FIC: A Boat by Any Other Name
Title: A Boat by Any Other Name (Red Is My Colour Prompt for Day Nineteen)
Author: blue_fjords
Rating: PG
Words: 1,150
Setting: post-series two
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: Cracky little fic in which Rhys helps out and Jack & Ianto are a little preoccupied with each other
Prompt: dry-docked, snow-covered boat
Gwen eyed the lorry sliding backwards in her direction with more than a little alarm. “Brakes, Rhys!” she yelled, futilely throwing up both hands palms out.
The lorry fishtailed once, straightened, and then came to a halt, perfectly positioned. Gwen smiled, startled. Well, at least that worked itself out alright.
Rhys hopped out of the cab, almost fell on his arse in the ice, and walked gingerly back to join her.
“This it, then?” he asked, sizing up the snow-covered boat. He scratched his head. “It doesn’t look alien.”
“Appearances can be deceiving,” Gwen murmured, circling the boat. There should be a hook or something. She sighed. “Rhys, love, do you see a hook or anything like that?”
Rhys was still gazing incredulously at the boat. “What?”
“We need a way to get it into the lorry.”
“Oh, we can just use the lorry’s ramp and these ropes. Unless the ropes are tentacles?” he asked uncertainly.
Gwen stared at him for a moment, before bursting into laughter. “Oh, Rhys, love, the boat is still a boat! It’s just from an alien planet. It’s not sentient or anything.”
Rhys blushed. “I knew that,” he muttered, kicking at a chunk of snow and ice. He slipped and slid back over to the lorry and unlocked the back door and tugged out the ramp.
“Push or pull, Gwen?”
“I’ll take the rear,” Gwen answered, her brain automatically supplying a comment Jack would have said if he’d heard her response.
She managed to not fall down as they maneuvered the boat up the ramp and into the lorry, Rhys cursing a few times when it almost lost traction. Once it was safely stowed, he joined Gwen at the back of the lorry, shoved the ramp back in place, and slammed the doors.
“Well that’s sorted!” he exclaimed. “What do you say we have Jack and Ianto take it back out when we get there, yeah?”
Gwen smiled at him as they climbed back into the cab. “Yeah, alright, let me call them. They went out looking for the oars; they’ve probably been back awhile now.”
Gwen rifled through her bag, and liberated her mobile with a triumphant “Aha!”
She hit the speed dial for Ianto’s number as Rhys pulled off the access road and onto the main drag. It rung three times, and Gwen was starting to wonder, when it was answered with a gasped “Yes?”
“Ianto?” Gwen frowned. “You alright?”
“Gwen?”
Gwen heard a muffled “Hey!” followed by Ianto muttering, “No, she’s on the phone.”
Gwen felt color rising in her cheeks. “Um, Rhys and I are heading back to the Hub with the boat now.”
“Gre-at.” Ianto’s breath caught in his throat, and Gwen could distinctly hear a series of sucking sounds. She squirmed a little in her seat.
“So see you soon!” she finished hurriedly.
“Yeah . . .” Ianto breathed out.
She hung up, blushing.
“So they gonna help?” Rhys asked, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye.
“They’re a little preoccupied at the moment,” she said diplomatically.
Rhys rolled his eyes. He knew what that meant. Just a week ago, he had invited Ianto to the pub with him and his mates to watch a match. Rhys knew Ianto liked rugby; according to Gwen, they usually watched it together, or listened to it on the radio, but she was coming down with a cold and Rhys thought it would be the perfect opportunity to get to know Ianto better. Ianto had gotten into the game, yelling at the ref louder than any of the rest of them, until his mobile rang. He had excused himself to answer the call, and Rhys went to look for him fifteen minutes later. He wasn’t in the loo, and Rhys had ducked outside to see if he was still on his phone.
Rhys had found him in the alley, hidden from casual view from the street, shoving Captain Jack bloody Harkness up against the brick wall, leg between Jack’s thighs, hands in Jack’s hair, mouth on Jack’s throat as Jack clutched at him, emitting a low moan that was nothing short of pornographic. Rhys had gone back into the pub, and when one of his mates asked if Ianto would be coming back soon, Rhys had replied with “He’s a little preoccupied at the moment.”
