Looking toward the future.
Lately it seems that I can't stop letting my mind wander toward the future. Its funny because its so uncertain. I consider the many twists and possibilities that life can take, and all the people that may or may not be around much in the future... As well, I think about who I would or would not like in my future. There are far fewer people that I know that I wouldn't like to know in the future, but I'm pretty happy with my friends base at the present. In any event, my mind wanders more toward the future as I feel the press of time more and more upon my back.
Even more funny than thoughts of the future due to how uncertain it seems to be is the ever present taboo quality of the future. Not everything about the future is taboo, but with this weight that is the future and the so-called nesting instinct and all, it seems that any mention of a future with another is completely off-limits for discussion in most situations. Sure, if you're already well into a situation such as living with that other person and its more in terms of sig. other, then it may be acceptable to discuss... But I've noticed that beyond those terms, it becomes much more of either a joke that's brushed aside or a shunned topic of discussion.
All of that being said, I feel as if life may be passing me by in a sort of way. I know I'm young, but there's no ignoring the fact that many of those my age seem to be moving on toward the family thing. They're all getting married, having kids, buying houses... And here I am, basically single (or at least, that may be the best way to describe it, but that's another tale), not really looking for anything (probably in lieu of a wanted future with someone that may or may not happen), no kids (thankfully considering there's no married status here), no house or major possession that would even come close... and a total question mark after the next one and a half-ish years (when I complete college). Sure, I'm doing this college thing to ensure that the future is the best possible, but there's still that seed of doubt in my mind that somewhere down the line I may have made the wrong decision and have yet to realize it. This is pretty much the root of what terrifies me. I have direction and a basic idea of where I want to be in theory, but nothing concrete. Every time that a concrete idea of the future has arisen, through myself or others, someone has shunned it either for fear of commitment that far in or for fear of something else happening in that time.
Perhaps its just the season for all that commitment, happy couple bullshit to be even more present, but it's not really something that can be ignored by someone of my mind who has no one to sleep next to at night or kiss goodbye in the morning. Really, what this whole stream of thought boils down to is I honestly wonder if this longing even dances across her mind once a week as it seems to mine every night as I lay my head to sleep and every morning as the absence of comments on my bed head, the transformation from sleep-ridden to incredible, and the cute goodbye as we go to our responsibilities. Perhaps I just miss the action and presence of such things, but I'm more inclined to believe that I miss these things coming from her. There is definitely something missing from my life at present, and there is a strong doubt that it could be (ever) filled by another. I suppose only the future shall tell the answer to that when it transforms into the present.
-Drew
Even more funny than thoughts of the future due to how uncertain it seems to be is the ever present taboo quality of the future. Not everything about the future is taboo, but with this weight that is the future and the so-called nesting instinct and all, it seems that any mention of a future with another is completely off-limits for discussion in most situations. Sure, if you're already well into a situation such as living with that other person and its more in terms of sig. other, then it may be acceptable to discuss... But I've noticed that beyond those terms, it becomes much more of either a joke that's brushed aside or a shunned topic of discussion.
All of that being said, I feel as if life may be passing me by in a sort of way. I know I'm young, but there's no ignoring the fact that many of those my age seem to be moving on toward the family thing. They're all getting married, having kids, buying houses... And here I am, basically single (or at least, that may be the best way to describe it, but that's another tale), not really looking for anything (probably in lieu of a wanted future with someone that may or may not happen), no kids (thankfully considering there's no married status here), no house or major possession that would even come close... and a total question mark after the next one and a half-ish years (when I complete college). Sure, I'm doing this college thing to ensure that the future is the best possible, but there's still that seed of doubt in my mind that somewhere down the line I may have made the wrong decision and have yet to realize it. This is pretty much the root of what terrifies me. I have direction and a basic idea of where I want to be in theory, but nothing concrete. Every time that a concrete idea of the future has arisen, through myself or others, someone has shunned it either for fear of commitment that far in or for fear of something else happening in that time.
Perhaps its just the season for all that commitment, happy couple bullshit to be even more present, but it's not really something that can be ignored by someone of my mind who has no one to sleep next to at night or kiss goodbye in the morning. Really, what this whole stream of thought boils down to is I honestly wonder if this longing even dances across her mind once a week as it seems to mine every night as I lay my head to sleep and every morning as the absence of comments on my bed head, the transformation from sleep-ridden to incredible, and the cute goodbye as we go to our responsibilities. Perhaps I just miss the action and presence of such things, but I'm more inclined to believe that I miss these things coming from her. There is definitely something missing from my life at present, and there is a strong doubt that it could be (ever) filled by another. I suppose only the future shall tell the answer to that when it transforms into the present.
-Drew