[In his Care] Chapter 73 ~part 1
Finally an update ^^ I apologize sincerely for the delay. For some reason the words just wouldn't come out, so I took a break from the fic. I've been writing on it for years, so it gets a little tough from time to time. However, I love writing and I will definitely finish this fic. In fact I've been working eagerly on the ending chaps nowadays.
But without further rants, I hope you won't be disappointed with this chap after waiting for so long.
Title: In his Care
Pairings: Akame, TxT, KinKi, TomaPi, RyoUchi, YunJae and more.
Fandoms: JE, wFL, random Jboys, SM and random Kboys...and mentions of dramas and tenimyu.
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Please pay attention to possible spoiler warnings marked at each chap. Overall warnings for non-con, language and violence.
Disclaimer: We do not know any of the guys we write about and we do not own a prison ^^ Only the plot is ours.
Summary: AU. Kame's two years in prison and his life after that. In this chapter the relationship between Jin and Kame proceeds on with slight setbacks but also progress...
[Phase one] Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21
[Phase two] Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37 Chapter 38 Chapter 39 Chapter 40 Chapter 41 Chapter 42 Chapter 43 Chapter 44 Chapter 45 Chapter 46 Chapter 47
[Phase three] Chapter 48 Chapter 49 Chapter 50 Chapter 51 Chapter 52 Chapter 53 Chapter 54 Chapter 55 Chapter 56 Chapter 57 Chapter 58 Chapter 59 Chapter 60 Chapter 61 Chapter 62 Chapter 63 Chapter 64 Chapter 65 Chapter 66 Chapter 67 Chapter 68 Chapter 69 Chapter 70 Chapter 71 Chapter 72
DBSK <3 Always keep the faith!
Chapter 73
What was love?
Kame’s gaze swept over the crowded diner.
By their usual table the News members sat together, sharing a loud conversation while annoying their next table neighbours AT-TUN, who sat by their usual table. Kame had found it quite unexpected that News and AT-TUN would be choosing ‘their’ tables so close to each other. It would never have happened in prison, but since this was a foreign country to them maybe the two gangs silently sought each other’s familiar presence like this.
His gaze stopped momentarily on Toma and Yamapi, sitting side by side. Even when they were talking with other people they seemed to be aware of one another. Without uttering a word Toma could hand Yamapi the soy sauce and Yamapi could pass Toma the salt. Their relationship just seemed to be in every way balanced, like between friends, who know each other so well…only these two were more intimate than that.
His eyes travelled from that side of the diner to the other side that the Korean gangs Super Junior and DBSK had, thankfully, decided to take under them. Kame wasn’t sure the peace could remain in the diner if four gangs sat any closer to each other than they did now.
He watched Super Junior’s infamous mom and dad pair practically feed each other every now and then. As a couple they differed from Toma and Yamapi by seemingly having proceeded a few steps further in their relationship; gotten married and gotten eleven kids.
DBSK’s Yoochun and Junsu on the other hand looked as if they were first at the engagement stage, judging from the very expensive looking rings the pair wore. They must’ve cost a fortune…but then again the rings were most likely stolen. Kame remembered what jewellery they were wearing as a cause of hanging out with Shirota, who liked checking out his competition. The rings were Bvlgari and were meant to be used as engagement rings and judging from the attention those two paid one another, the touches shared, that was exactly what was going on here.
Though Kame thought the gang mates Yunho and JaeJoong might outdo the Yoosu pair in some areas even without such expensive rings. It seemed so natural every time either of the two would reach out for the other while talking with the rest, laying a hand on the other’s shoulder or hand or knee or…
Kame removed his gaze, letting out a small sigh as he stared at the rag in his hands instead.
The way they touched each other…the loving gazes they’d send and receive from one another… Why couldn’t he do that? His grip on the rag tightened. Why did his body have to freeze up when Jin touched him? Had he lost his love for Jin somewhere along the road? Was it too late to get those feelings back? Those very feelings he had tried to fight back, been ashamed of, tried to deny and hid from Jin and everyone else, but that had still gotten a hold on him and brought him something he had never experienced before. He wanted them back. Had the past affected him too much for that to be possible? What did he have to do to be the same as before?
Ever since he had remembered how he had loved Jin he couldn’t stop thinking about ‘what love was’? He had tried to find the answer by looking at other couples, but everyone just seemed to have their own way of being in love.
Slowly he lifted his head again to peek in the direction of the diner where the Japanese gangs sat and this time he rested his gaze on Jin.
Jin laughed, bullied both Maru and Junno while then in return looking offended at something Yamapi just had said, before shooting a witty comeback and going back to laughing again. The leader had that same goofy grin on his face Kame had seen so many times before. Kame smiled as he watched Jin grin, although he had no idea what Jin was babbling about.
That was probably what he had fallen for first about Jin…that aura. Kame had been nervous, no terrified, that first night in prison and anxiously waited to see what kind of a cellmate he would have when Jin had walked into their cell. Jin had been nothing like the type Kame had pictured having to live with. Jin hadn’t looked so scary. In fact Jin had been quite…captivating. Those eyes…the enchanting voice and the way Jin moved his body…
Very unexpectedly to him, Jin had actually gotten him to relax for a while with his laidback attitude. Even though having been in prison for three years before he had come along Jin had still had a sense of humor left, something that allowed others to relax and feel comfortable in the older boy’s company. And after finding out what a powerful man he was dealing with Jin had still from time to time made Kame feel good in his presence. Jin had even made being the prison ruler’s boy toy a somewhat pleasant job for him and not only in a physical way.
Kame snapped his head away as he saw Jin suddenly stand up, almost catching him staring. He could feel the boy’s eyes on him as Jin walked, heading for the door while chatting in his cell phone and disappearing outside.
Kame wondered who had called Jin. Perhaps someone in Japan? Ryo or Shirota?
Kame slightly missed Shirota sometimes, but he wasn’t too crazy about Ryo and his mean tongue so maybe it was a good thing they were here in Korea. He could only imagine the comments Ryo would make about him now…
Kame shook his head, shutting those thoughts out and focusing on what he was doing instead. Having worked here for little over a week now, Kame had come to notice both the good sides and the less good sides about this job. Just like at his previous job some customers still found his backside hard to resist as he either passed by their chairs or bent over the tables to clean them up or set down plates on them, but that all had come to a rather abrupt end when one day a customer had found it to be a good idea to grope him while placing an order. Jin hadn’t agreed with the customer and had almost broken said man’s arm, among other things. Kame hadn’t seen the man since then and no one had touched him inappropriately after that either.
It made his task to learn how to carry things from one place to another a bit easier, as he had dropped enough plates already trying to master the right way of carrying plates.
He hated messing up, feeling extremely embarrassed if he’d drop someone’s food or break things and at one point he had been close to quitting, thinking he couldn’t work here at this rate. The other waiters had laughed off his worries, telling him that they had all gone through the same rough start. They treated him better than he had expected and he felt slightly bad for the reservations he had had towards them at first.
Jin was the hardest one to serve. He didn’t understand why, because shouldn’t he feel more comfortable around Jin than guys he never knew when they’d show certain parts of his body too much attention? Why would his hand feel so unsteady as he brought Jin his food? Why would he have trouble circling the tables in a somewhat graceful matter as Jin’s eyes were on him?
“Your boyfriend’s here.” Hikaru’s voice cut into his thoughts and Kame’s heart made this strange skip of beats as he snapped his head up to gaze at the person who had just stepped into the diner, finding to his confusion not the guy he thought he’d see after an announcement like that.
