Title: And All Our Childhood Heroes Were Fairytale Creatures
Author: blue_fjords
Pairings/Characters: Suzie, Owen, Tosh, Ianto, Jack
Setting: pre-series one
Rating: PG
Words: 1,500
Summary: One should really be more careful when handling alien tech.
Prompt: Lamppost in the snow
Suzie came to with a start. Her head ached abominably, and she was cold. Incredibly cold, as she was lying in the snow.
She stared at it stupidly for a moment, memories working overtime to catch up to her sensory perceptions. It was snowing. But, wasn’t she in the Archives? Which are clearly located underground. And wasn’t she with - she looked around hurriedly, and sighed with relief when her eyes lit on a pair of long legs encased in pinstripes. That just left - yes over there, underneath a tree (A tree! In the Archives!) lay Owen.
At least it wasn’t dark. Gentle light suffused the falling snow, provided by a lamppost. The lamppost definitely reminded her of something. She sniffed the air, and thought she could smell tea. That’s what it was! The lamppost reminded her of Narnia! She half-expected Mr. Tumnus to come strolling out through the streets, balancing his stack of parcels, and ask her off to tea.
A loud groan issued from the throat attached to the pinstriped legs, and Suzie climbed unsteadily to her feet, only to plop herself back down next to Ianto.
“Ianto? How’s your head?”
“’S cold.”
“Yes, about that . . . do you have any idea why we appear to be in Narnia?”
Ianto gazed at her blearily, and then looked around. “Er . . . I appear to be in a cave . . . belonging to a giant.”
Suzie gaped at him. “But, what about the snow?”
Ianto shook his head. “No snow. It’s just cold. It’s a rather large cave.”
Suzie frowned. “Do you see a lamppost? Or Owen?” she added.
Ianto looked to his right. “There’s a fire, but no lamppost. And I think Owen is behind that basket over there.”
Suzie chewed her lower lip, thinking furiously. “What were we doing, right before we wound up here: me in Narnia and you in a giant’s cave?”
“I was doing some filing. You and Owen were arguing, and had come down to ask me for a file,” Ianto answered her promptly.
“That’s right. And then Owen saw that box -” she cut herself off. “Come on. Let’s get Owen up, see what he sees.”
Ianto pushed himself up and then offered her a hand. She took it gratefully. “Does your head hurt at all, Ianto?”
“A bit, ma’am. But I do have in my pocket here,” he reached into his inner jacket pocket and pulled out a small bottle. “Some painkillers!”
He popped the lid and shook out a couple of pills. Suzie helped herself and dry swallowed them, mind skirting over why Ianto would need to have painkillers on him at all times. Torchwood was a pretty rough-and-tumble place, after all.
They knelt down on either side of Owen, and Suzie pointed out to Ianto that the box Owen had picked up in the Archives was lying on its side, less than a meter from his hand, in a snowdrift (to Suzie) or a pile of rubbish (to Ianto).
They woke Owen easily by the simple expedient of shaking his shoulders (a trifle roughly, to be admitted).
“Oi!” he exclaimed, opening eyes that quickly widened in astonishment. “Holy fucking shit.”
Suzie and Ianto glanced at each other. “Dare I even ask what you see?” Suzie directed at him.
“We’re on the fucking yellow brick road in the middle of Munchkin Land.”
Ianto’s lips quirked in a smile.
Owen frowned. “Wait a minute. What do you mean, what I see? Why, what do you lot see?”
Suzie sighed. “I’m in Narnia. Ianto’s in a giant’s cave.”
“Not just any giant’s cave,” Ianto said slowly, peering at a platter of snozzcumbers that was also Dorothy’s house (Owen) and a frozen fox statue (Suzie). Ianto’s smile took over his whole face. “This is the BFG’s cave!”
Owen scratched his head. “So, we’re each stuck in a different childhood fantasy? How did this happen?”
“I don’t know, Owen, maybe someone touched something he shouldn’t have!” Suzie replied angrily, gesturing towards the upended box.
“No use pointing blame, Suzie old girl,” Owen said hurriedly. He walked over to the box and bent down to pick it up.
