(no subject)
blegh.
i seem to have lost my luck somewhere. i have no luck. none at all.
which might be balanced out if i had some like... self-confidence or something.
which i don't. which sucks.
plus. maybe if i could stop liking all the wrong people then this would kind of start to end. and then that way i could like get on with my life. even though i would be playing catch up to do all the things that people my age have done long ago. it's so shitty. so many people take for granted things that they do every day that i still haven't done and am still hoping will happen.
and then people tell me i'm too shy and i need to be more outgoing. and i want to literally cry. because you have no idea how hard i try to be outgoing. but every joke i make comes out of my mouth and goes into my ears sounding like the stupidest thing ever said. or talking to people i feel like i have nothing to say to them. we have nothing in common because i have done nothing.
it just sucks. because i feel like i've just been stuck in limbo for the longest time. and this may seem like just another entry about how my love life is soo shitty (which, yes, it does include that), but more importantly at this point it's about friends. i have the hardest time making friends. i have like 3 good friends that i hang out with and people that i talk to in school. and i try to put myself out there and make new friends but it just doesn't seem to work for some reason.
i'm so tired of feeling like i'm trying so hard and accomplishing nothing.
running on a treadmill is tiring.