“That is not my boyfriend!” Kame hissed to the duo consisting of Hikaru and Tsumabuki next to him.
“Really? You two seemed pretty flirty the last time he was here.” Tsumabuki answered and Kame bit back the urge to protest, as Se7en had already reached the counter and stopped right before him with a certain look in his eyes.
“…Coffee?” Kame guessed, making an attempt to extend his Korean vocabulary, and the corner of the man’s mouth quirked up in a smile. Kame poured his customer a mug while shooting anxious looks towards the door.
He hoped Jin would talk for a long time. It was a miracle nothing had happened the last time Se7en had showed up there. Kame had actually gotten the man ushered out of there pretty fast and Jin had never said a word about it. Maybe Jin didn’t think there was anything to talk about and Kame hoped that was the case, because there really wasn’t.
“How about you?” Se7en asked then. “Wanna let someone waiter on you for a change once you finish your shift today?”
He had heard that pickup line before.
“You do know I’m dating, right?” Kame reminded the other man. “Sort of, at least…”
“So I’ve heard.” Se7en said, leaning onto the counter and Kame really wished Se7en would just go away before Jin came in. There was a reason he had poured the coffee into a takeaway mug. “But I’ve also heard that the jealous looking guy from the club that night isn’t satisfying you enough.”
Kame went quite red, searching for words so he could reply to the unexpected statement. That wasn’t what was going on at all! It’d be more like the other way around!
“Rumor has it that you don’t love him.” Se7en added. “Don’t stay with someone half-heartedly.”
Kame didn’t want to do that. He hoped that wasn’t how he was treating Jin. He didn’t mean to…
“That’s not…entirely true.” he replied. “Anyway, I am Jin’s boyfriend and I don’t cheat.”
“Why not?”
Kame was shocked someone could even ask that. “Because it’s selfish and inconsiderate. It’s among the lowest things you can do to your lover…or loved one.”
In their case he was probably closer to ‘loved one’ because he wasn’t quite Jin’s lover right now…
“But what if you would just happen to fall in love with someone more fitting for you?” Se7en pressed on.
“That’s no excuse.” Kame insisted. “No matter how perfect some other person is for you compared to the one you are in a relationship with, you can’t go around hurting people like that. In the very least you should break up with the person you’re with before you jump into bed or anywhere else with someone else. Besides it’s not fair towards the new person either. If you cheat once you can cheat again, right? How can your new lover ever trust you then?”
“You don’t have to tell your boyfriend.” Se7en pushed on further, wanting to test the smaller boy in front of him a bit.
“And lie?” Kame said.
“It’s not lying if you don’t say anything.” Se7en replied.
“It isn’t?” Kame asked, not fully agreeing with the other man’s theory. “Are you not giving a false image of yourself to your partner? It’s not the true you he loves then.”
“Feelings can’t be controlled.”
“I agree.” Kame said. “But actions can.”
To his surprise Se7en suddenly reached a hand over the counter to touch his hair and Kame jumped back a bit.
“Can they?” the man teased and Kame realized what Se7en was after, trying to prove him wrong by showing him that his body sometimes did things on its own.
“That’s a reaction!” Kame insisted. “Should I choose to punch you now it’s an action. Something I deliberately choose to do.”
“I’d like to see you try.” Se7en said tauntingly. “Anyway, I’d like to see even more how you’d react and what you’d choose to do if I’d touch you somewhere much lower than just now…”
Kame wanted to take another step backwards at the way the other one’s gaze travelled down to a certain part of him, making it very clear his hands would take the same route.
“Probably not the way you’d like me to.” Kame managed to reply. “And nothing you’d do would justify me to let it go any further. I wouldn’t be able to stand it if Jin did anything like that behind my back, how can I even think of doing that to him then?”
“Jealousy.”
“What?” Kame asked dumfounded, not really understanding where that had just come from.
“Possessiveness.” Se7en continued with a smirk as taunting as the tone in his voice had been all along.
“What are you talking about?” Kame asked.
“Those two are a few of love’s many dimensions.” Se7en said. “I can’t believe people actually think you don’t love that guy of yours and that they would stand a chance to get into his bed, when it’s obvious he is just as jealous and as possessive of you as you are of him. He’s just more frank about it, making it easy for anyone to see from a mile away that you’re his, while you’re the discreet type.”
Kame couldn’t believe it. This whole rant about being unfaithful had been just a test to see how important Jin was to him? He had gotten quite worried at some point there that Se7en had really wanted him to cheat!
Though he wasn’t too sure now either that wasn’t the case as the dark-haired man leaned closer to him across the counter and saying in a playful voice, “It looks pretty bad for me, doesn’t it? Such a shame, because I think we have such a nice chemistry too, but I guess that’s a given because you’re every player’s dream catch. I bet he loved being the one to reel you in.”
Despite the fact that he hadn’t known it for sure until recently there had been more between him and Jin than just good chemistry. It had been more than a player and a prey, a master and a boy toy…
“Care.” Kame said, realizing he had gotten his answer to the question that had been bugging him for a while now. “To me love is to care. You don’t care about anyone else but yourself if you cheat.”
“Don’t worry, I’m not trying to get into your pants.” Se7en replied.
“I’ve heard that before.” Kame had to point out and the other man chuckled.
“Like from that previous boss of yours?” Se7en asked and that made Kame panic.
“What? How did you know about me and him- Please don’t tell anyone about that!” he begged. How many others knew? Did Jin know?
“Relax, I won’t.” the man promised, sipping casually on his coffee. “I don’t visit that club a lot, but I happened to see you there a few weeks ago. By the looks of it you had just started out. I wondered if you knew what you were getting yourself into. I’m glad you quit.”
“You…were there?” Kame asked.
“I seem to run into you quite frequently, don’t I?” Se7en smiled behind his takeaway mug. “I don’t usually dine here either, as it is in the opposite direction of my place, but since you’re working here now I might change my mind about that. Then again I don’t think your ‘loved one’ would appreciate that.”
No, Jin most likely wouldn’t.
Se7en set the empty mug down onto the counter. “Thanks for the coffee. I’ll see you around.”
Kame just stared after the man, holding his breath as he saw Jin entering the diner at the moment Se7en exited it. For a second there Kame thought the two men would do more than just pass each other by, as Jin’s eyes lingered on Se7en, but both stepped aside, avoiding colliding into one another and continued on their ways. Se7en disappeared from his sight while Jin stopped by the counter.
“Coffee?” the gang leader asked with a smile playing on his lips.
“I-I’ll get you that.” Kame replied, hurrying to pull himself together again and he felt Jin watch him as he turned around to fetch the coffee. “Are you drinking it here?”
“You bet.” Jin replied and Kame placed a hot cup down in front of him. “Thanks.” the older boy said, seating himself on one of the bar chairs by the counter. Kame decided to concentrate on wiping the already clean counter to avoid having to look Jin in the eyes right now. “So…coffee today?”
That made Kame shoot the older boy and his cup a confused look. Jin still had plenty of coffee left. “You want a fill up?”
“No, I meant I’d like some this afternoon…” Jin specified and Kame had to frown at the unique order. “When you get off from work…with you.”
Realization dawned upon him and he hesitated just long enough to answer that Jin hurried to continue before he had the chance to say anything.
“Or tea?” Jin tried. “Ice tea? Juice? Soda?”
“Uh, anything would be fine.” Kame cut in before Jin could ramble through the whole menu of drinks.
“Great.” Jin practically sing-songed. “I’ll come back here in a few hours then.”