“No!” Suzie and Ianto exclaimed.
“Owen, we don’t know how that thing works! You can’t just go around, picking up stray pieces of alien tech! You could have been killed! Haven’t you figured that out by now?” Suzie glared at him.
“Like you’re one to talk, Little Miss Hands-Off-the-Glove-I’m-Figuring-It-out!” Owen shot back.
“Um . . . not to interrupt this fascinating discourse, but I think we’re going to have to figure something out soon,” Ianto interjected, nodding over to his left.
“Shit! Alright, it looks like the White Queen and her minions have spotted us -” Suzie began.
“Horde of hungry giants,” Ianto murmured.
Owen sighed. “Those fucking flying monkeys.”
“Did you press any kind of button or anything, Owen?” Suzie asked, now focused on finding a solution.
Owen shook his head. “I just picked it up, and you two were in the room as well, and then we were here.”
The White Queen, giants, and flying monkeys were drawing closer.
“Okay, Owen,” Suzie made her decision. “Pick it up again - although I think Ianto and I will hold on to you, too, just in case.”
Suzie and Ianto each grabbed one of Owen’s shoulders, and he crouched once more, and touched the box.
The air was split with the sound of a roar, and their attackers paused, confused. An object appeared on the horizon.
“Okay. What do you guys see?” Suzie asked, blinking in disbelief.
“I see Tosh riding a white luck dragon,” Ianto replied.
“Tosh on fucking Falkor,” Owen added. The other two glanced at him with raised brows. “What? I can read.”
Falkor roared again, and settled to the ground between the three huddled around the box and the bloodthirsty hordes. Tosh slid off his back, laughing delightedly. She had a strange necklace hanging around her neck, the fist-sized stone appearing to morph from color to color.
“Isn’t this amazing? Too bad it’s broken. Here, I can take us back with this,” she said, indicating her necklace. “Keep holding onto that box.”
Tosh took off her necklace, knelt to see the underside of the box, and with one last glance at Falkor, she touched the stone to a spot on the bottom of the box. Immediately, they all felt the earth shift under their feet and their individual visions melted at the seams. They wound up on the floor of the Archives. Suzie clutched her head, Owen dropped the box with a clang, Tosh sighed in regret and Ianto looked up to see Jack watching them, an unreadable expression on his face.
“So kids. What have we learned here?”
“Tosh has a thing for dragons,” Owen replied flippantly.
Tosh blushed and Ianto rolled his eyes. Suzie answered, “Well, other than ‘don’t touch strange tech or stand near anyone dumb enough to touch strange tech,’ that box transported each of us to a different childhood fairy tale land.”
Jack nodded. “Your favorite childhood story, if I’m not mistaken. And then what happened?”
“We ran into the antagonists.”
Jack nodded again. “The box is from the 46th century, and was designed as a virtual experience for kids to gain confidence by fighting with their childhood heroes to rid the world of the bad guys. Only it’s broken. The necklace is supposed to allow you to call on your hero to help you fight, and also get you back to reality, but it wasn’t attached to the box. We had to use a different one to get you, and since it doesn’t go with that box, it can’t be used by someone who originally used the box to get there.”
“Then I guess we owe Tosh a big thank you!” Suzie held out her hand, and Tosh hesitatingly shook it.
Later that evening, as Suzie teased Owen mercilessly by singing “If I Only Had a Brain,” and Owen scowled and asked Tosh if she was going to go by the pub, Ianto thought back to the look on Jack’s face when they had reappeared. He now thought he would label that as wistfulness. The other three shrugged into their coats and left, calling their goodbyes as they headed to the pub. Ianto carefully donned protective gloves and retrieved the box and necklace, and brought them up to Jack’s office.
“Sir?”
Jack looked up from his pile of paperwork. “What can I do for you, Ianto?”
Ianto gestured to the tech. “I was wondering, Sir . . . would you like to explore your childhood fantasy land? Or would you like to ride in with your hero at the last minute?”
Jack stared at him for a moment, and then a smile broke out on his face. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a stopwatch, tossing it to Ianto in one smooth motion. “Take that necklace and skedaddle. Come rescue me in ten minutes.”