meditation is the key to absolute nothing
I'm so nervous. I'm shaking for some reason.
I wish I could turn back time so I would have not made those stupid decisions that I chose to make.
I made a pledge to God last weekend that I would never lie again. So far so good, but past lies are seeming to reer their ugly heads.
The only people I have really lied to are my parents. This makes no sense to me, yet it is my second nature. I lie to the people who brought me into this world, who fund my every need, who make sure that I do the right thing, and I break their hearts everyday. Who deserves more of my love then them?
Why do I feel the need to hide everything from them. I wish I could take it all back. Every harsh word, every lie, every mis-step of my life. They deserve a perfect daughter. All I can do is make up excuses for myself. I dont smoke, i don't drink, I don't have sex...but I lie? Look at me, I'm so good, I don't do any of that bad stuff, but, I lie. SO?
I think my parents would rather see me screw-up and take responsibility for my actions, rather then try to cover my trail, and make it seem like I have nothing to hide.
They dont deserve a daughter who get's C's, or who goes out all night into the morning, because she's "working". They don't deserve a daughter who slacks off just because she's scared of messing up. They don't deserve a daughter who acts like the last thing on her mind is pleasing her family.
Why do i hurt them?
Some will say because I'm a teenager. That's no excuse. I have messed up royaly in the past. I will mess up royaly in the future. But right now, I wanna be the best daughter I can be. I still need their help though. And, whoever is reading this, your help wouldn't be so bad either.
Tell me to go home on time, tell me to sleep, tell me to eat, tell me to drive slow, tell me to live my own life, and tell me to get good grades. Tell me to work hard, tell me to readh my goals, keep me away from everything evil, and protect me from making mistakes.
After reading that, doesn't it sound like a good friend? One you'd want to have? Well, you do have them. They are called your parents. The best friends you'll ever have.
Took me long enough to see.
I promise to be the best daughter possible from now on.
I realize now, that I have made this promise before. However; then, I lacked experience, confidence, and realization. I'd say it just because it would lessen the strain, lessen the burden of guilt, which I now feel so strongly. I would say it because I thought it would lessen my punishment, make my parents think that I had really learned something. Probably why they will doubt it this time.
I do realize now, that I have hurt them so many times. They have never emotionally hurt me. I don't want to do this anymore. i don't want to be who I am.
Come to think of it, that was once my main argument, "This Is who I AM and you CAN'T change THAT!!!" I remember yelling that so many times. Well, honestly, I don't want to be a liar. I don't want to be a sneak. I want to stop hurting the ones who love me, and stop hurting myself.
I'm sorry.
I wish I could turn back time so I would have not made those stupid decisions that I chose to make.
I made a pledge to God last weekend that I would never lie again. So far so good, but past lies are seeming to reer their ugly heads.
The only people I have really lied to are my parents. This makes no sense to me, yet it is my second nature. I lie to the people who brought me into this world, who fund my every need, who make sure that I do the right thing, and I break their hearts everyday. Who deserves more of my love then them?
Why do I feel the need to hide everything from them. I wish I could take it all back. Every harsh word, every lie, every mis-step of my life. They deserve a perfect daughter. All I can do is make up excuses for myself. I dont smoke, i don't drink, I don't have sex...but I lie? Look at me, I'm so good, I don't do any of that bad stuff, but, I lie. SO?
I think my parents would rather see me screw-up and take responsibility for my actions, rather then try to cover my trail, and make it seem like I have nothing to hide.
They dont deserve a daughter who get's C's, or who goes out all night into the morning, because she's "working". They don't deserve a daughter who slacks off just because she's scared of messing up. They don't deserve a daughter who acts like the last thing on her mind is pleasing her family.
Why do i hurt them?
Some will say because I'm a teenager. That's no excuse. I have messed up royaly in the past. I will mess up royaly in the future. But right now, I wanna be the best daughter I can be. I still need their help though. And, whoever is reading this, your help wouldn't be so bad either.
Tell me to go home on time, tell me to sleep, tell me to eat, tell me to drive slow, tell me to live my own life, and tell me to get good grades. Tell me to work hard, tell me to readh my goals, keep me away from everything evil, and protect me from making mistakes.
After reading that, doesn't it sound like a good friend? One you'd want to have? Well, you do have them. They are called your parents. The best friends you'll ever have.
Took me long enough to see.
I promise to be the best daughter possible from now on.
I realize now, that I have made this promise before. However; then, I lacked experience, confidence, and realization. I'd say it just because it would lessen the strain, lessen the burden of guilt, which I now feel so strongly. I would say it because I thought it would lessen my punishment, make my parents think that I had really learned something. Probably why they will doubt it this time.
I do realize now, that I have hurt them so many times. They have never emotionally hurt me. I don't want to do this anymore. i don't want to be who I am.
Come to think of it, that was once my main argument, "This Is who I AM and you CAN'T change THAT!!!" I remember yelling that so many times. Well, honestly, I don't want to be a liar. I don't want to be a sneak. I want to stop hurting the ones who love me, and stop hurting myself.
I'm sorry.