THINKING OF THIS NEWNESS
its been much too long and how many times have little phrases, words and ideas popped in my head with the intention of getting them on this page. many many times over the summer and even when i was in brasil. but then for a long time its like i forgot this page ever existed and as i scrolled down to look at the last posts they seemed so foreign and distant. have i come along so far since then? has my 4 month stay away from home changed me that much?
to say im not coming home a different person would be a lie. but really how much has changed? how much have i changed?
i cant believe it will all be over in a matter of days.
the time went by so fast and before i know it i'll be on a plane back home.
i still remember so clearly arriving at LAX to catch my flight on Korean Air to Sao Paolo.
arriving in Salvador and catching a cab with Omid. Strangers in a different country where there's strange accent on their words that sometimes sound like spanish. Its like it was yesterday that me, astrid, ari nella and jamie had dinner just around the corner from our hotel. to think of all the people i didnt know who later became a part of my everday life, who will be a part of my memories forever, who made me laugh and angry and happy and feel so many things.
to think that being there would lead to me to make some decisions that i never even thought about before. but these i think are all good things. good decisions that seemed crazy at first but only seem to make so much sense later.
i remember telling elisa about how i would be leaving brasil and coming back home having lost two friends... and how sad i felt after reading that email. i just assumed about the situation of one because i dont think it will settle well, this newness, and maybe it would take longer to reach that friend level. but i really dont know, i can only hope that things wont be terribly awkward.
buuut, maybe its not the end of another, and maybe another beginning. maybe that other relationship/friendship really did get in the way with it before and maybe now that there has been time for healing, on one's own, things can really progress.
i want to go back and make amends. contact those i lost contact with. see those i hadnt seen.
should i write stephanie back? i found it rather odd that she decided to write me out of nowhere to announce that she was married and had a child by the name of yada yada and then to quickly add in "how are you doing"
what a plain message i thought. it actually kind of upset me at first. so congratulations?....
i didnt get to talk to my mom today cause she had stepped out to grab some coffee with jessica....
............
but my dad told me she's decided to get the surgery.
its going to be tough cause it puts you out of work for a very long time.
if its real soon atleast i know i'll be there.
but otherwise i may have to make sure i can come back atleast for a while to help out. im just worried about who will take care of her. with my grandma gone it does make it tough. really wish she could be here for it. i dont think sophia would commit. its got me a little worried but i guess all i can do is wait and see when it will be and what we will do.
so they're back online which means i'll have to go.
im getting tired but im sure i wont fall asleep on the keyboard this time.
to say im not coming home a different person would be a lie. but really how much has changed? how much have i changed?
i cant believe it will all be over in a matter of days.
the time went by so fast and before i know it i'll be on a plane back home.
i still remember so clearly arriving at LAX to catch my flight on Korean Air to Sao Paolo.
arriving in Salvador and catching a cab with Omid. Strangers in a different country where there's strange accent on their words that sometimes sound like spanish. Its like it was yesterday that me, astrid, ari nella and jamie had dinner just around the corner from our hotel. to think of all the people i didnt know who later became a part of my everday life, who will be a part of my memories forever, who made me laugh and angry and happy and feel so many things.
to think that being there would lead to me to make some decisions that i never even thought about before. but these i think are all good things. good decisions that seemed crazy at first but only seem to make so much sense later.
i remember telling elisa about how i would be leaving brasil and coming back home having lost two friends... and how sad i felt after reading that email. i just assumed about the situation of one because i dont think it will settle well, this newness, and maybe it would take longer to reach that friend level. but i really dont know, i can only hope that things wont be terribly awkward.
buuut, maybe its not the end of another, and maybe another beginning. maybe that other relationship/friendship really did get in the way with it before and maybe now that there has been time for healing, on one's own, things can really progress.
i want to go back and make amends. contact those i lost contact with. see those i hadnt seen.
should i write stephanie back? i found it rather odd that she decided to write me out of nowhere to announce that she was married and had a child by the name of yada yada and then to quickly add in "how are you doing"
what a plain message i thought. it actually kind of upset me at first. so congratulations?....
i didnt get to talk to my mom today cause she had stepped out to grab some coffee with jessica....
............
but my dad told me she's decided to get the surgery.
its going to be tough cause it puts you out of work for a very long time.
if its real soon atleast i know i'll be there.
but otherwise i may have to make sure i can come back atleast for a while to help out. im just worried about who will take care of her. with my grandma gone it does make it tough. really wish she could be here for it. i dont think sophia would commit. its got me a little worried but i guess all i can do is wait and see when it will be and what we will do.
so they're back online which means i'll have to go.
im getting tired but im sure i wont fall asleep on the keyboard this time.