some thoughts... part 2
Love has a way of making your head spin and hurt a lot.
It started with me wondering how the first kiss feels like.
It's not that I can't really understand what love is. It's just that I only experience familial love every day... and maybe because I've been hurt too much already by my previous *unrequited love*. :(
As a result, it's really hard to move on. And now, even though I feel like I can start loving someone again, I seem to be pinned down by the past. Even though now there's only that little connection that binds me to that person (and heck, I don't even know what he felt back then before we went our ways), it constantly reminds me of the pain...
It seems like I'm scared to love someone, for fear that I will fall and fail and hurt myself again...
And there's that other factor... the fact that many people are watching you from afar. You don't know which of them can you trust. I can't make wrong moves or hell will break loose if I get caught, especially if someone has told my parents of the crazy things that I did. Sure, I did tell them of guys who tried to get close to me. Sure, they know of some guy who sneaks to my house just to get the choral arrangements done; but they don't know who I like at the moment.
Maybe because I'm not really sure who it is.
But for now, I think I will wait. I'm not rushing anyway... I just want to find that person, but not establish a commitment once I find him. I just want to look at him as a friend, but know at the same time that he's the one meant for me. And even if I die without knowing who he is, at least I've experienced how it feels like to love. After all, if I'm not meant to be with someone, at least I prayed. It's only God's will...
It started with me wondering how the first kiss feels like.
It's not that I can't really understand what love is. It's just that I only experience familial love every day... and maybe because I've been hurt too much already by my previous *unrequited love*. :(
As a result, it's really hard to move on. And now, even though I feel like I can start loving someone again, I seem to be pinned down by the past. Even though now there's only that little connection that binds me to that person (and heck, I don't even know what he felt back then before we went our ways), it constantly reminds me of the pain...
It seems like I'm scared to love someone, for fear that I will fall and fail and hurt myself again...
And there's that other factor... the fact that many people are watching you from afar. You don't know which of them can you trust. I can't make wrong moves or hell will break loose if I get caught, especially if someone has told my parents of the crazy things that I did. Sure, I did tell them of guys who tried to get close to me. Sure, they know of some guy who sneaks to my house just to get the choral arrangements done; but they don't know who I like at the moment.
Maybe because I'm not really sure who it is.
But for now, I think I will wait. I'm not rushing anyway... I just want to find that person, but not establish a commitment once I find him. I just want to look at him as a friend, but know at the same time that he's the one meant for me. And even if I die without knowing who he is, at least I've experienced how it feels like to love. After all, if I'm not meant to be with someone, at least I prayed. It's only God's will...