(no subject)
this past week i took my first exam in microeconomics, helped joey study for his finals, and went to a concert with some old friends. as of now, i'm kind of lagging on my microeconomics work, still haven't added any moolah to my bank account, and feel kind of weird right at this moment. i mean, today i started off a little irritated, then alright, then irritated again, then good, then fabulous, and now i'm back to being irritated. i bought West Side Story on DVD from Ralphs for ten bucks, so that made me happy. i got two MaxFactor mascaras from Target for way cheap, so that also made me happy. i started refreshing on the little Italian that i know, so that was pleasant as well. i even got to the point where i started singing song lyrics i found online--that's how happy i got. now, i feel inadequate. i hate this feeling. it's like, i don't know what's wrong with me. i feel like things get to be more difficult than they have to be. i thought things might get easier for just a little bit. i thought this summer was gonna be so much different than what it actually is. i mean, summer is just beginning so i shouldn't even be saying stuff like that yet. but if i'm already feeling these feelings i'm harboring inside of myself, then i think this summer is gonna go by quick with me being inadequate, irritated, and somewhat depressed. i don't know why i get like this. i really want to be happy, and i guess there are glimpses, but when the day comes to an end, i feel like i don't want to go to bed because then the actuality of my situation is made officially real. that is such a terrible thing to say because my feelings right now are just overwhelming one-sided, and i can't help it. anybody reading this is prolly thinking that i'm such a creepo, and i'm sorry haha. i just don't know how to fix my feelings, how to fix my situation, how to fix me. and i'm getting tired of trying to figure out why things are the way they are. sometimes, i feel like i don't belong here at home, or SLO, or anywhere. i just feel like there's no place for me anywhere with anyone and that i only have myself to blame. i get so freaking depressed and lonely sometimes even when i shouldn't and i hate it. i hate having to feel these things because they're such terrible feelings. it's like i'm stuck again, trapped in my own faults, in my own limitations. there's so much that i would want to do that would make me happy, and the only thing holding me from pursuing them is my own self. i am stuck because of me.
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1) Microeconomics Class
2) Write Letters to Grandparents
3) Watch Movies
4) Drive More
4) Earn Some Money
i think if i try to focus on the items listed above for the next couple of weeks, i'll be better.
-------------------
1) Microeconomics Class
2) Write Letters to Grandparents
3) Watch Movies
4) Drive More
4) Earn Some Money
i think if i try to focus on the items listed above for the next couple of weeks, i'll be better.