:)
Okay so i just HAD to update while i was in a good mood just so I could finally use a happy lemon face(see below) and im sick of all my entries being pessimistic. So i jsut got back from our scrimmage against "hammond". Haha they didnt show so we went to another field and played. And i had a blast, honestly. I just got so into it and the great thing was that i didnt get tired or anything:) Like it was actually a lot of fun...and I was being all agressive and stuff..except when someone raised their stick super high like they were gonna whack it...i still cringe and turn around which i kno is more dangerous haha. Anyways if i make the team itll be great i forget how fun it can be. PPl who dont play team sports(depending on the team lol) dont kno what theyre missing. Mr Brown said that i played like a totally dif player today then from tues...its totally a mental thing. More good news..i was gonna skip practice to go to the fair tues but i dont even have to cuz were not doing it tues. Woohhoo. I win.
Tomorrow is the last day this week of the conditioning thing. Yay. Oh that was another confidence booster cuz i was the fastest there...no not bragging it just made me feel good. Tomorrow Im also babysitting for Jessie. I think thatll be cool actually. I like kids for the most part;) and get this, itll be the first time ive EVER babysat alone. Wow, lol.
Anyways i think tomorrow itll be a year since I got my physical and ended up in the hospital. My journal says on Aug 13 itd been 7 days..so thatd be August 6. It was a lot longer after that i was out. But still its been almost a year. Its been a long year, lets just say that. I feel like a much dif person than i did last year, and even after that..i feel more like myself. I mean i still have off days..but who doesnt? But i dont think im depressed anymore..and looking back i think i def was. Even somewhat recently..nothing severe but like everyone has those blue days..but when u have those blue days for like months thats prly a sign ur a little depressed, no? Those days when even when ur happy ur still sad underneath. I wonder if i really just block out such thoughts now. And i still get depressed just less often:) And im much more optimistic...i dont think "what is the point of being here anyway" and stuff as much. Anyways im in a good mood but as the excess energy from field hockey wears off... that nightime gloominess thing comes...u kno what i could use? Random thought...but a religion. The one thing i never work on is my spiritual health and i feel that must be impt too, ya kno? Oh and other thing, i think one of my issues is instead of thinking everyone is generally good but lead astray or whatever, i have this almost subconsious beleif i think that ppl are generally somewhat selfish and hypocritical and all underneath everything and they just have to try to overcome that...so it makes me lose faith in ppl and judge them hard before i give thema chance. Gotta work on that.
Well im going to chill...o my cd player fixed itself*crosses fingers*. Right so nite all..je taime:)
Tomorrow is the last day this week of the conditioning thing. Yay. Oh that was another confidence booster cuz i was the fastest there...no not bragging it just made me feel good. Tomorrow Im also babysitting for Jessie. I think thatll be cool actually. I like kids for the most part;) and get this, itll be the first time ive EVER babysat alone. Wow, lol.
Anyways i think tomorrow itll be a year since I got my physical and ended up in the hospital. My journal says on Aug 13 itd been 7 days..so thatd be August 6. It was a lot longer after that i was out. But still its been almost a year. Its been a long year, lets just say that. I feel like a much dif person than i did last year, and even after that..i feel more like myself. I mean i still have off days..but who doesnt? But i dont think im depressed anymore..and looking back i think i def was. Even somewhat recently..nothing severe but like everyone has those blue days..but when u have those blue days for like months thats prly a sign ur a little depressed, no? Those days when even when ur happy ur still sad underneath. I wonder if i really just block out such thoughts now. And i still get depressed just less often:) And im much more optimistic...i dont think "what is the point of being here anyway" and stuff as much. Anyways im in a good mood but as the excess energy from field hockey wears off... that nightime gloominess thing comes...u kno what i could use? Random thought...but a religion. The one thing i never work on is my spiritual health and i feel that must be impt too, ya kno? Oh and other thing, i think one of my issues is instead of thinking everyone is generally good but lead astray or whatever, i have this almost subconsious beleif i think that ppl are generally somewhat selfish and hypocritical and all underneath everything and they just have to try to overcome that...so it makes me lose faith in ppl and judge them hard before i give thema chance. Gotta work on that.
Well im going to chill...o my cd player fixed itself*crosses fingers*. Right so nite all..je taime:)