Tea Time
1. I hate Facebook.
2. Jesus was a stranger in his own city.
3. How does a Political Scientist who is in Law School avoid talking about politics on a site that has banned political speech?
4. The Correspondence Dilemma
This is going to sound harsh. I don't care. Take it how you must. Facebook is good for people who like memes, jokes, cats, and for finding out that you have absolutely nothing in common with your family. It's not the best site for people who want connection, conversation, critical thinking, or discussion. It's also not the best place to be vulnerable or real, so if you're fond of those things, as most writers are, I wish you luck. I stayed to watch children growing and to know that people I love are well.
A few months back, I chose to unfriend my siblings on FB because of their Trump- supporting political beliefs. I wrote them an email explaining why, and telling them that I thought it might salvage our relationships if I deleted them from FB and didn't have to see the anxiety causing bullshit that they posted. I didn't even say bullshit. But I did let them know that their political beliefs were painful to me. I thought we might be able to maintain a relationship through texting and visits (once the Pandemic ends). I see now how that is impossible. There will be no relationships because all the work would be one-sided and I have no energy for it. If this is it, this is it. I can't do all the work.
In 2019, researchers at Stanford and New York University, in a paper called "The Welfare Effects of Social Media" showed that quitting Facebook was, without a doubt, good for your mental health. I would put the link her but I've forgotten that nifty way of linking, so you'll have to google it if you're interested. Anyway, no surprise, right? Can I blame Facebook for the fact that I am now without biological siblings? No. Can I blame Trump? Yes, partially. Can I blame myself? Absolutely. If my convictions are changeable, they aren't convictions at all. It's like this:
“Who you are in public is a test of your conviction; who you are in private, integrity.” ― Criss Jami, Healology
Of course, I think about Justice Bader-Ginsburg. She kept doors open. Her best friend on the Court was Justice Scalia. Imagine that. I try to mull that around in my brain and see how that could work, but it doesn't compute for me. I don't understand it. If you can, please enlighten me.
What hurt me the most about my family is that they completely disregarded my years of schooling in political science and Constitutional Law when I wrote about politics on FB. One sister continually challenged what I said, and when I would give her facts and knowledge that she likely didn't have, she would spout some Trumpian Handmaid's Tale garbage and run away. She never responded to the information I gave her, but she'd come back again and again and again to spout unsubstantiated tripe. God, it was exhausting. Other family members didn't engage in political conversation, they just posted racist, misogynist, hateful Trumpian memes. Trump is walking around buck naked and they're telling me he's wearing a Canali Siena suit. What do they think they gain from it? I don't get it.
No, let me be 100% real. What hurt me the most was the fact that not one of them asked how they could help me feel better, not one of them asked me to explain why their stance hurt me, not one of them made an effort to keep our relationship, even when I reached out to them. And then I started to remember that my family was all about coming to our house for Christmases, other holidays, to use the lake, but it was very one-sided and costly to us. There has never been an offer to help us, or any support during hard times. Nothing. So then I just felt used, and here I am.
Well, this first decent sized post is full of angst, complaining, politics, and sadness, isn't it? I suppose this will be a test of whether or not the Russians will allow a political post, although the last time I was here, in 2017, I wrote several posts about Russian interference and they didn't remove those. But those were "friends only". I'm going to write public posts from now on.
I've been writing actual letters lately. I've sent out about 30 of them so far to various people, with a few repeats for those who've responded. That's what brings me back here. The practice of writing has given me back my art. It compels and propels me. I am lifting the paper-thin leaves with tweezers and I do believe there's poetry under there. We shall see. I do have an issue and I'm undecided on it, and will ask your opinion. I keep a copy of every letter that I write in an online journal. Right now, only I can see it. In a year, I will open it for others to see. So, I'm being careful in my letters so as not to respond to people in too personal of a way lest I reveal things they may not want revealed to the world. Not everyone is as comfortable with the notorious sharing that we LJers are wont to do. I have to think on that and see where it leads me.
Well, it really does look like I'm back.
Good.