TM #245: What's the first thing you remember? (408 words)
It's true that Twi'leks store memories in their lekku. Mostly long-term ones and in greater detail than most other species--something to do with the density of neurons, I'm told, but my attention span is shorter than it should be when it comes to matters of biology. I've tried thinking of the brain as a machine, but it's not the same.
In any case, I'm thankful for that little-understood quirk of the Twi'lek brain. It made my memory recovery relatively easy. Every so often I find that I have to sit and meditate, get my thoughts in order. Master Plo Koon helped immensely, but there will always be some things that seem out of order. Memory is tricky like that.
When I first woke up after Ryloth, I couldn't remember anything. Being a blank slate was the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced. No criminal or Dark Jedi, no matter how vile, comes close. I spent most of that first day having a panic attack. My uncle Pol told me my name, and that I'd had an accident. He told me stories of things I had done, and asked if I remembered them. I couldn't, of course. The stories were all lies meant to quiet me down and keep me compliant. I'm thankful for that, in an odd sort of way. Those false memories were something to hold on to, something to keep me sane.
Now, when I go back and try to order my memories, I start from the most recent and work my way back. What I always find myself ending with, what you can consider my first real memory, isn't much. I couldn't have been more than three years old. I was trying to negotiate an extra portion of dessert away from a friend. My argument was something along the lines of "Really, I'm doing you a favor by trading my vegetables for your pastry. You'll be healthier than me." Not in so many words, of course.
There's some other memories that I can never place, but they're mostly images and impressions. Some female Twi'leks, one of whom was probably my mother. A Wampa. Quin and Master Tholme looking a great deal younger than I've ever seen them otherwise. I don't worry about those. I'm reasonably sure that most, if not all of them are from my very early childhood, before my brain was developed enough to process them correctly.
Still, I always have to wonder...
In any case, I'm thankful for that little-understood quirk of the Twi'lek brain. It made my memory recovery relatively easy. Every so often I find that I have to sit and meditate, get my thoughts in order. Master Plo Koon helped immensely, but there will always be some things that seem out of order. Memory is tricky like that.
When I first woke up after Ryloth, I couldn't remember anything. Being a blank slate was the most terrifying thing I've ever experienced. No criminal or Dark Jedi, no matter how vile, comes close. I spent most of that first day having a panic attack. My uncle Pol told me my name, and that I'd had an accident. He told me stories of things I had done, and asked if I remembered them. I couldn't, of course. The stories were all lies meant to quiet me down and keep me compliant. I'm thankful for that, in an odd sort of way. Those false memories were something to hold on to, something to keep me sane.
Now, when I go back and try to order my memories, I start from the most recent and work my way back. What I always find myself ending with, what you can consider my first real memory, isn't much. I couldn't have been more than three years old. I was trying to negotiate an extra portion of dessert away from a friend. My argument was something along the lines of "Really, I'm doing you a favor by trading my vegetables for your pastry. You'll be healthier than me." Not in so many words, of course.
There's some other memories that I can never place, but they're mostly images and impressions. Some female Twi'leks, one of whom was probably my mother. A Wampa. Quin and Master Tholme looking a great deal younger than I've ever seen them otherwise. I don't worry about those. I'm reasonably sure that most, if not all of them are from my very early childhood, before my brain was developed enough to process them correctly.
Still, I always have to wonder...