Kame nodded, watching Jin empty his cup before placing it down on the counter, wishing him a good rest of the day at work before taking off.
Jin had preferred to stay, but he wanted to give Kame a few hours to miss him. Yamapi had said that would work and that Jin was in Kame’s face all the time. Jin had been convinced Yamapi had been mocking him, but at the same time he knew his best friend had a point. When he had stayed out of Kame’s sight for weeks the smaller boy had come to miss him so much Kame had flung his arms around him and agreed to go out on dates with him.
Jin really wanted something like that to happen again and now he had a few hours time to go and find some places inside these blocks that could be considered good destinations for dates. He’d give Kame another point of view on their blocks!
~*~*~*~
The hours went by quite fast, as there was never a boring moment in that diner and soon Kame found himself standing outside waiting for Jin to show up.
He felt kind of nervous as he stood there, trying to convince himself he was getting shivers like this because of the cold weather. Why hadn’t he brought any gloves, he lectured himself and fixed his scarf around him.
Luckily he didn’t have to stand there and be nervous, or freeze, for long as Jin soon showed up. It was really shocking how Jin was on time when Kame always expected Jin to be at least an hour late like the gangs had continuously mocked Jin about, saying it was one of the leader’s many bad habits.
“Hey again.” Jin greeted him as he stopped a small distance in front of him.
Kame’s eyes lingered on the older boy’s face a bit longer than usually before he replied, “Hey again.”
“Did you have a good day?” Jin asked.
“Yes, it was good.” Kame replied, only half focusing on answering as the other half of him was trying its hardest to see whether or not he still saw Jin differently now. “How about you?”
Did he get these goose bumps because of the smile that spread over Jin’s lips? Had he always used to react like this?
“It was fine.” Jin said and Kame forgot about replying as he was still so occupied with staring at Jin.
Do I love you?
He tried to search Jin’s eyes, but as usually they were quite unreadable to him.
How can someone not know if they love someone else? How can one doubt that? Was Yamapi really right about the fact that since he could doubt his feelings towards Jin he hadn’t just made them up? Was Se7en right about him being obvious about how he felt for Jin? Could everyone else see how he felt except for himself?
Kame swallowed, suddenly not thinking it was a good idea to stare into Jin’s eyes like that.
Could Jin see him through?
“I found a park in these blocks.” Jin said then, as he had been quiet. “It’s not as nice as the one we went to outside these blocks, but it’s okay.”
Kame had to smile at the idea and agreed to go there, but during their way over there he couldn’t stop shooting the older boy glances.
The park was unexpectedly clean and unlike what Kame had pictured it to be since it was located here. He’d be pretty worried to go into a park in these blocks alone, but with a gang leader by his side he could relax. They took a walk through it once before sitting down by a small frozen pond.
“It’s nothing big or fancy, but it doesn’t totally suck.” Jin commented, as he relaxed where he sat next to Kame. “Plus there is a not so terrible looking café just outside the park.”
“I think it’s quite beautiful.” Kame replied and Jin’s smile widened at that, as if Jin was really relieved that was the case. Seeing Jin smile would eventually cause him to smile too without a reason whatsoever, which probably didn’t make any sense and that’s why he felt so silly whenever it happened.
His smile died a bit as he removed his gaze from Jin’s. He wondered if it was all right to just spend time like this and not talk about the things they probably should, but bringing such a difficult subject up as their past would only ruin a date. Maybe he could just enjoy these moments even if he was a bit unsettled around Jin and his belly was filled with butterflies.
The smile returned to his face, as he had to wonder if they could be classified as a couple and what kind of a couple would they be then. Would they be more like Toma and Yamapi or one of the Korean couples?
Maybe like neither as by the simple touch of Jin’s hand on his, their skins against each other, made him reflexively draw his hand back from where it had been resting unknowingly between them. Once he realized what he had done it was already too late. His rejection had made Jin pause with his hand still between their bodies and without saying a word Jin also pulled his hand back as the older boy understood what had made him react like that.
A heavy silence fell over them as neither knew what to say and Kame tried his best to think of something that could erase what had happened from their memories and lighten the atmosphere, but nothing came to mind.
“So I was just thinking…would you like that coffee now?” Jin asked, beating him to it and the older boy finally looked at him again.
Kame nodded furiously, concentrating on not removing his eyes from Jin’s and trying to appear calmer than what he was, as if nothing was wrong. “S-sure. Sounds delicious.”
Jin rose to his feet. “It’s so nice out here, so I’ll go buy us some takeaway. Wait here, I’ll be right back.”
The older boy left quickly and Kame sighed, leaning backwards defeated.
Great. Now he had managed to chase Jin away. He had totally ruined the mood, but maybe that was for the best. He might never get over this and Jin doesn’t deserve being treated like this by him, always waiting patiently even though he may never be able to be close to Jin anymore…
He had just gone along on these dates without considering so much what he was doing. He had just wanted Jin’s company. Would he start despising Jin’s presence if they got any closer than this?
He raised his hand in front of him, studying the naked pinky. His hand was cold, Jin’s had been warmer, as Jin had taken off his glove to hold his hand, but failed to. Jin was the warmer one of them now, while he was buried under snow unable to feel a thing.
Except for shivers…and goose bumps…and occasional skips of his heart and flushes on his face…
He raised his cold hand to his face, trailing fingers over his cheeks. Was he melting? Why did his face feel like it was heating up under his touch while he remembered how close it had been that Jin would be holding this hand now if he hadn’t pulled it away?
A month ago Kame would’ve claimed he couldn’t feel anything. Once finally having calmed down from his panic attacks he had come to wonder what there was left of him. He had tried to open his mind and let people in a bit, but he couldn’t claim he completely had yet. It frustrated him that emotions he knew he had had weren’t there anymore, or so it seemed to him even though others told him differently. Was he still too frozen to know when something touched him and affected him?
He lowered his hand into his lap, trying to heat it up with his other, but both were equally cold so it wasn’t working.
Could Jin warm him up? Would Jin eventually succeed to bring out the old him and make him feel alive again? He had liked the person he had been in prison a lot more than the person he had turned into now.
He hoped Yamapi and Se7en were right…
“You look hot.”
Kame startled, wondering how long he had spaced out as Jin was already back with two steaming cups. Jin looked at him quite curiously.
“Your cheeks are all red. You’re not cold out here then?”
Kame brought his hand back to his face, feeling indeed how hot his skin was. Hotter than before.
“A-apparently not.” he stammered, reaching out for one of the coffees Jin held. “Thank you.”
Jin’s hand stayed motionless as he took the paper cup, in the process laying his fingers momentarily over Jin’s clothed ones. The older boy sat down next to him at a small distance, probably still cautious about being close to him. Kame felt stupid. Jin probably thought he had been too friendly with him. Such silly things as innocent touches shouldn’t scare him.
Would it look weird if he shifted position to sit closer to Jin? How was he going to fix things now to the way they were just a while ago?
Kame laid his hand to rest in between their bodies, back to the way it had been when Jin had tried to take it the first time, but now Jin wasn’t. Jin pretended not to notice it, probably not wanting to risk having him flinch away a second time.
They enjoyed their coffees together, but the atmosphere still felt heavy and they had problems thinking of things to say. In the end they sat there for a little while longer before getting up to continue walking mostly in silence.
Maybe one of these days Jin would realize what a hopeless task it was to get to him, how they didn’t fit together and would eventually stop asking him out on dates. For some reason that thought made Kame want to try harder to save whatever could be saved of this date and he walked slightly closer to Jin, as close as he dared so that their hands almost brushed against each other.
