Mar 07, 2006 19:31
"Newsmedia is like a poison. TV doesn't report the news, they sell it. And it seems like the more afraid or enraged they can keep you, the better. Maybe because people have to be enraged or frightened to take action, and everyone on TV (sponsors and all) wants you to do something...
"Being a husband is a delicate balance. Work is going to pull you to and fro with its stresses, but you can't bring them home unless you want an unhappy home life. Likewise, you can't bring personal concerns to work or else you'll get in the soup with your boss. It's a bit like a double life, only with your heart in the game. It's not easy.
"It's funny how I seemed to lose touch with all of my friends at roughly the same time, more or less when I became married. My brother reminded me that it may just be me. I have been quite busy, and I have gone silent on all my traditional message channels due to the extra workload and time spent with my wife.
"My wife made a new best friend. I'm happy for her, and I'm happy for me. She's a Velvet Fairy, a subset of one of the common species I recognized from Deseret. The differences between her and the others of her kind I've met mainly lie in environmental effects from her life up north and her running with the punk/goth crowd-- black hair, black clothing, black gossamer wings, etc.
"She also has the most adorable little daughter. She's almost 2. Sparrow's been babysitting her some days. Cute!
"Which brings me to my next observation:
"My coworkers have asked me how much I have babies on the brain now, seeing as I respond to them as much as ever.
"I thought I was fine with them, but then I just had a pregnancy scare with Sparrow.
"Frankly, I'm stretched too tightly in terms of finances and psychological adjustment as it is. Adding a kid into the mix right now would drive me berzerk.
"All I want is some time to find balance and quiet space in my relationship, to where I can step back for a moment without having to always feel like I have something to do or somewhere I have to be. It's too much otherwise.
"Finally:
"My boss is working to distance herself from me. Combining this with her continuous state of high-tension stress, and it's hard for me to tell if she has a problem with me, or if she's preparing for something bad or good to happen to me, or what. This suspense ignites my paranoia, and leaves me continuously wasting my energy worrying. I know it's not rational.
"But its a hard habit to break."