Breaking up is hard to do.
Nothing will put someone in a pitiful spot quite the way breaking up with them does. Especially when it's an explicit breakup with implicit togetherness and (false?) hope. Particularly, when it's prolonged over a several weeks, and built up to for some time before that. I remained hopeful as I was thrown breadcrumbs. I know what it's like on the other side, you want to offer compassion but what can you say when it's your own goddamn fault.
In quantum computing, a qubit is a bit with a position that can be quantified in a state somewhere between the "on" and "off" position and is seldom if ever valued at either extreme, whereas the classic bit (binary digit) we all know and love is strictly on or off. Quantum computing is a field that remains mystical and curious to me, but I have no use for its application. In fact it is not constructive to pursue it any further.
Abandoning my self absorbed analogies, I've come to recognize that this period allocated for ...(self discovery? assertion of freedom? just plain old space?)... was no longer promising. Nothing was getting better. We were growing farther apart. I was being hurt. I was becoming resentful and she was being hurt. It was a bad move, a bad strategy because I really believe that we're great together. All I want all the time is to be with her, but that can't happen. Simply put, we're no family. We could be but we are not. This is my fault, it's her fault, it's time's fault, sex's fault, whatever's fault, it doesn't matter. That is how it happened, and assignment of blame is ineffectual and irrelevant.
It's very sad that we created such a perfect child. I still dream about a big yard and siblings and pets everywhere. James deserves this. Maybe I deserved it. Lacking it definitely has its long standing effects (this is a self fulfilling prophecy).
A risky move, an atheist taking a leap of faith, it's seeming more to me that I was destined to struggle a painfully imperfect childhood as a strong and dependable person, so that I could be prepared to enforce at all costs happiness for my Son who would be faced with a predicament resembling mine. It is now my primary duty to distinguish his development and personality from mine.
It's scary to me that I don't know what will actually happen with James. I don't believe in government and I don't care what the assigned terminology by the state is to our housing situations. But the fact will never die that I am his father and all would benefit from me spending as much time with him as possible. I will not be absent and I will not be kept out. She and I are both caring and reasonable people with James as our best interest and so I'm sure this will be fine. As it stands apparently I have no custody or even guardianship by default. Faith in government or not, changing that is my absolute top priority.
Now I'm almost 30. And I've never craved for a family like I do now. I was so close.
In quantum computing, a qubit is a bit with a position that can be quantified in a state somewhere between the "on" and "off" position and is seldom if ever valued at either extreme, whereas the classic bit (binary digit) we all know and love is strictly on or off. Quantum computing is a field that remains mystical and curious to me, but I have no use for its application. In fact it is not constructive to pursue it any further.
Abandoning my self absorbed analogies, I've come to recognize that this period allocated for ...(self discovery? assertion of freedom? just plain old space?)... was no longer promising. Nothing was getting better. We were growing farther apart. I was being hurt. I was becoming resentful and she was being hurt. It was a bad move, a bad strategy because I really believe that we're great together. All I want all the time is to be with her, but that can't happen. Simply put, we're no family. We could be but we are not. This is my fault, it's her fault, it's time's fault, sex's fault, whatever's fault, it doesn't matter. That is how it happened, and assignment of blame is ineffectual and irrelevant.
It's very sad that we created such a perfect child. I still dream about a big yard and siblings and pets everywhere. James deserves this. Maybe I deserved it. Lacking it definitely has its long standing effects (this is a self fulfilling prophecy).
A risky move, an atheist taking a leap of faith, it's seeming more to me that I was destined to struggle a painfully imperfect childhood as a strong and dependable person, so that I could be prepared to enforce at all costs happiness for my Son who would be faced with a predicament resembling mine. It is now my primary duty to distinguish his development and personality from mine.
It's scary to me that I don't know what will actually happen with James. I don't believe in government and I don't care what the assigned terminology by the state is to our housing situations. But the fact will never die that I am his father and all would benefit from me spending as much time with him as possible. I will not be absent and I will not be kept out. She and I are both caring and reasonable people with James as our best interest and so I'm sure this will be fine. As it stands apparently I have no custody or even guardianship by default. Faith in government or not, changing that is my absolute top priority.
Now I'm almost 30. And I've never craved for a family like I do now. I was so close.