This apparently wasn’t a clear enough sign for Jin to try again to reach out for him or then Jin just chose to continue to ignore his efforts, wanting to end this date as soon as possible.
“You’re probably tired after having been working since the early hours.” Jin said. “So I can just walk you back to the apartment, if you-”
Kame didn’t like where this was going. Fears that his earlier prediction might come true made him blurt out something before he even could process it in his head, “Let’s hold hands.”
Jin stopped, almost stumbled, and shot him a bewildered look. “HA?!”
Needless to say the older boy was as surprised as he was by the request, especially after his previous reaction. He rarely saw Jin stand there with his mouth hanging open. What was he supposed to say now? That it had just been a joke?
“I-It’s quite cold and I haven’t gotten any gloves so…” he tried to laugh it off and skipped on ahead as unbothered as he could, painfully aware of the fact that he was probably not very convincing. He didn’t make it far until Jin had reached his side and the next thing he knew the warm hand embraced his successfully in a light grip. Silently Jin passed the other glove over to him and he put it on his free hand while their grip grew a bit firmer.
The ring on Jin’s finger, slightly cold because of the weather, brushed against his skin, making him feel naked without his own ring on. The jewellery in question had previously been suffocating him, but now when he wasn’t wearing it he was beginning to feel as if a part of him was missing.
“S-so what else is there to do in blocks like these?” Kame said then, making an attempt to prolong the journey, and their date, that would eventually lead to their front door. “Besides for visiting bathhouses and clubs…”
“Not much.” Jin answered honestly and Kame had to laugh. “It doesn’t take that many dates to cover most of it.”
Kame tried to think of things they could do, as he was just as clueless, if not even more so, about what people did on dates. “Movie?” he suggested.
“Ah! We do have a theatre!” Jin shone up. “This way!”
It was an abandoned little thing just barely inside the borders and it was first after having bought the tickets to whatever would be shown first that they remembered the movie would be in Korean. They hardly understood a thing except for that it was some historical drama about two court clowns. One of them was really beautiful with long dark hair and the king seemed to favor him over the queen.
There wasn’t anyone else inside the whole theatre, allowing them to talk as much as they wanted during the movie and laugh together at their own jokes or ideas of what might be happening. He had forgotten how much fun he could have with Jin. Kame wasn’t sure when this language barrier had ceased to feel like a burden and the Korean language had actually started to sound quite unique in his ears. He definitely got a taste for it during those few hours they sat there in the old, but still soft chairs, sometimes holding hands and other times Jin would throw an arm over his shoulders. Had there been anyone else there in that person’s eyes they would definitely have looked like a real couple, Kame thought.
After a few good hours of language immersion they exited the theatre, thanking the owner in Korean. Kame still had so much to learn even though he had grown used to saying a phrase or two at work to his Korean customers.
The grip of their hands combined was stronger than before and it wasn’t until halfway back to their apartments that the comfortable feeling Kame had been experiencing was suddenly replaced by nervousness again.
Nothing had happened the previous dates they had gone back to their door and it meant that something probably soon would. Jin wasn’t the type to keep jumping on the brakes and today he had given Jin reason to think he wanted something physical between them, which he sort of did…as long as it didn’t become too physical.
He was quite afraid to meet Jin’s gaze as they stopped by their front door that evening.
“Today was fun.” Jin smiled at him and he tried to smile back, not wanting the older boy to think he hadn’t enjoyed himself because he was nervous now. “Don’t know how to top that since we already did practically everything sophisticated there is to do here.”
“Then maybe you should introduce me to your lifestyle a bit more.” Kame said and Jin didn’t respond at first, eyeing him for a while and for once Kame could guess what the older boy was thinking. Jin knew he didn’t fit in here and that he didn’t agree on some of the things the gangsters did, but maybe there was still something appealing about Jin’s world he had yet to see or seen but never appreciated before.
“Trust me, you don’t want that.” Jin chuckled, obviously letting him off the hook instead of allowing him to agree to something he didn’t know he could handle, but this time Kame wasn’t going to just run away. If he was to live in these kinds of blocks for the rest of his life, then he needed to learn how to fit in. He could change. He could do his best to become someone a bit more like the gangsters. If he could understand the way the gangsters thought and he could try to start thinking like them.
“But your lifestyle is mine now too, right? I want to know more about it.” he insisted. He wanted to know Jin more than anything, besides didn’t people who dated each other do just that on their dates? Wasn’t that the whole point? “I want to give it a chance.”
The smile slowly returned to Jin’s face. “You’re right. I’ll show you how gangsters do it.”
Kame nodded gratefully and a small silence fell over them, but a clearly more comfortable one this time. Jin made no attempts to make conversation and knowing Jin didn’t want to talk made him just stand there quietly too, watching the older boy take one step closer. He drew in for air as he could see Jin’s intentions in the boy’s eyes already before Jin stopped in front of him. He knew that look, so he didn’t dodge away even though Jin gave him plenty of opportunities to do it before the older boy lowered his head towards his. He just stood there frozen against the door, as Jin shut the distance between them and their eye-contact broke. His eyes fluttered shut and Kame forgot about breathing as lips softly touched his. He couldn’t form a coherent thought in his head right now. All he knew was how familiar, yet how new this felt, and no matter how simple Jin’s kiss was, just lips on lips, emotions were overflowing onto him and he was reminded once more of everything Jin wanted from him.
Jin released his lips after what felt like an eternity, but the boy didn’t pull immediately apart and he felt Jin’s breath against his warm face. One question kept going around in his head; was he feeling this hot because he knew how Jin felt for him or because he felt the same for Jin back?
“Night, Kazu-chan.” Jin said, finally taking a step backwards to give Kame room to go inside. “You should probably go in.”
Yet he wasn’t moving. He was rooted to the spot.
“Unless…you don’t want to do that?” Jin said, eyeing him curiously and Kame finally managed to get a grip over himself.
On shaky legs and with a faltering, ridiculous smile he babbled out, “R-right, of course. Good night.”
He turned the key in the lock and kicked the door open, being halfway inside the apartment as he remembered, “Oh, and here’s your glove.”
He stuffed the glove into Jin’s hands without looking the other one in the eyes and a ‘good night’ later he had shut the door behind him, allowing himself to sink down it until he was sitting on the floor.
Why couldn’t he ever behave normally?
He breathed in and out heavily a few times, managing to calm the rapid beating of his heart.
Even though he had probably made a fool out of himself in front of Jin again, at least it was a nice change to lose control of himself like this. For once fear wasn’t what had taken over him. It was something totally else.
He hoped Jin hadn’t taken that all, him shutting the door in front of the leader’s nose, as a rejection and that Jin had really meant for him to go in alone and get some rest, because he had needed to get away. That intensive kiss had reminded him once more of the fact that Jin was holding back with him. Jin yearned for more, but he couldn’t give that, at least not yet. He wasn’t even sure whether his heart was beating so fast because of their kiss or because of the way Jin had kissed him. Could he handle Jin’s feelings right? Could he return them the way he should? He hadn’t even invited Jin in and this was already the third date, if that time on the rooftop counted as one, that is. In prison Jin had been accustomed to getting laid in the very least at the second night. Though Kame guessed the circumstances had been a bit different then and he reminded himself that even if he had been able to do that with Jin, sleeping together on the first date would have made him look easy and if this was the second official one then not all was lost yet…
He sighed, rubbing his temples. He shouldn’t be thinking like that, but with Jin’s kiss still fresh on his lips he found it hard to think rationally.
