dare you to move
its been a while since i've updated this thing... don't know why i keep waiting to do it.
i'm in dothan again. i got a call last night from scott that my pops wasnt doing too good and that i should prolly go there now to be with grams. i immediately shut down my comp and grabbed what clean clothes were lying on the couch (thank god i did laundry!) and took off. as soon as i got outside i realize that ben had taken my car to work b/c his didnt have any gas. so, i took jazz and we got in his car, drove to the gas station right next to our house (thank god again....), and i put my last 5 dollars in for gas. then i drove up to walmart and got in my car. luckily, it had just enough gas to get to dothan.
meanwhile, before i left the house i tried to call ben at walmart. the first time i called electronics, no one picked up. the 2nd time i called a girl picked up and i said that i need her to page ben and she says hold on. so i hold on.... all the way til i get in the walmart parking lot. no one answered. so i called back and said, "look, this is an emergency or else i wouldnt be calling this many times. i need you to page ben for me." and do you believe she had the balls to get pissy with me? she says, "well does he even work here?" i almost blew up.. i said, "yeah of course he works there!! he's in electronics and he's a cashier, so go and find him." she told me to hold and within a min ben picked up the phone. i was so mad. i told him to please come outside - i needed to see him. he did and i told him that he really needs to tell the manager about her and that it shouldnt take 30 min to reach you in an emergency. to make this long story somewhat shorter, she came over to ben later that night and asked if he got my call. he told her he did and he told her that it was an emergency and that she didnt have to be mean about it and he continued to tell her about pops. he said that she felt bad about it then and apologized. good. she should feel bad. dont answer the damn phones if you're going to be a bitch about it. (getting mad just thinking about it)
so here i am. i got here last night. he was in bed for a long time, grams said. wouldnt wake up much. the nurse said she couldnt hear his heart beat from his chest or back anymore. we were all scared. then, around 2am he woke up and walked into his bathroom in their bedroom. grams came out in the living room (i was still awake) and told me. i went in there and sure enough he was walking. pretty amazing since the last 2 times he's tried to stand up, he's fallen. so, he gets back in bed with my help and i get him a half glass of water and a half glass of pepsi. he says he wants to watch some tv so grams turns on the tv. we all sit in there and watch it for a while until he asks grams if she wants "to go in the closet?" and she says, "no, why would i want to do that?" and he said, "the, the, the den" and so we got up and went in the living room so he could smoke. i practically carried him to the living room and sat him down. he could barely hold the cig, thought he had it in his mouth a few times and didnt. dropped it a few times. made a few holes in the blanket over him b/c he couldnt hold it. spilt his pepsi on him b/c he couldnt hold the glass steady and it tipped over. i got him up and changed his clothes and cleaned his chair for him. after a while we got him to go back to bed and he fell asleep shortly after 4:30. I went to bed about 5.
I got up around noon today and got in the shower. I told grams that I would clean up the house for the guests we're gonna have soon and that she can go and run errands. I really think she needs to get out of here for a while. So that's what I did. When I got out of the shower, pops had gotten up!! he was sitting in his chair so I got him his usual Pepsi and cigs. I cleaned up the kitchen, swept, did dishes, etc. Later on today I cleaned up the spare room too b/c pop's sis is coming in from Ohio tomorrow. She'll need a place to sleep.
so, everyone has gone to bed now. except me of course... i'm always last to fall asleep and i hate that. :(
i miss being at home, but i love being here too. you know, a lot of people think that helping out around here is hard to do, or something that i wouldnt want to do, but i dont mind. i want to be here, i want to help as much as i can. i dont mind getting things for pops, cleaning him up if he needs it, listening to him, helping him walk, its all ok with me b/c it makes me feel so much closer to him. and closer to grandma too cause i know she appreciates it. i know she needs help and i'm here for as long as i can be. i just miss ben. i miss having someone to sleep with at night. someone to keep me company. i'm terrible about that. i think i have to have someone awake for me to fall asleep at night. even though ben is NEVER awake when i fall asleep. it just feels so much better. but anyway, what i want to say, is that i love being here and feeling needed and wanted. like tonight- we were all in sam's shopping and pops was in his wheelchair.. (he wanted to go b/c he said he didnt have anything else to do) and pat (his daughter) was pushing him and i was walking with grandma... and halfway through the store he told pat to go with grams and me to come with him and we went to another part of the store. that made me feel so good, it was indescribable. strange how that works, huh?
well, now that i've made one of those "i did this and this and this today" posts that i hate so much, i guess it is time for bed. i just want a record of what happened to be written down b/c my memory is starting to go on me. not so good since i've been on these meds. i want to be able to read this and know how i felt and know what was going on.
its amazing how much he's fighting....
