:(
well here i am in dothan again. its 4:17am and i'm wide awake.
i got a phone call yesterday around noon - my mom called and asked if i would go with grandma to pick her and my brother and my uncle up from atlanta. i didnt really know what was going on, but she said that my pawpaw wasnt doing too good. Hospice decided to put him on morphine. The color of his skin is a yellowish-green. Mom says that the doctor is doing bloodwork on him b/c they suspect that his liver is failing. The doctor said that if he lives 30 days, he'll be surpised. That's why mom, mike, and my uncle frankie flew in.
he looks so bad now. he's not able to walk on his own, drink on his own, eat on his own. he cant even hold the mouthpiece to his breathing treatments anymore. he's not making any sense when he talks. he doesnt know when people ore there or when they've gone or how they even got there. he didnt eat anything at all yesterday, so when we got home from the airport, frankie fixed him an egg sandwhich. he threw that up. couldnt stop coughing. couldnt breath. he would take his inhaler and you could just watch it come right out of his mouth cause he just had no way to suck it in.
god and to top it all off - on my way to atl. i got lost - duh- and i call my dad and ask him. i end up having to tell him about pawpaw and right before we hang up he says, "hey, hey hey.. i know there's going to be a lot of people there and all... " and he pauses, so i'm thinking omg he's going to be nice and say he wants to drop by to see pawpaw... he says, "if you're brother and you dont have anywhere to sleep, you can crash over here." what kinda shit is that? i should have known better than to think he's be nice and wanna come over here to see his ex-father-in-law before he goes. nope. i know its just because he wants to see mike. i hate him.
i know i'm going to lose it soon. i can feel it. now cry to ben, i can. in fact, i want to do that now... but he has to get up for work at 7am and i know he needs his sleep. i just dont know what i'm going to do. i dont know what i should do. i dont know what i can do. i feel so lost.
-WoLf
i got a phone call yesterday around noon - my mom called and asked if i would go with grandma to pick her and my brother and my uncle up from atlanta. i didnt really know what was going on, but she said that my pawpaw wasnt doing too good. Hospice decided to put him on morphine. The color of his skin is a yellowish-green. Mom says that the doctor is doing bloodwork on him b/c they suspect that his liver is failing. The doctor said that if he lives 30 days, he'll be surpised. That's why mom, mike, and my uncle frankie flew in.
he looks so bad now. he's not able to walk on his own, drink on his own, eat on his own. he cant even hold the mouthpiece to his breathing treatments anymore. he's not making any sense when he talks. he doesnt know when people ore there or when they've gone or how they even got there. he didnt eat anything at all yesterday, so when we got home from the airport, frankie fixed him an egg sandwhich. he threw that up. couldnt stop coughing. couldnt breath. he would take his inhaler and you could just watch it come right out of his mouth cause he just had no way to suck it in.
god and to top it all off - on my way to atl. i got lost - duh- and i call my dad and ask him. i end up having to tell him about pawpaw and right before we hang up he says, "hey, hey hey.. i know there's going to be a lot of people there and all... " and he pauses, so i'm thinking omg he's going to be nice and say he wants to drop by to see pawpaw... he says, "if you're brother and you dont have anywhere to sleep, you can crash over here." what kinda shit is that? i should have known better than to think he's be nice and wanna come over here to see his ex-father-in-law before he goes. nope. i know its just because he wants to see mike. i hate him.
i know i'm going to lose it soon. i can feel it. now cry to ben, i can. in fact, i want to do that now... but he has to get up for work at 7am and i know he needs his sleep. i just dont know what i'm going to do. i dont know what i should do. i dont know what i can do. i feel so lost.
-WoLf