Frustration
An assortment of things running through my head right now:
- My wife has been having panic attacks in mild form for as long as I've known her. But with a misprescribing of prozac recently after being subjected to extreme stress, her panic attacks have become much worse. She is recovering, but slowly.
The problem is, while I have let her down, I'm only one of several factors which contributed to her being so miserable. I just don't always know what is caused by me and what is caused by something else. Sometimes, I don't know if she knows. - A side effect of this is that she is in a profoundly selfish state right now. Everything is on her terms. I feel like if I ask for anything in the wrong way, she's going to freak out and run a 1000 miles.
Needless to say, this is a very hard place to live in and still feel affectionate. - Even with making new friends, I still can't shake the feelings of lonliness and depression. I want her back on some levels, and on other levels, my survival instinct is telling me to just give up.
I know we've been meeting up and having good days together (although she won't come near our old flat because she says it has bad associations), but it's hard not to feel like I can do no right.