-WoLf
"I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." -Christopher Reeve
I love you Pops!
i'm in dothan again. i got a call last night from scott that my pops wasnt doing too good and that i should prolly go there now to be with grams. i immediately shut down my comp and grabbed what clean clothes were lying on the couch (thank god i did laundry!) and took off. as soon as i got outside i realize that ben had taken my car to work b/c his didnt have any gas. so, i took jazz and we got in his car, drove to the gas station right next to our house (thank god again....), and i put my last 5 dollars in for gas. then i drove up to walmart and got in my car. luckily, it had just enough gas to get to dothan.
meanwhile, before i left the house i tried to call ben at walmart. the first time i called electronics, no one picked up. the 2nd time i called a girl picked up and i said that i need her to page ben and she says hold on. so i hold on.... all the way til i get in the walmart parking lot. no one answered. so i called back and said, "look, this is an emergency or else i wouldnt be calling this many times. i need you to page ben for me." and do you believe she had the balls to get pissy with me? she says, "well does he even work here?" i almost blew up.. i said, "yeah of course he works there!! he's in electronics and he's a cashier, so go and find him." she told me to hold and within a min ben picked up the phone. i was so mad. i told him to please come outside - i needed to see him. he did and i told him that he really needs to tell the manager about her and that it shouldnt take 30 min to reach you in an emergency. to make this long story somewhat shorter, she came over to ben later that night and asked if he got my call. he told her he did and he told her that it was an emergency and that she didnt have to be mean about it and he continued to tell her about pops. he said that she felt bad about it then and apologized. good. she should feel bad. dont answer the damn phones if you're going to be a bitch about it. (getting mad just thinking about it)
so here i am. i got here last night. he was in bed for a long time, grams said. wouldnt wake up much. the nurse said she couldnt hear his heart beat from his chest or back anymore. we were all scared. then, around 2am he woke up and walked into his bathroom in their bedroom. grams came out in the living room (i was still awake) and told me. i went in there and sure enough he was walking. pretty amazing since the last 2 times he's tried to stand up, he's fallen. so, he gets back in bed with my help and i get him a half glass of water and a half glass of pepsi. he says he wants to watch some tv so grams turns on the tv. we all sit in there and watch it for a while until he asks grams if she wants "to go in the closet?" and she says, "no, why would i want to do that?" and he said, "the, the, the den" and so we got up and went in the living room so he could smoke. i practically carried him to the living room and sat him down. he could barely hold the cig, thought he had it in his mouth a few times and didnt. dropped it a few times. made a few holes in the blanket over him b/c he couldnt hold it. spilt his pepsi on him b/c he couldnt hold the glass steady and it tipped over. i got him up and changed his clothes and cleaned his chair for him. after a while we got him to go back to bed and he fell asleep shortly after 4:30. I went to bed about 5.
I got up around noon today and got in the shower. I told grams that I would clean up the house for the guests we're gonna have soon and that she can go and run errands. I really think she needs to get out of here for a while. So that's what I did. When I got out of the shower, pops had gotten up!! he was sitting in his chair so I got him his usual Pepsi and cigs. I cleaned up the kitchen, swept, did dishes, etc. Later on today I cleaned up the spare room too b/c pop's sis is coming in from Ohio tomorrow. She'll need a place to sleep.
so, everyone has gone to bed now. except me of course... i'm always last to fall asleep and i hate that. :(
i miss being at home, but i love being here too. you know, a lot of people think that helping out around here is hard to do, or something that i wouldnt want to do, but i dont mind. i want to be here, i want to help as much as i can. i dont mind getting things for pops, cleaning him up if he needs it, listening to him, helping him walk, its all ok with me b/c it makes me feel so much closer to him. and closer to grandma too cause i know she appreciates it. i know she needs help and i'm here for as long as i can be. i just miss ben. i miss having someone to sleep with at night. someone to keep me company. i'm terrible about that. i think i have to have someone awake for me to fall asleep at night. even though ben is NEVER awake when i fall asleep. it just feels so much better. but anyway, what i want to say, is that i love being here and feeling needed and wanted. like tonight- we were all in sam's shopping and pops was in his wheelchair.. (he wanted to go b/c he said he didnt have anything else to do) and pat (his daughter) was pushing him and i was walking with grandma... and halfway through the store he told pat to go with grams and me to come with him and we went to another part of the store. that made me feel so good, it was indescribable. strange how that works, huh?
well, now that i've made one of those "i did this and this and this today" posts that i hate so much, i guess it is time for bed. i just want a record of what happened to be written down b/c my memory is starting to go on me. not so good since i've been on these meds. i want to be able to read this and know how i felt and know what was going on.
its amazing how much he's fighting....
-WoLf
"I think a hero is an ordinary individual who finds strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." -Christopher Reeve
I love you Pops!