So, here's the thing. . .
I haven't really posted up very much on my LJ because of myspace blogs. And it's not that I even post up all that much anymore. I just feel like I want to share my life with people, but only certain people. And there are people who have access to such an open part of my life, and can not only get blackmail evidence on me, but can also read things that don't really concern them in the least. But, I have to consider that Myspace is worse, since everyone and their mother can read it, with easy access. People that DEFINITELY don't need to be reading some of my thoughts. So, I've retreated to my original home, where I'm most comfortable sharing my innermost thoughts, and people seriously have to search good and hard to find them.
I am having the time of my life with college life and sorority life. Although, I do consider Tri Delta Land part of college life. It's fun, but I think that I've ruined the experience for one of the most important people in my life. I was at the house today, and someone mentioned that everyone was joining a sorority, and by doing so, it took the uniqueness out of it's membership. And I sat there, thinking that it does in the long run, and by joining the same sorority as my best friend, I've taken that special thing that makes her super unique away from her by being a member of it as well. And I was sitting in the house, after Officer Training, and it struck me as funny, that without her presence in the house, I didn't feel comfortable sitting there. There's a bond of sisterhood and friendship that I feel is missing, that I should have made, so that I can feel comfortable sitting with almost everyone. But the fact that I was sitting by myself and felt foolish trying to talk or interact with the other girls there saddened me.
Should I be feeling this way? Should thoughts of disaffiliating be running through my mind so soon after initiation? Why, when I'm surrounded by so much "support" do I feel my lonliest and worthless? I'm hoping it's just the winter/season blues, but I'm afraid it's not. I'm too afraid that I can't make these feelings go away, no matter what I do.
I am having the time of my life with college life and sorority life. Although, I do consider Tri Delta Land part of college life. It's fun, but I think that I've ruined the experience for one of the most important people in my life. I was at the house today, and someone mentioned that everyone was joining a sorority, and by doing so, it took the uniqueness out of it's membership. And I sat there, thinking that it does in the long run, and by joining the same sorority as my best friend, I've taken that special thing that makes her super unique away from her by being a member of it as well. And I was sitting in the house, after Officer Training, and it struck me as funny, that without her presence in the house, I didn't feel comfortable sitting there. There's a bond of sisterhood and friendship that I feel is missing, that I should have made, so that I can feel comfortable sitting with almost everyone. But the fact that I was sitting by myself and felt foolish trying to talk or interact with the other girls there saddened me.
Should I be feeling this way? Should thoughts of disaffiliating be running through my mind so soon after initiation? Why, when I'm surrounded by so much "support" do I feel my lonliest and worthless? I'm hoping it's just the winter/season blues, but I'm afraid it's not. I'm too afraid that I can't make these feelings go away, no matter what I do.