(no subject)

[blue_401]

what can i do to throw this fear out of me... ??

every time i look back there's only messed things that i found...

the biggest mistake that i took is

i came into ur life again,

in the begining,
i wish i can walk beside u,
we can working 2gether n' helping each other...

but the reality never be so nice as what i ever imagined,
i was out of lines,
making many mistakes that turning u down...

i never mean to be like that...really...

how i regret it so much, how i wish to be able to change it,
i can't let out in good lines...

there's only way that i know:
i have to change,
to standing taller against the pressures,

but,
if only u know,
how tiring for me to walk alone....

i know ur visions for me r good
so i can solve problems by my self,
not hoping a helpng hand
cause, yeah, u know how we can't depend on them. . . .

But if only u know
for me to change is not so easy, is not so fast,
sometimes i can do it very well,
sometimes i can fall,
and sometimes what i've planned not always run well

am still learning....

i never wish u will stay by my side
with many flaws that harm u
making u so dissapoint that even u wish to never see my face...

if only u know,
to know what i've done troubling u,
hurting me so bad,
making me dissapoint to myself...
am down....down....down....down...
have no any courage to do anything....to take any steps
cause i know how low u see me,
how nonsense u think i am,
and am afraid how things will mess up in my hands.....

i only wish to find a way back...
am never be like this before...
never be this rotten....
never be this stuck....
never feel this torn....

if only i can go back to God,
maybe i can wish to be cured,
but will He land His hand on me when He see me ?
He knows very well who i am
He knows what i've done,
will He forgive me ?

I don't know.....