(no subject)
I have now had an intermittent sore throat, sometimes a very bad one, for more than two weeks. J too. Not happy about it.
I have been given the go ahead to just take the renovations for the training space into my own hands, which is good and bad. My biggest business weakness is I want to do everything myself and not depend on or ask anything of anyone else. I don't trust others with important tasks, I don't like to admit I can't do something myself, and I hate feeling beholden. Unfortunately, if I don't start involving others in my work, I will never accomplish much. Being that I am about tired of scraping by and want to really start making this thing grow, and have the opportunity presented by having my own space to work with... I need to start getting over it in a big way.
So much to do, and many times I want to just throw in the towel and pretend I am content where I am. After all, nothing's going badly right now. I have J, I have my dog, I have a roof over my head and enough clients to keep getting by. But I've never been content with good enough, and there's stuff I want to make happen. I understand that I just have to suck it up and keep slogging through if I want things to happen, and I understand that I do wants to make things happen, even if sometimes it doesn't feel like it.
I want to get back into sword, but have been hesitating, lots. I've been pretty much completely away from it for over a year now. The wounds aren't fresh now; but they're there and I am quite afraid to reopen them. But there's also a lot of passion missing from my life - I put most of it into that previously and since I gave it up have been feeling too often flat and lifeless. I sort of cut off a part of myself because it was hurting me too much. I kind of want that part back, but am fretting about the stitches.
I have been given the go ahead to just take the renovations for the training space into my own hands, which is good and bad. My biggest business weakness is I want to do everything myself and not depend on or ask anything of anyone else. I don't trust others with important tasks, I don't like to admit I can't do something myself, and I hate feeling beholden. Unfortunately, if I don't start involving others in my work, I will never accomplish much. Being that I am about tired of scraping by and want to really start making this thing grow, and have the opportunity presented by having my own space to work with... I need to start getting over it in a big way.
So much to do, and many times I want to just throw in the towel and pretend I am content where I am. After all, nothing's going badly right now. I have J, I have my dog, I have a roof over my head and enough clients to keep getting by. But I've never been content with good enough, and there's stuff I want to make happen. I understand that I just have to suck it up and keep slogging through if I want things to happen, and I understand that I do wants to make things happen, even if sometimes it doesn't feel like it.
I want to get back into sword, but have been hesitating, lots. I've been pretty much completely away from it for over a year now. The wounds aren't fresh now; but they're there and I am quite afraid to reopen them. But there's also a lot of passion missing from my life - I put most of it into that previously and since I gave it up have been feeling too often flat and lifeless. I sort of cut off a part of myself because it was hurting me too much. I kind of want that part back, but am fretting about the stitches.