(no subject)
I havn't written in this thing for a long time. I doubt anyone ever reads it too. But i just feel like writting so im going to post. Five months ago my grandma died. And I thought I handled it pretty well. I didn't cry until the end and I even drove the hearse and helped close the casket. But now it's hitting me. I dream about her every night and I just can't stop thinking about it. I have been depressed and even taking pills and drinking more. I constantly think of suicide. I don't want to but I just do. My friends have already had an intevention I guess you would call it. They took the pills i had away and I thought that would help. but this weekend has been rough. I just feel like shit. im moody and have this attitude which I don't mean to have. I snap answers at people and then they get upset and I truly dont mean it. I just feel that Im in this black hole and keep getting sucked in. I have been slacking in school and have no clue what to do with the rest of my life. I don't even think i want to be a funeral director anymore. I don't know what I want. I just know I don't want to feel like this anymore.