself and has no idea that my aunt is sick again. Laura was supposed to come to Houston this weekend to tell grandma herself, but the Lord had other plans. I fear that after my grandma hears that Laura and is sick and passes, that she will follow shortly behind. I know this all apart of His master plan, but it's all so hard to understand now. We were hoping for another Christmas, but I think we might have to settle for what we have now.
My Dad. I'm worried about my Dad. He drove up to Austin today with my Uncle Mark and Aunt Sharon. He called this afternoon and sounded as if he was okay with what was going on. He loves his sister so much. He's staying there until further notice I guess. Josh and I made plans a week ago to go to Huffman this weekend so we're still going. I want to see my Dad so badly and give him a hug. I know he's holding all his feelings in around his siblings.
After I got the news at work, I just stood there and sobbed. Not even for the loss of my aunt or the pain it would cause my grandma and my dad, but I was crying because I could do nothing. Absolutely nothing. I made my way to the back to calm myself down in attempts to keep working for the rest of the day. We were so busy and I felt like I had a responsibility I couldn't walk away from. My coworker heard that I was upset and talked to me alone in a Pre-op room. We both realized that her telling me about her experience two months ago praying for Josh and I happened for a reason. In one hour's time we grew closer to each other than we had been for the last 2 years. She is an amazing woman of God! She is such a blessing!
I really hope my heart isn't hard, Lord. I am nothing without You! I'm listening to You. I don't want to ever leave your side.