(no subject)
I haven't been posting much. I am still sort of trying to come back to life.
My world right now is alternately extremely stressful and uncertain, and relatively happy. Things with J are pretty good, the old unresolved issues of like, a future, remain, but I'm at reasonable peace with them for the moment and the relationship itself is good.
The unresolved possible business purchase looms. I want to know what's actually going on so I can move forward with or without it, and more and more the owners act contrary to what owner A had said, which is the business is for sure going to be sold, preferably by December. Neither owner is terribly committed to the business right now which is not helpful; if I'm going to be in charge I need to actually be empowered to make certain decisions asap, and that doesn't appear terribly forthcoming. For now, I'm there as much as humanly possible, forming relationships, honing skills and remaining patient.
A break from the day to day grind came in the form of a wedding of a very good friend on Saturday. It was beautiful, and emotional, and fun. There was a point in the day when I said to myself, "wow, this is too stressy, I don't think this is worth it, really." (I was not myself super stressed, but I could see the toll on others who had ben run a little ragged.)And there was a time later, after I alternately laughed and cried while the bride walked down the aisle beaming, clearly the happiest I've ever seen her, that I said to myself "wow, this was totally worth everything everyone went through to get here."
Later, reflecting, I also realized that currently I'm not emotionally.... healed? mature? enough to handle a wedding as well as she did, with the result that she was able to so fully bask in the radiance of the day and its meaning. Personally I know that I would stress out, kill the buzz of everyone around me, and ruin everything. That tends to be how I operate. So, while I loooove weddings and have fantasized about one for a long time like most American women, I am coming to believe that I may never have one, and that that may be for the best.
My world right now is alternately extremely stressful and uncertain, and relatively happy. Things with J are pretty good, the old unresolved issues of like, a future, remain, but I'm at reasonable peace with them for the moment and the relationship itself is good.
The unresolved possible business purchase looms. I want to know what's actually going on so I can move forward with or without it, and more and more the owners act contrary to what owner A had said, which is the business is for sure going to be sold, preferably by December. Neither owner is terribly committed to the business right now which is not helpful; if I'm going to be in charge I need to actually be empowered to make certain decisions asap, and that doesn't appear terribly forthcoming. For now, I'm there as much as humanly possible, forming relationships, honing skills and remaining patient.
A break from the day to day grind came in the form of a wedding of a very good friend on Saturday. It was beautiful, and emotional, and fun. There was a point in the day when I said to myself, "wow, this is too stressy, I don't think this is worth it, really." (I was not myself super stressed, but I could see the toll on others who had ben run a little ragged.)And there was a time later, after I alternately laughed and cried while the bride walked down the aisle beaming, clearly the happiest I've ever seen her, that I said to myself "wow, this was totally worth everything everyone went through to get here."
Later, reflecting, I also realized that currently I'm not emotionally.... healed? mature? enough to handle a wedding as well as she did, with the result that she was able to so fully bask in the radiance of the day and its meaning. Personally I know that I would stress out, kill the buzz of everyone around me, and ruin everything. That tends to be how I operate. So, while I loooove weddings and have fantasized about one for a long time like most American women, I am coming to believe that I may never have one, and that that may be for the best.