The talk....Cold night insues.
Miyako came to Ken's door and knocked. She had been to busy the past few days.
And now she was going to talk to Ken....but, she didn't think he wanted to talk about this.
"Hai." Answering the knock, and closing the live journal window, Ken walked towards the door. He wondered who it could be, at such late hour.
Expecting perhaps the security guard-who has been suspicious of Ichijouji household of keeping a pet (Wormmon) again- Ken opened the door, unenthusiastically.
Miyako stood there with Hawkmon at her side. She hung her arms in front of her, holding hands.
She wanted to smile for him, but the pressure of what she was about to do weighed down her heart.
"Mi...yako san?" Ken paused surprised for a moment, and then he beamed. It was great seeing her, after such long time.
"What? Late,uh...um, I mean, ah! come on in!" Moving aside from the door hurriedly, he invited his beloved in.
Glad to see the girl the boy smiled widely but stopped as he’s noticed her expression. Something was seemingly ebbing at her heart.
"Hi, Ken-kun," she tried to keep her voice happy, but failed.
"I've been meaning to talk to you about some stuff," she began.
"You have good timing, since right now, both my parents are out. Wormmon's asleep but he's pretty heavy sleeper...Ah, but why don't you sit down first? I'll bring some tea. " Ken pointed toward the sofa, can't help but feeling anxious at tone of her voice.
"Hawkmon, could you maybe....go somewhere? I'd like to talk to Ken privately?' Hawkmon nodded and went to join the worm. When Ken returned, he found Miyako sitting down alone at the living room sofa. Placing down three cups of tea, with cubic sugar and cream container, Ken motioned at Miyako. "I didn't know how you like your tea, so help yourself. Where's Hawkmon?"
Miyako prepared her tea the perfect way, with just a little milk and one sugar and looked at Ken. "I asked him to go. I wanted to talk to you privately. He doesn't like me wandering around Odaiba, let alone going all the way to Tamachi by myself."
Ken nodded in understanding. "So....what is it that you want to talk about?" Curious, he asked, though he had this gut feeling this wouldn't be good news. The boy sat into the chair, feeling oddly trapped in his own house.
He leaned backward, trying to make himself shed some uneasiness.
Miyako twirled her hair nervously, "Well, you see, I don't know how to say this.....but I've been really confused lately." Ken silently nodded, absorbing everything she's saying.
"And......there's.....this....I don't know if what I said was tr...." There really was no good way to say this. "...what do you mean?" Keeping his voice calm, Ken asked. Is it about Koushirou san again? Ken wondered....
The boy was afraid, but he also knew if he didn't clarify with her, he knew that in the end it'll hurt them both thousand-fold more.
"Continue." Determined, Ken spoke.
"I... don't know if I really love you....I think I just said because I feel you pressured me into it. I also think I might have feelings for someone else." Miyako didn't even realized that she said it until it was out.
Ken shut his eyes and bit his lip. "...It's... Koushirou san isn't it."
Miyako nodded, "Yeah....."
Ken sat there in silence.
Quietly, Ken drank his tea.
"I'm sorry....I didn't want to hurt you...but.....this was starting to........I thought this would be the best way......"
Her words rang in his ears, somewhat oddly distant.
Ken finished his tea and put the cup down on the table.
He sighed deeply. Sure, it hurt like crazy, especially since she was so sure back then, but then again it could've been only the magic of the night. I...should be calm. Ken reminded himself.
Breaking rather long silence, Ken raised his head and looked at Miyako. "You....must have had hard time because of this." Miyako nodded, "This has been hard on me....this is probably really stupid......" Ken shook his head. "No... this isn't stupid. I knew from very beginning you've had crush on Izumi san." "I thought it had gone away......but Izumi-sempai doesn't like me like that, and now you can't trust me again.......so.....I'm screwed."
"I'm....okay." Ken smiled weakly.
Slowly, Ken reached for Miyako's shoulder.
But he withdrew, and instead reached for one of her hand, hesitating a little.
"I know things aren't okay, Ken." She squeezed his hand.
She just wanted to collapse in his arms as her tears started to flow, but she didn't think that was appropriate.
Ken avoided looking at Miyako's eyes. From the tremble in her voice, he could tell she was crying.
Ken grabbed tissue and handed it to Miyako. Miyako accepted the tissue and used it to wipe her eyes.
"You're so nice to me Ken.....and I'm just throwing it away........"
Ken just stayed silent.
"I'm so stupid....I mean, I've dreamt of dating you for 5 years, and now it's here and......I'm throwing it away for something that won't ever be." Miyako grabbed Ken's hand that held her and brought it to just below her chin, forcing his arm against her form. She tilted her head down and kissed a knuckle gently.
