Well...I guess I'm feeling different.
I just got done watching Phenomenon. The tears are still streaming down my face; I never realized how heart-wrenching this movie was until now. I guess maybe it's because I've matured a lot within the past decade and am more emotionally capable of understanding it? It's strange how this alternate reality can grip your heart and make you feel like this emotion belongs to you; as if this tragedy happened to you. I guess that's what makes a movie good. Movies, good ones, that is; have the uncanny ability to indirectly affect my life. They can affect my moods, emotions, way of thinking...I hardly feel like myself. Or, maybe too much like myself...like more feeling than I can handle. I do feel kind of bummed after watching this film...I guess my mood right now reflects all the sorrow I've felt and inevitably will feel in the future. The good thing about me (I think)is that I'm very flexible...my mood is fairly easy to change; however, I am extremely unpredictable lol. I'll say that about myself. It's only lately though, that I've noticed I'm feeling moody. Maybe I'm making too much of it, but I think I need change. I get extremely restless being monotonous and doing the same thing, day-by-day. It's get up, go to work, go back to sleep. That's my life. I know I've matured a little because the old me would've said fuck this, I don't want to do this. However, the new and (hardly) improved Jill is a well-oiled machine. I just go. Seriously...that's what I think to myself when I have to do something I don't want. Normally, I'd just sit and think about how much I don't want to do something and then bitch about it and procrastinate for as long as I possibly could before having to do something. Now, I just think for a split second, "Fuck, I don't want to do this!"- Then it's "Pretend you're a machine...just do it." and it's done. Fuck. I don't want to be a machine. I need something different. I think I know what I want, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for it yet. Anyway...you the reader is probably getting bored with this entry so I better vamoose. Later kids.