Was it all right for him to date Jin the way he was now? He didn’t know, but what he was sure of was that he cared about Jin. There was no question about it.
~*~*~*~
next part
But without further rants, I hope you won't be disappointed with this chap after waiting for so long.
Title: In his Care
Pairings: Akame, TxT, KinKi, TomaPi, RyoUchi, YunJae and more.
Fandoms: JE, wFL, random Jboys, SM and random Kboys...and mentions of dramas and tenimyu.
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Please pay attention to possible spoiler warnings marked at each chap. Overall warnings for non-con, language and violence.
Disclaimer: We do not know any of the guys we write about and we do not own a prison ^^ Only the plot is ours.
Summary: AU. Kame's two years in prison and his life after that. In this chapter the relationship between Jin and Kame proceeds on with slight setbacks but also progress...
[Phase one] Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21
[Phase two] Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37 Chapter 38 Chapter 39 Chapter 40 Chapter 41 Chapter 42 Chapter 43 Chapter 44 Chapter 45 Chapter 46 Chapter 47
[Phase three] Chapter 48 Chapter 49 Chapter 50 Chapter 51 Chapter 52 Chapter 53 Chapter 54 Chapter 55 Chapter 56 Chapter 57 Chapter 58 Chapter 59 Chapter 60 Chapter 61 Chapter 62 Chapter 63 Chapter 64 Chapter 65 Chapter 66 Chapter 67 Chapter 68 Chapter 69 Chapter 70 Chapter 71 Chapter 72
DBSK <3 Always keep the faith!
Chapter 73
What was love?
Kame’s gaze swept over the crowded diner.
By their usual table the News members sat together, sharing a loud conversation while annoying their next table neighbours AT-TUN, who sat by their usual table. Kame had found it quite unexpected that News and AT-TUN would be choosing ‘their’ tables so close to each other. It would never have happened in prison, but since this was a foreign country to them maybe the two gangs silently sought each other’s familiar presence like this.
His gaze stopped momentarily on Toma and Yamapi, sitting side by side. Even when they were talking with other people they seemed to be aware of one another. Without uttering a word Toma could hand Yamapi the soy sauce and Yamapi could pass Toma the salt. Their relationship just seemed to be in every way balanced, like between friends, who know each other so well…only these two were more intimate than that.
His eyes travelled from that side of the diner to the other side that the Korean gangs Super Junior and DBSK had, thankfully, decided to take under them. Kame wasn’t sure the peace could remain in the diner if four gangs sat any closer to each other than they did now.
He watched Super Junior’s infamous mom and dad pair practically feed each other every now and then. As a couple they differed from Toma and Yamapi by seemingly having proceeded a few steps further in their relationship; gotten married and gotten eleven kids.
DBSK’s Yoochun and Junsu on the other hand looked as if they were first at the engagement stage, judging from the very expensive looking rings the pair wore. They must’ve cost a fortune…but then again the rings were most likely stolen. Kame remembered what jewellery they were wearing as a cause of hanging out with Shirota, who liked checking out his competition. The rings were Bvlgari and were meant to be used as engagement rings and judging from the attention those two paid one another, the touches shared, that was exactly what was going on here.
Though Kame thought the gang mates Yunho and JaeJoong might outdo the Yoosu pair in some areas even without such expensive rings. It seemed so natural every time either of the two would reach out for the other while talking with the rest, laying a hand on the other’s shoulder or hand or knee or…
Kame removed his gaze, letting out a small sigh as he stared at the rag in his hands instead.
The way they touched each other…the loving gazes they’d send and receive from one another… Why couldn’t he do that? His grip on the rag tightened. Why did his body have to freeze up when Jin touched him? Had he lost his love for Jin somewhere along the road? Was it too late to get those feelings back? Those very feelings he had tried to fight back, been ashamed of, tried to deny and hid from Jin and everyone else, but that had still gotten a hold on him and brought him something he had never experienced before. He wanted them back. Had the past affected him too much for that to be possible? What did he have to do to be the same as before?
Ever since he had remembered how he had loved Jin he couldn’t stop thinking about ‘what love was’? He had tried to find the answer by looking at other couples, but everyone just seemed to have their own way of being in love.
Slowly he lifted his head again to peek in the direction of the diner where the Japanese gangs sat and this time he rested his gaze on Jin.
Jin laughed, bullied both Maru and Junno while then in return looking offended at something Yamapi just had said, before shooting a witty comeback and going back to laughing again. The leader had that same goofy grin on his face Kame had seen so many times before. Kame smiled as he watched Jin grin, although he had no idea what Jin was babbling about.
That was probably what he had fallen for first about Jin…that aura. Kame had been nervous, no terrified, that first night in prison and anxiously waited to see what kind of a cellmate he would have when Jin had walked into their cell. Jin had been nothing like the type Kame had pictured having to live with. Jin hadn’t looked so scary. In fact Jin had been quite…captivating. Those eyes…the enchanting voice and the way Jin moved his body…
Very unexpectedly to him, Jin had actually gotten him to relax for a while with his laidback attitude. Even though having been in prison for three years before he had come along Jin had still had a sense of humor left, something that allowed others to relax and feel comfortable in the older boy’s company. And after finding out what a powerful man he was dealing with Jin had still from time to time made Kame feel good in his presence. Jin had even made being the prison ruler’s boy toy a somewhat pleasant job for him and not only in a physical way.
Kame snapped his head away as he saw Jin suddenly stand up, almost catching him staring. He could feel the boy’s eyes on him as Jin walked, heading for the door while chatting in his cell phone and disappearing outside.
Kame wondered who had called Jin. Perhaps someone in Japan? Ryo or Shirota?
Kame slightly missed Shirota sometimes, but he wasn’t too crazy about Ryo and his mean tongue so maybe it was a good thing they were here in Korea. He could only imagine the comments Ryo would make about him now…
Kame shook his head, shutting those thoughts out and focusing on what he was doing instead. Having worked here for little over a week now, Kame had come to notice both the good sides and the less good sides about this job. Just like at his previous job some customers still found his backside hard to resist as he either passed by their chairs or bent over the tables to clean them up or set down plates on them, but that all had come to a rather abrupt end when one day a customer had found it to be a good idea to grope him while placing an order. Jin hadn’t agreed with the customer and had almost broken said man’s arm, among other things. Kame hadn’t seen the man since then and no one had touched him inappropriately after that either.
It made his task to learn how to carry things from one place to another a bit easier, as he had dropped enough plates already trying to master the right way of carrying plates.
He hated messing up, feeling extremely embarrassed if he’d drop someone’s food or break things and at one point he had been close to quitting, thinking he couldn’t work here at this rate. The other waiters had laughed off his worries, telling him that they had all gone through the same rough start. They treated him better than he had expected and he felt slightly bad for the reservations he had had towards them at first.
Jin was the hardest one to serve. He didn’t understand why, because shouldn’t he feel more comfortable around Jin than guys he never knew when they’d show certain parts of his body too much attention? Why would his hand feel so unsteady as he brought Jin his food? Why would he have trouble circling the tables in a somewhat graceful matter as Jin’s eyes were on him?
“Your boyfriend’s here.” Hikaru’s voice cut into his thoughts and Kame’s heart made this strange skip of beats as he snapped his head up to gaze at the person who had just stepped into the diner, finding to his confusion not the guy he thought he’d see after an announcement like that.
“That is not my boyfriend!” Kame hissed to the duo consisting of Hikaru and Tsumabuki next to him.
