Sometimes Life Really Sucks...
Semester's coming soon
So I would like to mention
I woke up in my room
Alone you always walk in
Next week my mum's away
So now my futures brightened
I'd ask to have you stay
If I wasn't so frightened.
I'm really falling for you
I hate what you're putting me through
What have you done to me now?
I just can't sleep at night
My bed is wet don't know how
Will someone please turn on the light...
I suppose all I can really say is that I'm scared. I'm scared of not being able to see my boyfriend once school starts and I'm scared about how attached to him I am. I have never wanted to be with anyone as much as I want to be with him and I just know that the next few years trying to see him would probably turn out to be diappointing and incredibly difficult. What makes me say this....his mother, that's what.
Jon and I went to see her this past weekend to give her a present that Jon made...eggplant parmesan. I went only because she had been asking about me and why I hadn't been to see her or why I don't come in when I take him to see her. The answer is simple. I just don't feel welcome around her anymore, and I don't understand it. I was nothing but nice to her, she even called me HER friend, and then she turns around when I start dating Jon and talking badly about me to him and saying that I betrayed her and she would expect me to betray him. What kind of a friend does that? And I'd like to know exactly what I did to betray her! I just don't get it. I have never been a problem to anybody before especially a parent of a friend or whatever.
So back to my other issue. The finding time to see my boyfriend with our extremely hectic schedules...haha. So yea, the attachment issue. I didn't think I would get this attached to him, honest I didn't. I invited him to stay at my house for most of the summer thinking it wouldn't be so hard to see him leave but man was I wrong. He is leaving this Friday to spend the weekend with his mother and then he is going back to Boston to pack his stuff and move into his new dorm. It is only Tuesday and already I'm starting to miss him. I have been not so pleasant to deal with these past couple of days and I'm thinking maybe it's my way of dealing with him leaving ahead of time so it won't be so hard later. Just like before when I had a bad feeling about going to see his mom I have a bad feeling about this. I have the worst feeling that as soon as he leaves for school his mom will do everything to get him to stay with her when he comes home on vacations and every time he wants to see me she's going to give him hell about it. I don't want to put anymore strain on him especially from his mother about me.
This whole thing is ridiculous. She shouldn't be acting this way. She should be able to share her son with someone she claimed she trusted. I'm not trying to take him away from her but in the process of letting her cool down she has somehow managed to lead herself to think that I am doing this all. That I am causing Jon to stay in Boston instead of taking her offer to come home after she threw him out, that somehow I'm responsible for the lack of phone conversation between the two of them. I may be a topic of conversation between them but there is no way in hell that I am responsible for any lack of communication. If anything I have been trying to get him to talk to his mom and fix things, but like so many other things he will do it in his own time, and in his own way. Which is fine, I just don't want his mom to blame me forever, and I certainly don't want her thoughts to rub off on him. That would be hell for me if he decided that his mom was right and I'm not good for him. I just know she's going to try everything in her power to get him to somehow stop seeing me over vacations and stuff. I just have this extremely bad feeling that that's what I'm about to face with her.
I don't want to lose him because his mother is paranoid, or anything. I'm hurt enough as it is, I wouldn't be able to handle losing him. <\lj-cut>
So I would like to mention
I woke up in my room
Alone you always walk in
Next week my mum's away
So now my futures brightened
I'd ask to have you stay
If I wasn't so frightened.
I'm really falling for you
I hate what you're putting me through
What have you done to me now?
I just can't sleep at night
My bed is wet don't know how
Will someone please turn on the light...
I suppose all I can really say is that I'm scared. I'm scared of not being able to see my boyfriend once school starts and I'm scared about how attached to him I am. I have never wanted to be with anyone as much as I want to be with him and I just know that the next few years trying to see him would probably turn out to be diappointing and incredibly difficult. What makes me say this....his mother, that's what.
Jon and I went to see her this past weekend to give her a present that Jon made...eggplant parmesan. I went only because she had been asking about me and why I hadn't been to see her or why I don't come in when I take him to see her. The answer is simple. I just don't feel welcome around her anymore, and I don't understand it. I was nothing but nice to her, she even called me HER friend, and then she turns around when I start dating Jon and talking badly about me to him and saying that I betrayed her and she would expect me to betray him. What kind of a friend does that? And I'd like to know exactly what I did to betray her! I just don't get it. I have never been a problem to anybody before especially a parent of a friend or whatever.
So back to my other issue. The finding time to see my boyfriend with our extremely hectic schedules...haha. So yea, the attachment issue. I didn't think I would get this attached to him, honest I didn't. I invited him to stay at my house for most of the summer thinking it wouldn't be so hard to see him leave but man was I wrong. He is leaving this Friday to spend the weekend with his mother and then he is going back to Boston to pack his stuff and move into his new dorm. It is only Tuesday and already I'm starting to miss him. I have been not so pleasant to deal with these past couple of days and I'm thinking maybe it's my way of dealing with him leaving ahead of time so it won't be so hard later. Just like before when I had a bad feeling about going to see his mom I have a bad feeling about this. I have the worst feeling that as soon as he leaves for school his mom will do everything to get him to stay with her when he comes home on vacations and every time he wants to see me she's going to give him hell about it. I don't want to put anymore strain on him especially from his mother about me.
This whole thing is ridiculous. She shouldn't be acting this way. She should be able to share her son with someone she claimed she trusted. I'm not trying to take him away from her but in the process of letting her cool down she has somehow managed to lead herself to think that I am doing this all. That I am causing Jon to stay in Boston instead of taking her offer to come home after she threw him out, that somehow I'm responsible for the lack of phone conversation between the two of them. I may be a topic of conversation between them but there is no way in hell that I am responsible for any lack of communication. If anything I have been trying to get him to talk to his mom and fix things, but like so many other things he will do it in his own time, and in his own way. Which is fine, I just don't want his mom to blame me forever, and I certainly don't want her thoughts to rub off on him. That would be hell for me if he decided that his mom was right and I'm not good for him. I just know she's going to try everything in her power to get him to somehow stop seeing me over vacations and stuff. I just have this extremely bad feeling that that's what I'm about to face with her.
I don't want to lose him because his mother is paranoid, or anything. I'm hurt enough as it is, I wouldn't be able to handle losing him. <\lj-cut>