However, when Rhys pulled up to the Tourist Information Centre ten minutes later, Jack and Ianto both stepped out of the shadows, fully dressed and utterly nonchalant. Jack whistled when he saw the boat.
“Look at this craftsmanship! Doesn’t it look just like an Earth boat?”
“It will look even more like one when you get it out of my lorry,” Rhys muttered under his breath. Gwen elbowed him in the side.
Gwen and Ianto climbed up into the lorry as Rhys pulled the ramp down again. Jack reached in to grab a rope on the left side, Rhys on the right, when suddenly - POP!
Gwen fell back, startled. Next to her, Ianto blinked rapidly, waving a hand through smoke so that they could see. Jack and Rhys still had their hands clenched like they were holding ropes, rather than empty air.
The boat was gone. In its place sat a child’s bike, complete with basket and bell. As the four of them stared, the door to the Tourist Information Centre burst open, expelling two training wheels. The wheels rolled clumsily over to the lorry, up the ramp, and attempted to attach themselves to the bike.
Rhys opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again. “That’s weird, isn’t it?”
Jack shook his head. “Not really; oars don’t exactly go with bikes.”
Rhys gave him a dirty look before turning to Gwen. “Didn’t you say this thing wasn’t sentient?”
Gwen hesitated. “It didn’t look sentient in our scans.”
“It’s not sentient; it’s a machine,” Ianto confirmed.
“Whatever it is, what are you going to do with it?” Rhys asked impatiently.
Jack answered him. “Alright, gang. Here’s the plan. The three of us will stay and keep an eye on the bike and wheels. Ianto will go get the stasis scanner out of the Archives. We’ll freeze it in its current state. I’ll look at it when we get the time later; see what it’s actually supposed to be.”
Ianto was already heading back inside the Hub. Gwen hunkered down on the floor of the lorry, sitting cross-legged, elbows on her knees and chin resting on her clasped hands. She smiled at the bike, recalling her last ride, when - POP!
The smoke caused her to cough, and Rhys called from outside the lorry to make sure she was okay. Jack peered in eagerly, anxious to see what they had now.
The bike was gone. There was a snowboard there, however, along with a pair of boots.
Rhys sighed loudly. “I don’t care what you say, Harkness, that is fucking weird.”
Author: blue_fjords
Rating: PG
Words: 1,150
Setting: post-series two
Pairings/Characters: Jack/Ianto, Gwen/Rhys
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Summary: Cracky little fic in which Rhys helps out and Jack & Ianto are a little preoccupied with each other
Prompt: dry-docked, snow-covered boat
Gwen eyed the lorry sliding backwards in her direction with more than a little alarm. “Brakes, Rhys!” she yelled, futilely throwing up both hands palms out.
The lorry fishtailed once, straightened, and then came to a halt, perfectly positioned. Gwen smiled, startled. Well, at least that worked itself out alright.
Rhys hopped out of the cab, almost fell on his arse in the ice, and walked gingerly back to join her.
“This it, then?” he asked, sizing up the snow-covered boat. He scratched his head. “It doesn’t look alien.”
“Appearances can be deceiving,” Gwen murmured, circling the boat. There should be a hook or something. She sighed. “Rhys, love, do you see a hook or anything like that?”
Rhys was still gazing incredulously at the boat. “What?”
“We need a way to get it into the lorry.”
“Oh, we can just use the lorry’s ramp and these ropes. Unless the ropes are tentacles?” he asked uncertainly.
Gwen stared at him for a moment, before bursting into laughter. “Oh, Rhys, love, the boat is still a boat! It’s just from an alien planet. It’s not sentient or anything.”
Rhys blushed. “I knew that,” he muttered, kicking at a chunk of snow and ice. He slipped and slid back over to the lorry and unlocked the back door and tugged out the ramp.
“Push or pull, Gwen?”
“I’ll take the rear,” Gwen answered, her brain automatically supplying a comment Jack would have said if he’d heard her response.
She managed to not fall down as they maneuvered the boat up the ramp and into the lorry, Rhys cursing a few times when it almost lost traction. Once it was safely stowed, he joined Gwen at the back of the lorry, shoved the ramp back in place, and slammed the doors.
“Well that’s sorted!” he exclaimed. “What do you say we have Jack and Ianto take it back out when we get there, yeah?”
Gwen smiled at him as they climbed back into the cab. “Yeah, alright, let me call them. They went out looking for the oars; they’ve probably been back awhile now.”