“Really? You two seemed pretty flirty the last time he was here.” Tsumabuki answered and Kame bit back the urge to protest, as Se7en had already reached the counter and stopped right before him with a certain look in his eyes.
“…Coffee?” Kame guessed, making an attempt to extend his Korean vocabulary, and the corner of the man’s mouth quirked up in a smile. Kame poured his customer a mug while shooting anxious looks towards the door.
He hoped Jin would talk for a long time. It was a miracle nothing had happened the last time Se7en had showed up there. Kame had actually gotten the man ushered out of there pretty fast and Jin had never said a word about it. Maybe Jin didn’t think there was anything to talk about and Kame hoped that was the case, because there really wasn’t.
“How about you?” Se7en asked then. “Wanna let someone waiter on you for a change once you finish your shift today?”
He had heard that pickup line before.
“You do know I’m dating, right?” Kame reminded the other man. “Sort of, at least…”
“So I’ve heard.” Se7en said, leaning onto the counter and Kame really wished Se7en would just go away before Jin came in. There was a reason he had poured the coffee into a takeaway mug. “But I’ve also heard that the jealous looking guy from the club that night isn’t satisfying you enough.”
Kame went quite red, searching for words so he could reply to the unexpected statement. That wasn’t what was going on at all! It’d be more like the other way around!
“Rumor has it that you don’t love him.” Se7en added. “Don’t stay with someone half-heartedly.”
Kame didn’t want to do that. He hoped that wasn’t how he was treating Jin. He didn’t mean to…
“That’s not…entirely true.” he replied. “Anyway, I am Jin’s boyfriend and I don’t cheat.”
“Why not?”
Kame was shocked someone could even ask that. “Because it’s selfish and inconsiderate. It’s among the lowest things you can do to your lover…or loved one.”
In their case he was probably closer to ‘loved one’ because he wasn’t quite Jin’s lover right now…
“But what if you would just happen to fall in love with someone more fitting for you?” Se7en pressed on.
“That’s no excuse.” Kame insisted. “No matter how perfect some other person is for you compared to the one you are in a relationship with, you can’t go around hurting people like that. In the very least you should break up with the person you’re with before you jump into bed or anywhere else with someone else. Besides it’s not fair towards the new person either. If you cheat once you can cheat again, right? How can your new lover ever trust you then?”
“You don’t have to tell your boyfriend.” Se7en pushed on further, wanting to test the smaller boy in front of him a bit.
“And lie?” Kame said.
“It’s not lying if you don’t say anything.” Se7en replied.
“It isn’t?” Kame asked, not fully agreeing with the other man’s theory. “Are you not giving a false image of yourself to your partner? It’s not the true you he loves then.”
“Feelings can’t be controlled.”
“I agree.” Kame said. “But actions can.”
To his surprise Se7en suddenly reached a hand over the counter to touch his hair and Kame jumped back a bit.
“Can they?” the man teased and Kame realized what Se7en was after, trying to prove him wrong by showing him that his body sometimes did things on its own.
“That’s a reaction!” Kame insisted. “Should I choose to punch you now it’s an action. Something I deliberately choose to do.”
“I’d like to see you try.” Se7en said tauntingly. “Anyway, I’d like to see even more how you’d react and what you’d choose to do if I’d touch you somewhere much lower than just now…”
Kame wanted to take another step backwards at the way the other one’s gaze travelled down to a certain part of him, making it very clear his hands would take the same route.
“Probably not the way you’d like me to.” Kame managed to reply. “And nothing you’d do would justify me to let it go any further. I wouldn’t be able to stand it if Jin did anything like that behind my back, how can I even think of doing that to him then?”
“Jealousy.”
“What?” Kame asked dumfounded, not really understanding where that had just come from.
“Possessiveness.” Se7en continued with a smirk as taunting as the tone in his voice had been all along.
“What are you talking about?” Kame asked.
“Those two are a few of love’s many dimensions.” Se7en said. “I can’t believe people actually think you don’t love that guy of yours and that they would stand a chance to get into his bed, when it’s obvious he is just as jealous and as possessive of you as you are of him. He’s just more frank about it, making it easy for anyone to see from a mile away that you’re his, while you’re the discreet type.”
Kame couldn’t believe it. This whole rant about being unfaithful had been just a test to see how important Jin was to him? He had gotten quite worried at some point there that Se7en had really wanted him to cheat!
Though he wasn’t too sure now either that wasn’t the case as the dark-haired man leaned closer to him across the counter and saying in a playful voice, “It looks pretty bad for me, doesn’t it? Such a shame, because I think we have such a nice chemistry too, but I guess that’s a given because you’re every player’s dream catch. I bet he loved being the one to reel you in.”
Despite the fact that he hadn’t known it for sure until recently there had been more between him and Jin than just good chemistry. It had been more than a player and a prey, a master and a boy toy…
“Care.” Kame said, realizing he had gotten his answer to the question that had been bugging him for a while now. “To me love is to care. You don’t care about anyone else but yourself if you cheat.”
“Don’t worry, I’m not trying to get into your pants.” Se7en replied.
“I’ve heard that before.” Kame had to point out and the other man chuckled.
“Like from that previous boss of yours?” Se7en asked and that made Kame panic.
“What? How did you know about me and him- Please don’t tell anyone about that!” he begged. How many others knew? Did Jin know?
“Relax, I won’t.” the man promised, sipping casually on his coffee. “I don’t visit that club a lot, but I happened to see you there a few weeks ago. By the looks of it you had just started out. I wondered if you knew what you were getting yourself into. I’m glad you quit.”
“You…were there?” Kame asked.
“I seem to run into you quite frequently, don’t I?” Se7en smiled behind his takeaway mug. “I don’t usually dine here either, as it is in the opposite direction of my place, but since you’re working here now I might change my mind about that. Then again I don’t think your ‘loved one’ would appreciate that.”
No, Jin most likely wouldn’t.
Se7en set the empty mug down onto the counter. “Thanks for the coffee. I’ll see you around.”
Kame just stared after the man, holding his breath as he saw Jin entering the diner at the moment Se7en exited it. For a second there Kame thought the two men would do more than just pass each other by, as Jin’s eyes lingered on Se7en, but both stepped aside, avoiding colliding into one another and continued on their ways. Se7en disappeared from his sight while Jin stopped by the counter.
“Coffee?” the gang leader asked with a smile playing on his lips.
“I-I’ll get you that.” Kame replied, hurrying to pull himself together again and he felt Jin watch him as he turned around to fetch the coffee. “Are you drinking it here?”
“You bet.” Jin replied and Kame placed a hot cup down in front of him. “Thanks.” the older boy said, seating himself on one of the bar chairs by the counter. Kame decided to concentrate on wiping the already clean counter to avoid having to look Jin in the eyes right now. “So…coffee today?”
That made Kame shoot the older boy and his cup a confused look. Jin still had plenty of coffee left. “You want a fill up?”
“No, I meant I’d like some this afternoon…” Jin specified and Kame had to frown at the unique order. “When you get off from work…with you.”
Realization dawned upon him and he hesitated just long enough to answer that Jin hurried to continue before he had the chance to say anything.
“Or tea?” Jin tried. “Ice tea? Juice? Soda?”
“Uh, anything would be fine.” Kame cut in before Jin could ramble through the whole menu of drinks.
“Great.” Jin practically sing-songed. “I’ll come back here in a few hours then.”
Kame nodded, watching Jin empty his cup before placing it down on the counter, wishing him a good rest of the day at work before taking off.
