Dialing for Dummies
~A call received at work in the church office~
ME: Hello, [name of church]
CALLER: Hello, is this [name of church]?
:Didn't I just say that?:
ME: Yes, what can I do for you?
CALLER: I'm with [some national directory of churches thing]. Is the address of [name of church] still [address of church]?
ME: Yes.
CALLER: Does the church have a separate mailing address, like a PO Box?
ME: No, that's the mailing address.
CALLER: Are you sure?
ME: Quite certain.
CALLER: Is the pastor Patricia [lastname]?
ME: Yes--
CALLER: I mean, PATRICE [lastname]?
ME: Er, no, it's Patricia. You were right the first time.
CALLER: Patrice?
ME: No, PATRICIA.
CALLER: I have "Patrice" here.
ME: The name should be "Patricia".
CALLER: Is that spelled P-A-T-R-I-C-I-A?
ME: Yes.
:headdeskheaddeskheaddesk:
CALLER: All right, I have down here that your denomination is United Church of Christ?
ME: Yes, and the Presbyterian Church USA.
CALLER: All right. So then, this is no longer [name of church]?
:stunned silence:
ME: Uh, no, I never said that. It's still [name of church].
CALLER: But you said that it's now a United Methodist church.
:Bzuh?:
ME: No, I never said anything of the kind. I said that in addition to our being affiliated with the UCC we are ALSO affiliated with the Presbyterian Church USA, the PCUSA. I never said that we aren't [name of church]. We're still [name of church].
CALLER: So you aren't a United Church of Christ Church?
ME: Yes, both that AND Presbyterian. We are a dual affiliation church--we are affiliated with the UCC and with the PCUSA.
:some other stuff about membership and average weekly attendance:
What is WRONG with this woman? How does she take "and the Presbyterian Church USA" to mean "this is no longer [name of church] and is now a United Methodist church"? If you can't tell the difference between people saying "Presbyterian" and "Methodist" I think you should consider other career fields besides polling people about their church info. And I took it easy on you all--it took a few more repetitions to convince her that our pastor's name is "Patricia" and not "Patrice".
:headdesk again: