athenagrace's post
As athenagrace posted:
"I am crawling out of my skin right now. This swing really blindsided me -- none of the usual warning signs. I am irritable with a capital I. My brain and mouth seem to be at odds with each other.
I'm pissed because my husband has barely had any sex with my lately, but yet if he touched me right now, I'd slap his hand away.
I was being insecure and he was trying to hold me and make me feel better, and all I could think was "I TOLD you dinner would be ready in a few minutes, let me eat!"
I told him that I wanted ice cream, so he drove to get me some (no small feat, since we are in BumFuck, remember? Also, it made him miss some of his Into the West show.) The only thing that fit my classifcation happened to be soy icecream. I took a bite. It was awful. I wanted to say "Thank you Anyways" but it came out "This tastes AWFUL"
So I drove in my car and got more. Except my eyes were bigger than my stomach, and in my little mania I bought three different desserts from Dairy Queen; I am slowly nursing one while the others languish in the freezer. I eel retarded for getting so many, because of course I am Fat and Ugly and icecream isn't going to help!
I came back and wanted to kick the dogs for jumping on me. Such cute little faces, and I wanted to kick the shit out of them. Get off me, leave me alone!!! It's funny how in these states my mantra is "Leave me ALONE" but really all I want is someone to stay and help distract me from my mind going crazy.
So now I'm angry and irritable and hate to be alone but I know that anyone who is near me is just going to suffer from a barrage of abuse because I'm pissed at the world.
I'm not even sure of where I'm going to post this, because I'm afriad of the comments I'll receive. I don't want to hear any of those "Well, if your husband really loves you, he would stay with you till you feel better," because that is FUCKING BULLSHIT. I know he loves me; letting himself be insulted due to imagined slights isn't going to prove he loves me -- it proves he's a good punching bag. And of COURSE, I don't want to have people tell me to calm down, it's not to bad, you're blowing things out of proportion, blah blah fucking blah, cause how the HELL DO YOU KNOW? Don't tell me I'm doing it for attention, don't tell me to stop thinking -- I'm angry and scared and sad and hyper all at the same time, and it makes me want to just want to pace and wander around looking for a "safe" spot where maybe my mind can calm the fuck down for a second, so I won't kill my dogs or slap my husband or accost a girl scout if she came to my door selling cookies.
RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
God Girl.. I feel you there.. I really do. I have a few of these days a week... and the whole "walking through Walmart thinking, 'Get the Fuck out of my way' thing" I can identify with... Strange.
-WoLf
"I am crawling out of my skin right now. This swing really blindsided me -- none of the usual warning signs. I am irritable with a capital I. My brain and mouth seem to be at odds with each other.
I'm pissed because my husband has barely had any sex with my lately, but yet if he touched me right now, I'd slap his hand away.
I was being insecure and he was trying to hold me and make me feel better, and all I could think was "I TOLD you dinner would be ready in a few minutes, let me eat!"
I told him that I wanted ice cream, so he drove to get me some (no small feat, since we are in BumFuck, remember? Also, it made him miss some of his Into the West show.) The only thing that fit my classifcation happened to be soy icecream. I took a bite. It was awful. I wanted to say "Thank you Anyways" but it came out "This tastes AWFUL"
So I drove in my car and got more. Except my eyes were bigger than my stomach, and in my little mania I bought three different desserts from Dairy Queen; I am slowly nursing one while the others languish in the freezer. I eel retarded for getting so many, because of course I am Fat and Ugly and icecream isn't going to help!
I came back and wanted to kick the dogs for jumping on me. Such cute little faces, and I wanted to kick the shit out of them. Get off me, leave me alone!!! It's funny how in these states my mantra is "Leave me ALONE" but really all I want is someone to stay and help distract me from my mind going crazy.
So now I'm angry and irritable and hate to be alone but I know that anyone who is near me is just going to suffer from a barrage of abuse because I'm pissed at the world.
I'm not even sure of where I'm going to post this, because I'm afriad of the comments I'll receive. I don't want to hear any of those "Well, if your husband really loves you, he would stay with you till you feel better," because that is FUCKING BULLSHIT. I know he loves me; letting himself be insulted due to imagined slights isn't going to prove he loves me -- it proves he's a good punching bag. And of COURSE, I don't want to have people tell me to calm down, it's not to bad, you're blowing things out of proportion, blah blah fucking blah, cause how the HELL DO YOU KNOW? Don't tell me I'm doing it for attention, don't tell me to stop thinking -- I'm angry and scared and sad and hyper all at the same time, and it makes me want to just want to pace and wander around looking for a "safe" spot where maybe my mind can calm the fuck down for a second, so I won't kill my dogs or slap my husband or accost a girl scout if she came to my door selling cookies.
RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
God Girl.. I feel you there.. I really do. I have a few of these days a week... and the whole "walking through Walmart thinking, 'Get the Fuck out of my way' thing" I can identify with... Strange.
-WoLf