Gwen rifled through her bag, and liberated her mobile with a triumphant “Aha!”
She hit the speed dial for Ianto’s number as Rhys pulled off the access road and onto the main drag. It rung three times, and Gwen was starting to wonder, when it was answered with a gasped “Yes?”
“Ianto?” Gwen frowned. “You alright?”
“Gwen?”
Gwen heard a muffled “Hey!” followed by Ianto muttering, “No, she’s on the phone.”
Gwen felt color rising in her cheeks. “Um, Rhys and I are heading back to the Hub with the boat now.”
“Gre-at.” Ianto’s breath caught in his throat, and Gwen could distinctly hear a series of sucking sounds. She squirmed a little in her seat.
“So see you soon!” she finished hurriedly.
“Yeah . . .” Ianto breathed out.
She hung up, blushing.
“So they gonna help?” Rhys asked, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye.
“They’re a little preoccupied at the moment,” she said diplomatically.
Rhys rolled his eyes. He knew what that meant. Just a week ago, he had invited Ianto to the pub with him and his mates to watch a match. Rhys knew Ianto liked rugby; according to Gwen, they usually watched it together, or listened to it on the radio, but she was coming down with a cold and Rhys thought it would be the perfect opportunity to get to know Ianto better. Ianto had gotten into the game, yelling at the ref louder than any of the rest of them, until his mobile rang. He had excused himself to answer the call, and Rhys went to look for him fifteen minutes later. He wasn’t in the loo, and Rhys had ducked outside to see if he was still on his phone.
Rhys had found him in the alley, hidden from casual view from the street, shoving Captain Jack bloody Harkness up against the brick wall, leg between Jack’s thighs, hands in Jack’s hair, mouth on Jack’s throat as Jack clutched at him, emitting a low moan that was nothing short of pornographic. Rhys had gone back into the pub, and when one of his mates asked if Ianto would be coming back soon, Rhys had replied with “He’s a little preoccupied at the moment.”
However, when Rhys pulled up to the Tourist Information Centre ten minutes later, Jack and Ianto both stepped out of the shadows, fully dressed and utterly nonchalant. Jack whistled when he saw the boat.
“Look at this craftsmanship! Doesn’t it look just like an Earth boat?”
“It will look even more like one when you get it out of my lorry,” Rhys muttered under his breath. Gwen elbowed him in the side.
Gwen and Ianto climbed up into the lorry as Rhys pulled the ramp down again. Jack reached in to grab a rope on the left side, Rhys on the right, when suddenly - POP!
Gwen fell back, startled. Next to her, Ianto blinked rapidly, waving a hand through smoke so that they could see. Jack and Rhys still had their hands clenched like they were holding ropes, rather than empty air.
The boat was gone. In its place sat a child’s bike, complete with basket and bell. As the four of them stared, the door to the Tourist Information Centre burst open, expelling two training wheels. The wheels rolled clumsily over to the lorry, up the ramp, and attempted to attach themselves to the bike.
Rhys opened his mouth, closed it, and opened it again. “That’s weird, isn’t it?”
Jack shook his head. “Not really; oars don’t exactly go with bikes.”
Rhys gave him a dirty look before turning to Gwen. “Didn’t you say this thing wasn’t sentient?”
Gwen hesitated. “It didn’t look sentient in our scans.”
“It’s not sentient; it’s a machine,” Ianto confirmed.
“Whatever it is, what are you going to do with it?” Rhys asked impatiently.
Jack answered him. “Alright, gang. Here’s the plan. The three of us will stay and keep an eye on the bike and wheels. Ianto will go get the stasis scanner out of the Archives. We’ll freeze it in its current state. I’ll look at it when we get the time later; see what it’s actually supposed to be.”
Ianto was already heading back inside the Hub. Gwen hunkered down on the floor of the lorry, sitting cross-legged, elbows on her knees and chin resting on her clasped hands. She smiled at the bike, recalling her last ride, when - POP!
The smoke caused her to cough, and Rhys called from outside the lorry to make sure she was okay. Jack peered in eagerly, anxious to see what they had now.
The bike was gone. There was a snowboard there, however, along with a pair of boots.
Rhys sighed loudly. “I don’t care what you say, Harkness, that is fucking weird.”