Jin had preferred to stay, but he wanted to give Kame a few hours to miss him. Yamapi had said that would work and that Jin was in Kame’s face all the time. Jin had been convinced Yamapi had been mocking him, but at the same time he knew his best friend had a point. When he had stayed out of Kame’s sight for weeks the smaller boy had come to miss him so much Kame had flung his arms around him and agreed to go out on dates with him.
Jin really wanted something like that to happen again and now he had a few hours time to go and find some places inside these blocks that could be considered good destinations for dates. He’d give Kame another point of view on their blocks!
~*~*~*~
The hours went by quite fast, as there was never a boring moment in that diner and soon Kame found himself standing outside waiting for Jin to show up.
He felt kind of nervous as he stood there, trying to convince himself he was getting shivers like this because of the cold weather. Why hadn’t he brought any gloves, he lectured himself and fixed his scarf around him.
Luckily he didn’t have to stand there and be nervous, or freeze, for long as Jin soon showed up. It was really shocking how Jin was on time when Kame always expected Jin to be at least an hour late like the gangs had continuously mocked Jin about, saying it was one of the leader’s many bad habits.
“Hey again.” Jin greeted him as he stopped a small distance in front of him.
Kame’s eyes lingered on the older boy’s face a bit longer than usually before he replied, “Hey again.”
“Did you have a good day?” Jin asked.
“Yes, it was good.” Kame replied, only half focusing on answering as the other half of him was trying its hardest to see whether or not he still saw Jin differently now. “How about you?”
Did he get these goose bumps because of the smile that spread over Jin’s lips? Had he always used to react like this?
“It was fine.” Jin said and Kame forgot about replying as he was still so occupied with staring at Jin.
Do I love you?
He tried to search Jin’s eyes, but as usually they were quite unreadable to him.
How can someone not know if they love someone else? How can one doubt that? Was Yamapi really right about the fact that since he could doubt his feelings towards Jin he hadn’t just made them up? Was Se7en right about him being obvious about how he felt for Jin? Could everyone else see how he felt except for himself?
Kame swallowed, suddenly not thinking it was a good idea to stare into Jin’s eyes like that.
Could Jin see him through?
“I found a park in these blocks.” Jin said then, as he had been quiet. “It’s not as nice as the one we went to outside these blocks, but it’s okay.”
Kame had to smile at the idea and agreed to go there, but during their way over there he couldn’t stop shooting the older boy glances.
The park was unexpectedly clean and unlike what Kame had pictured it to be since it was located here. He’d be pretty worried to go into a park in these blocks alone, but with a gang leader by his side he could relax. They took a walk through it once before sitting down by a small frozen pond.
“It’s nothing big or fancy, but it doesn’t totally suck.” Jin commented, as he relaxed where he sat next to Kame. “Plus there is a not so terrible looking café just outside the park.”
“I think it’s quite beautiful.” Kame replied and Jin’s smile widened at that, as if Jin was really relieved that was the case. Seeing Jin smile would eventually cause him to smile too without a reason whatsoever, which probably didn’t make any sense and that’s why he felt so silly whenever it happened.
His smile died a bit as he removed his gaze from Jin’s. He wondered if it was all right to just spend time like this and not talk about the things they probably should, but bringing such a difficult subject up as their past would only ruin a date. Maybe he could just enjoy these moments even if he was a bit unsettled around Jin and his belly was filled with butterflies.
The smile returned to his face, as he had to wonder if they could be classified as a couple and what kind of a couple would they be then. Would they be more like Toma and Yamapi or one of the Korean couples?
Maybe like neither as by the simple touch of Jin’s hand on his, their skins against each other, made him reflexively draw his hand back from where it had been resting unknowingly between them. Once he realized what he had done it was already too late. His rejection had made Jin pause with his hand still between their bodies and without saying a word Jin also pulled his hand back as the older boy understood what had made him react like that.
A heavy silence fell over them as neither knew what to say and Kame tried his best to think of something that could erase what had happened from their memories and lighten the atmosphere, but nothing came to mind.
“So I was just thinking…would you like that coffee now?” Jin asked, beating him to it and the older boy finally looked at him again.
Kame nodded furiously, concentrating on not removing his eyes from Jin’s and trying to appear calmer than what he was, as if nothing was wrong. “S-sure. Sounds delicious.”
Jin rose to his feet. “It’s so nice out here, so I’ll go buy us some takeaway. Wait here, I’ll be right back.”
The older boy left quickly and Kame sighed, leaning backwards defeated.
Great. Now he had managed to chase Jin away. He had totally ruined the mood, but maybe that was for the best. He might never get over this and Jin doesn’t deserve being treated like this by him, always waiting patiently even though he may never be able to be close to Jin anymore…
He had just gone along on these dates without considering so much what he was doing. He had just wanted Jin’s company. Would he start despising Jin’s presence if they got any closer than this?
He raised his hand in front of him, studying the naked pinky. His hand was cold, Jin’s had been warmer, as Jin had taken off his glove to hold his hand, but failed to. Jin was the warmer one of them now, while he was buried under snow unable to feel a thing.
Except for shivers…and goose bumps…and occasional skips of his heart and flushes on his face…
He raised his cold hand to his face, trailing fingers over his cheeks. Was he melting? Why did his face feel like it was heating up under his touch while he remembered how close it had been that Jin would be holding this hand now if he hadn’t pulled it away?
A month ago Kame would’ve claimed he couldn’t feel anything. Once finally having calmed down from his panic attacks he had come to wonder what there was left of him. He had tried to open his mind and let people in a bit, but he couldn’t claim he completely had yet. It frustrated him that emotions he knew he had had weren’t there anymore, or so it seemed to him even though others told him differently. Was he still too frozen to know when something touched him and affected him?
He lowered his hand into his lap, trying to heat it up with his other, but both were equally cold so it wasn’t working.
Could Jin warm him up? Would Jin eventually succeed to bring out the old him and make him feel alive again? He had liked the person he had been in prison a lot more than the person he had turned into now.
He hoped Yamapi and Se7en were right…
“You look hot.”
Kame startled, wondering how long he had spaced out as Jin was already back with two steaming cups. Jin looked at him quite curiously.
“Your cheeks are all red. You’re not cold out here then?”
Kame brought his hand back to his face, feeling indeed how hot his skin was. Hotter than before.
“A-apparently not.” he stammered, reaching out for one of the coffees Jin held. “Thank you.”
Jin’s hand stayed motionless as he took the paper cup, in the process laying his fingers momentarily over Jin’s clothed ones. The older boy sat down next to him at a small distance, probably still cautious about being close to him. Kame felt stupid. Jin probably thought he had been too friendly with him. Such silly things as innocent touches shouldn’t scare him.
Would it look weird if he shifted position to sit closer to Jin? How was he going to fix things now to the way they were just a while ago?
Kame laid his hand to rest in between their bodies, back to the way it had been when Jin had tried to take it the first time, but now Jin wasn’t. Jin pretended not to notice it, probably not wanting to risk having him flinch away a second time.
They enjoyed their coffees together, but the atmosphere still felt heavy and they had problems thinking of things to say. In the end they sat there for a little while longer before getting up to continue walking mostly in silence.
Maybe one of these days Jin would realize what a hopeless task it was to get to him, how they didn’t fit together and would eventually stop asking him out on dates. For some reason that thought made Kame want to try harder to save whatever could be saved of this date and he walked slightly closer to Jin, as close as he dared so that their hands almost brushed against each other.
This apparently wasn’t a clear enough sign for Jin to try again to reach out for him or then Jin just chose to continue to ignore his efforts, wanting to end this date as soon as possible.
