Splurge
You're not who you used to be. You're arrogant, self-satisfied and self-absorbed. You don't care about anything except beer, women and sports.
False.
You are the same- just a little gaurded. So am I, just a little less. I learned to take some barriers down; you learned to put some barriers up.
I need to put away these old photographs. But I love to see that smile on your face- the one that's open and carefree, rather than closed and sarcastic.
I've been time traveling.
I bitched and moaned a lot way back when. My life was great back then- I just didn't know it at the time. Wish I had. Wishing doesn't fix anything, however, and life now is just as good. Maybe I don't have the same things or the same opportunities, maybe I'm a little more jaded than I was then, but I have new opportunities and new things to appreciate. I'll be damned if I'll ever waste the present again.
I've been looking for someone.
If I ever found her- not sure what I would do. I don't believe I could forgive her. She is probably the one and only person I will ever hate. If I had seen her in person? If I were to cross her path somewhere out in the wide, wide world- what would I do? Can't say. Something violent maybe. Something cruel. I should pity her, but I don't. She betrayed me in the worst way. I don't ever have to forgive her- but I can damn well forget. I should work at doing that, instead of doing all this digging.
I've been drinking.
And I had another panic attack. I panic because I can't focus enough to regain control, and spiraling downward into all the emotions I had been running from is a terrifying thing. In the end though, the release was worth it. Sure, many people saw me flip out- but I needed to. And none of them were in any position to do anything except laugh at the half-formed memories that are foggy and distorted by senses that were horribly blurred at the time. I'm afraid to go off to college and not have anyone to fall back on. I'm afraid to be put in a position where I will have to rely totally and completely on myself- at least until I make a few close friends.
Other people can call home- talk to mom and dad and satisfy that feeling of loneliness and homesickness. As anyone who knows me will tell you- I can't. I mean, theoretically I could, and probably should. Maybe I will. But I'm not nescessarily willing to.
The people I would call will be very very busy trying to deal with the same issues I'll be dealing with. And it's scary, knowing that I'll be on my own.
I have a lot more faith in myself and in people than I did before. I know I'll make friends. And in a month or two, everything will be fantastic. It's just the anticipation and anxiety in the weeks before the big Move that's killing me. It's not Alex. It's not pathetic, romance drivel. It's just normal adjustment to a rapidly changing situation.
I'll be fine, I know that. I just have to keep myself from burying my head under the sand.
Wish I could curl up in your arms, where I know it's safe.
But I know you're frightened too.
One day we all have to learn to fend for ourselves. Regardless-
still inlove with you.
False.
You are the same- just a little gaurded. So am I, just a little less. I learned to take some barriers down; you learned to put some barriers up.
I need to put away these old photographs. But I love to see that smile on your face- the one that's open and carefree, rather than closed and sarcastic.
I've been time traveling.
I bitched and moaned a lot way back when. My life was great back then- I just didn't know it at the time. Wish I had. Wishing doesn't fix anything, however, and life now is just as good. Maybe I don't have the same things or the same opportunities, maybe I'm a little more jaded than I was then, but I have new opportunities and new things to appreciate. I'll be damned if I'll ever waste the present again.
I've been looking for someone.
If I ever found her- not sure what I would do. I don't believe I could forgive her. She is probably the one and only person I will ever hate. If I had seen her in person? If I were to cross her path somewhere out in the wide, wide world- what would I do? Can't say. Something violent maybe. Something cruel. I should pity her, but I don't. She betrayed me in the worst way. I don't ever have to forgive her- but I can damn well forget. I should work at doing that, instead of doing all this digging.
I've been drinking.
And I had another panic attack. I panic because I can't focus enough to regain control, and spiraling downward into all the emotions I had been running from is a terrifying thing. In the end though, the release was worth it. Sure, many people saw me flip out- but I needed to. And none of them were in any position to do anything except laugh at the half-formed memories that are foggy and distorted by senses that were horribly blurred at the time. I'm afraid to go off to college and not have anyone to fall back on. I'm afraid to be put in a position where I will have to rely totally and completely on myself- at least until I make a few close friends.
Other people can call home- talk to mom and dad and satisfy that feeling of loneliness and homesickness. As anyone who knows me will tell you- I can't. I mean, theoretically I could, and probably should. Maybe I will. But I'm not nescessarily willing to.
The people I would call will be very very busy trying to deal with the same issues I'll be dealing with. And it's scary, knowing that I'll be on my own.
I have a lot more faith in myself and in people than I did before. I know I'll make friends. And in a month or two, everything will be fantastic. It's just the anticipation and anxiety in the weeks before the big Move that's killing me. It's not Alex. It's not pathetic, romance drivel. It's just normal adjustment to a rapidly changing situation.
I'll be fine, I know that. I just have to keep myself from burying my head under the sand.
Wish I could curl up in your arms, where I know it's safe.
But I know you're frightened too.
One day we all have to learn to fend for ourselves. Regardless-
still inlove with you.