The life of a showman
I realized today, that I am sick.
I am sick of music. I am sick of everything having to do with music. Sick of the politics, the rigorous schedules, the exteme personalities, everything. I want out. I have played some sort of musical instrument for the past 11 years and I am fucking SICK of being a musician. I don't want private lessons anymore. I don't want to be in SYO. I don't want to play solos. I don't want to play in a quintet, trio, quartet, or woodwind ensemble. I don't want to be 1st horn assistant anymore. I don't want to give up 3 hours of my free time every Monday night. I don't want anything to do with music right now. I want to listen and enjoy it, but I don't want to make it myself. Not right now.
The good thing is that I can always come back to it, should I want. That's a comfort.
Right now? Right now I want to explore. I'm young and I have plenty of time. Why shouldn't I be allowed to explore my personal intrests? I want to learn Russian, Czech, Latvian, Estonian, Polish...I want to learn languages that will challenge me and frustrate me every step of the way. I want to learn languages that are largely overlooked. I don't want practical. I want what I want. I want to take photographs. I want to paint. I want to learn how to sew. How to draw realistic human faces. To dance. To do advanced yoga. To study World War II. To cook like a professional. To become more than just a "friend". To drive on freeways. To cross country ski. To speak Italian. To speak French. To speak any language outside of English and German. To read. To write. To break out.
I am sick of music. I am sick of everything having to do with music. Sick of the politics, the rigorous schedules, the exteme personalities, everything. I want out. I have played some sort of musical instrument for the past 11 years and I am fucking SICK of being a musician. I don't want private lessons anymore. I don't want to be in SYO. I don't want to play solos. I don't want to play in a quintet, trio, quartet, or woodwind ensemble. I don't want to be 1st horn assistant anymore. I don't want to give up 3 hours of my free time every Monday night. I don't want anything to do with music right now. I want to listen and enjoy it, but I don't want to make it myself. Not right now.
The good thing is that I can always come back to it, should I want. That's a comfort.
Right now? Right now I want to explore. I'm young and I have plenty of time. Why shouldn't I be allowed to explore my personal intrests? I want to learn Russian, Czech, Latvian, Estonian, Polish...I want to learn languages that will challenge me and frustrate me every step of the way. I want to learn languages that are largely overlooked. I don't want practical. I want what I want. I want to take photographs. I want to paint. I want to learn how to sew. How to draw realistic human faces. To dance. To do advanced yoga. To study World War II. To cook like a professional. To become more than just a "friend". To drive on freeways. To cross country ski. To speak Italian. To speak French. To speak any language outside of English and German. To read. To write. To break out.