“You’re probably tired after having been working since the early hours.” Jin said. “So I can just walk you back to the apartment, if you-”
Kame didn’t like where this was going. Fears that his earlier prediction might come true made him blurt out something before he even could process it in his head, “Let’s hold hands.”
Jin stopped, almost stumbled, and shot him a bewildered look. “HA?!”
Needless to say the older boy was as surprised as he was by the request, especially after his previous reaction. He rarely saw Jin stand there with his mouth hanging open. What was he supposed to say now? That it had just been a joke?
“I-It’s quite cold and I haven’t gotten any gloves so…” he tried to laugh it off and skipped on ahead as unbothered as he could, painfully aware of the fact that he was probably not very convincing. He didn’t make it far until Jin had reached his side and the next thing he knew the warm hand embraced his successfully in a light grip. Silently Jin passed the other glove over to him and he put it on his free hand while their grip grew a bit firmer.
The ring on Jin’s finger, slightly cold because of the weather, brushed against his skin, making him feel naked without his own ring on. The jewellery in question had previously been suffocating him, but now when he wasn’t wearing it he was beginning to feel as if a part of him was missing.
“S-so what else is there to do in blocks like these?” Kame said then, making an attempt to prolong the journey, and their date, that would eventually lead to their front door. “Besides for visiting bathhouses and clubs…”
“Not much.” Jin answered honestly and Kame had to laugh. “It doesn’t take that many dates to cover most of it.”
Kame tried to think of things they could do, as he was just as clueless, if not even more so, about what people did on dates. “Movie?” he suggested.
“Ah! We do have a theatre!” Jin shone up. “This way!”
It was an abandoned little thing just barely inside the borders and it was first after having bought the tickets to whatever would be shown first that they remembered the movie would be in Korean. They hardly understood a thing except for that it was some historical drama about two court clowns. One of them was really beautiful with long dark hair and the king seemed to favor him over the queen.
There wasn’t anyone else inside the whole theatre, allowing them to talk as much as they wanted during the movie and laugh together at their own jokes or ideas of what might be happening. He had forgotten how much fun he could have with Jin. Kame wasn’t sure when this language barrier had ceased to feel like a burden and the Korean language had actually started to sound quite unique in his ears. He definitely got a taste for it during those few hours they sat there in the old, but still soft chairs, sometimes holding hands and other times Jin would throw an arm over his shoulders. Had there been anyone else there in that person’s eyes they would definitely have looked like a real couple, Kame thought.
After a few good hours of language immersion they exited the theatre, thanking the owner in Korean. Kame still had so much to learn even though he had grown used to saying a phrase or two at work to his Korean customers.
The grip of their hands combined was stronger than before and it wasn’t until halfway back to their apartments that the comfortable feeling Kame had been experiencing was suddenly replaced by nervousness again.
Nothing had happened the previous dates they had gone back to their door and it meant that something probably soon would. Jin wasn’t the type to keep jumping on the brakes and today he had given Jin reason to think he wanted something physical between them, which he sort of did…as long as it didn’t become too physical.
He was quite afraid to meet Jin’s gaze as they stopped by their front door that evening.
“Today was fun.” Jin smiled at him and he tried to smile back, not wanting the older boy to think he hadn’t enjoyed himself because he was nervous now. “Don’t know how to top that since we already did practically everything sophisticated there is to do here.”
“Then maybe you should introduce me to your lifestyle a bit more.” Kame said and Jin didn’t respond at first, eyeing him for a while and for once Kame could guess what the older boy was thinking. Jin knew he didn’t fit in here and that he didn’t agree on some of the things the gangsters did, but maybe there was still something appealing about Jin’s world he had yet to see or seen but never appreciated before.
“Trust me, you don’t want that.” Jin chuckled, obviously letting him off the hook instead of allowing him to agree to something he didn’t know he could handle, but this time Kame wasn’t going to just run away. If he was to live in these kinds of blocks for the rest of his life, then he needed to learn how to fit in. He could change. He could do his best to become someone a bit more like the gangsters. If he could understand the way the gangsters thought and he could try to start thinking like them.
“But your lifestyle is mine now too, right? I want to know more about it.” he insisted. He wanted to know Jin more than anything, besides didn’t people who dated each other do just that on their dates? Wasn’t that the whole point? “I want to give it a chance.”
The smile slowly returned to Jin’s face. “You’re right. I’ll show you how gangsters do it.”
Kame nodded gratefully and a small silence fell over them, but a clearly more comfortable one this time. Jin made no attempts to make conversation and knowing Jin didn’t want to talk made him just stand there quietly too, watching the older boy take one step closer. He drew in for air as he could see Jin’s intentions in the boy’s eyes already before Jin stopped in front of him. He knew that look, so he didn’t dodge away even though Jin gave him plenty of opportunities to do it before the older boy lowered his head towards his. He just stood there frozen against the door, as Jin shut the distance between them and their eye-contact broke. His eyes fluttered shut and Kame forgot about breathing as lips softly touched his. He couldn’t form a coherent thought in his head right now. All he knew was how familiar, yet how new this felt, and no matter how simple Jin’s kiss was, just lips on lips, emotions were overflowing onto him and he was reminded once more of everything Jin wanted from him.
Jin released his lips after what felt like an eternity, but the boy didn’t pull immediately apart and he felt Jin’s breath against his warm face. One question kept going around in his head; was he feeling this hot because he knew how Jin felt for him or because he felt the same for Jin back?
“Night, Kazu-chan.” Jin said, finally taking a step backwards to give Kame room to go inside. “You should probably go in.”
Yet he wasn’t moving. He was rooted to the spot.
“Unless…you don’t want to do that?” Jin said, eyeing him curiously and Kame finally managed to get a grip over himself.
On shaky legs and with a faltering, ridiculous smile he babbled out, “R-right, of course. Good night.”
He turned the key in the lock and kicked the door open, being halfway inside the apartment as he remembered, “Oh, and here’s your glove.”
He stuffed the glove into Jin’s hands without looking the other one in the eyes and a ‘good night’ later he had shut the door behind him, allowing himself to sink down it until he was sitting on the floor.
Why couldn’t he ever behave normally?
He breathed in and out heavily a few times, managing to calm the rapid beating of his heart.
Even though he had probably made a fool out of himself in front of Jin again, at least it was a nice change to lose control of himself like this. For once fear wasn’t what had taken over him. It was something totally else.
He hoped Jin hadn’t taken that all, him shutting the door in front of the leader’s nose, as a rejection and that Jin had really meant for him to go in alone and get some rest, because he had needed to get away. That intensive kiss had reminded him once more of the fact that Jin was holding back with him. Jin yearned for more, but he couldn’t give that, at least not yet. He wasn’t even sure whether his heart was beating so fast because of their kiss or because of the way Jin had kissed him. Could he handle Jin’s feelings right? Could he return them the way he should? He hadn’t even invited Jin in and this was already the third date, if that time on the rooftop counted as one, that is. In prison Jin had been accustomed to getting laid in the very least at the second night. Though Kame guessed the circumstances had been a bit different then and he reminded himself that even if he had been able to do that with Jin, sleeping together on the first date would have made him look easy and if this was the second official one then not all was lost yet…
He sighed, rubbing his temples. He shouldn’t be thinking like that, but with Jin’s kiss still fresh on his lips he found it hard to think rationally.
Was it all right for him to date Jin the way he was now? He didn’t know, but what he was sure of was that he cared about Jin. There was no question about it.
~*~*~*~
next part