"Don't." Ken withdrew his hand. "I'll get a wrong idea... Inoue san." Ken lowered his head.
"I'm sorry," she said, backing away a little. "I......" She wanted him to get the wrong idea and try to win her back, but she knew that wouldn't help, that only knowing the truth would help.
Ken stepped back. "....I'm... okay." Strained, he started talking.
"...It's good you've told me the truth." He forced a smile.
"No you're not.....I really hurt you......God! I'm so stupid, Ken!" Miyako collapsed on the couch. She wanted to comfort Ken, so be comforted. She wanted him....but that reminded too much of how she felt about Koushirou.
Ken raised a hand, and placed it on her head. Petting her hair, Ken spoke, staring blankly at his own ceiling. "You're not stupid... No one can help falling in love...." Ken sighed. He could feel himself trembling. "It really is a lie if I say I'm not shaken by this at all...But it would be worse if you've suffered more because of this..."
It's true that he wanted to tell her to get out. It was also true he wanted to just make her his, but it was also most painful seeing her torn because of the guilt.
Heck. He felt himself to blame for her current state even.
Ken swallowed hard. He could feel his throat drying up.
"Inoue san. Let's get out. I'll walk you to the street."
He hated himself for saying this. He hated himself for hurting so much.
He wanted to tell her, everything's fine and he'll wait for her forever and ever, an undying promise of love, and comfort.
But he knew, doing that would only be pretence.
He cursed himself for not being adult enough.
"...I'll call Hawkmon. He's with Wormmon right?" With this, Ken got up from the sofa.
Miyako nodded, "I'm sorry Ken, I really am. But.....as Mimi said.....if I want you back, and you take me back....you'll have all of me, not half of me....." Listening to Miyako's voice coming from back of his head, Ken bit his lips. He hurried inside, and found Hawkmon waiting by the door.
Hawkmon bowed to Ken, "I hope your talk went well." Hawkmon knew what the talk was about, but felt he could be optimistic.
Ken too, bowed to Hawkmon. "Please. Take care of Inoue san."
"It is what I do, Ichijouji-san. She always need protection. I take it is time for Miyako-san and I to leave."
The blue haired boy was relieved. He was never so thankful Miyako had Hawkmon by her side. Though, if anything, he wanted to tend her pain, and comfort her gently, but he knew with his current state, it would be pretty difficult. "Let's go. Inoue san's waiting." Stating, Ken opened the door.
Hawkmon nodded and went to Miyako's side. She stood in the living room and was wiping her tears. "Are you okay, Miyako-san?" Hawkmon asked. Miyako nodded, "I'm fine Hawkmon, I guess I need to talk to Koushirou now, don't I?"
Ken came out a little slower, putting on a jacket. Looking at Hawkmon and the purple haired girl conversing, he headed to the doorway, and waited.
Miyako followed Ken to the door.
"Look, I'm going to talk to Koushirou, and after I do......I guess I'll have a lot of thinking to do. Can we still be friends?"
Ken simply nodded.” Otherwise, I wouldn't offer to walk you to the streets."
Coming out of the doorway, he locked the door. Chilly air on apartment hallway felt somewhat refreshing to him.
"I'm sorry Ken......I really do care for you, which is what made this so hard."
Ken nodded again, and continued. "You don't have to apologize. I understand. I really appreciate your honesty."
The blue haired boy reached for the girl's hair once again, petting her on the head.
"Ganbatta ne." With this, he curled corners of his mouth into a smile.
Miyako wrapped her arms around Ken, "I’ll always care for you." She kissed his cheek.
Ken blushed and pushed her away awkwardly. "Friends, don't do this. Inoue san."
Instead, he extended one of his hands and held her hand gently. "I'll.... always... care for you too."
"Sorry, Ken...I guess I should go now." Pulling her hand out, afraid she'd collaps into his arms, Miyako felt her eyes get warm with tears.
Ken lowered his hand hurriedly, and stepped back as the girl sprang away, crying.
The night was so blue, and cold, and icy. Even the warm orange lights felt of winter.
Miyako hurried to the bus, still crying.
She wasn't sure if she had done the right thing.
If she knew anything, she did know she needed some time before she talked to Koushirou.
….
Ken stood there on place, as the purple haired girl disappeared, into the black of the night with her companion.
The night will be long....Breathing heap of cold air into his lungs Ken thought to himself.
Instead of walking back into the complex, young Ichijouji walked towards the opposite end of the black path, engulfed in coldness.