A Broken Heart
Well the unthinkable happened this weekend. Although i am so happy for the "happy couple" and their great news, my news is not so good. Josh and i broke up and i dont think my heart hurt so bad. Everything was going great and then all of a sudden we had a conversation that i had no idea would effect me like this. I love him, i trully, honestly love him and that is why i will let go. He has something he needs to accomplish and sadly for me, he needs to do it alone. I have a really good mask over me right now because it happened saturday night, well technically after midnight so it would be sunday, and no one could tell at church. When you see me, i will act fine and say everything is fine but deep down, i feel empty. Knowing i will not feel his touch, or lips against mine any longer hurts, but i also know that God has a plan. I am young, and He does have someone in store for me, it just stinks that it's not Josh. Everything was perfect for us; we had the best connection, and a lot in common, and some common dreams and then all of a sudden, BAMMMM it's over. I am a fighter, and i will be ok because there are plenty of things to keep me busy for now. I had no idea this was coming, and honestly, neither did Josh. I guess i deserved it though since I ended Jeff and i's relationship all of a sudden too. What goes around comes around, thats why im not too shocked it happened to me.
I'm a good person, and i would have done anything for Josh. He wasn't only my boyfriend, but my best-friend and he will remain to be so. If it is God's will, maybe Josh will come around, and realize what good piece of sugar he lost (lol), and come back. But, i will not wait because this was his decision, and i refuse to be miserable, sad or angry towards anyone. My heart is broken, but that doesnt mean everyone should be down with me because of my sadness. I will try my best to hide it. I'm young like i have said and i wont act all mopy and i cant be complete without him because thats not who i am. I was in-love with him but he will never know that. All i can do is take one day at a time and try to heal my heart. With the Lord, i know He will help guide me through every step of the way.
So this is how it feels like.........
Chow for now.
Lucky for this journal, it has all the dates.....i give up.....i dont want to read my entry's because i know they are all about him. I dont know what to do, what to say, or how to act, but i will be ok! im going to keep telling myself this.
July 31, 2005 was the day my heart became shielded, and broken.
I'm a good person, and i would have done anything for Josh. He wasn't only my boyfriend, but my best-friend and he will remain to be so. If it is God's will, maybe Josh will come around, and realize what good piece of sugar he lost (lol), and come back. But, i will not wait because this was his decision, and i refuse to be miserable, sad or angry towards anyone. My heart is broken, but that doesnt mean everyone should be down with me because of my sadness. I will try my best to hide it. I'm young like i have said and i wont act all mopy and i cant be complete without him because thats not who i am. I was in-love with him but he will never know that. All i can do is take one day at a time and try to heal my heart. With the Lord, i know He will help guide me through every step of the way.
So this is how it feels like.........
Chow for now.
Lucky for this journal, it has all the dates.....i give up.....i dont want to read my entry's because i know they are all about him. I dont know what to do, what to say, or how to act, but i will be ok! im going to keep telling myself this.
July 31, 2005 was the day my heart became shielded, and broken.