thoughts before travel, always a hurricane
so i'm going on vacation today and it hasn't hit me. i'm sure the exhaustion and bacterial infection in my throat don't help. it's going to be amazing though...paris, ireland, paris...11 whole days!
but it was really really hard talking to john last night. this was supposed to be our trip. and of course i'm pmsing and my mind's on overdrive because i'm about to take another big move and risk in my life. throwing what i have into singing. but the thing is i'm throwing a lot into our relationship too...and i can't stop thinking about living with him and how amazing it will be but then what? he's going to grad school...maybe nyc, maybe cleveland, maybe indiana. and me? probably not grad school. probably staying in upstate new york or nyc.
can i live a life of singing which means barely seeing the man i love? which is going to win out? my hopeless romanticism which is faced by reality, or my passion for music which is faced by the reality of a non stop high energy life.
i cry a lot. i need to find my groove again. it's been really nice having a lot of people around, contrary to what i thought two weeks ago. i've accomplished a lot in these two weeks. a full office move with few glitches, a fantastic voice lesson, going to commencement weekend and reliving but not reliving my one year ago. realizing what this year has been...
the future's terrifying isn't it? but what will come will come. and what's coming next is 11 whole days in europe. a return to a second home and an adventure in a big green place complete with my best friend and B&B Irish Breakfasts. and Guinness. but not too many cause i want to get better. but mmmm Guinness.
i wonder what paris will be like without my crowd..i'll really be a tourist this time, huh?
but it was really really hard talking to john last night. this was supposed to be our trip. and of course i'm pmsing and my mind's on overdrive because i'm about to take another big move and risk in my life. throwing what i have into singing. but the thing is i'm throwing a lot into our relationship too...and i can't stop thinking about living with him and how amazing it will be but then what? he's going to grad school...maybe nyc, maybe cleveland, maybe indiana. and me? probably not grad school. probably staying in upstate new york or nyc.
can i live a life of singing which means barely seeing the man i love? which is going to win out? my hopeless romanticism which is faced by reality, or my passion for music which is faced by the reality of a non stop high energy life.
i cry a lot. i need to find my groove again. it's been really nice having a lot of people around, contrary to what i thought two weeks ago. i've accomplished a lot in these two weeks. a full office move with few glitches, a fantastic voice lesson, going to commencement weekend and reliving but not reliving my one year ago. realizing what this year has been...
the future's terrifying isn't it? but what will come will come. and what's coming next is 11 whole days in europe. a return to a second home and an adventure in a big green place complete with my best friend and B&B Irish Breakfasts. and Guinness. but not too many cause i want to get better. but mmmm Guinness.
i wonder what paris will be like without my crowd..i'll really be a tourist this time, huh?