(no subject)
so the journal thing didn't really work...i was actually on but too bored to write. these 2 weeks have seemed a little pointless. well, parties and ppl at my house were good but the rest of the time ive just been sitting at home doing fuck all or falling asleep, which i hate becasue it feels like such a waste of time. and we STILL havn't got a holiday. i am actually looking forward to going away aswell, even if it is with my family and im just going to get left on my own. i think its guys that have been depressing me, you probably all heard my dilemma last week and now i have neither of them. kwas is off to uni anyway, and ben, who seemed so good (well compared to other guys, maybe its just cuz he's tall) is actually a bit of a twat. possibly comes with the name. i did realise this at the kes prom where he ignored me all night after flirting loads at the ehs prom. he then pulled me on monday and pulled a girl i know on wed. wed was poss my own fault because i did leave him to go be with kwas, but as soon as i came bak he was all over [her] so i just left again. pulled greg just to make myself feel a bit better, and because i knew i could. how low is that.
phoned ben last night but didnt say anything about it. i could hear him on the comp-he has blanked me on msn for a week, but was prob talking to [number 2] or [number 3] (i bet im like [number 1769625070273076539.556530927507] on his stupid fucking long list of girls he thinks will all like him). he comes across as such a geek but was actually quite good, and is a bit of a player. players are fine if they actually act like players, but he's not good enough. or maybe he's too good, oh i dont know. but anyway, phoned him and nothing came from it other than finding out he's gone to south africa today, and him telling me about how much fun he had last fri. i was gonna go with him, but he told me he wasnt going. he then had the cheek to say 'where were you last fri?' ugh. so i text him this morn saying that i wanted to know either way, and he said what he's already said but just not to me...that he just wants to be friends as he values my friendship more. blatantly meaning he doesn't fancy me at all. AM I GREEN? DO I HAVE SCALES? arrrrrgh. well uno what, i dnt need another friend (lie-i love having loads of friends) real reason, i know it either wouldnt be platonic, or it would be platonic and then id never get him. i still want him really, so if im just friends and make myself believe that, then he's gone.
it was my own fault on wednesday and i am SO pissed off with myself. the music...i told someone to get their hands off kwas, but where did that get me? shoulda used it about ben. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
i really want to find somebody else but who????? {advert advert} no, really.
phoned ben last night but didnt say anything about it. i could hear him on the comp-he has blanked me on msn for a week, but was prob talking to [number 2] or [number 3] (i bet im like [number 1769625070273076539.556530927507] on his stupid fucking long list of girls he thinks will all like him). he comes across as such a geek but was actually quite good, and is a bit of a player. players are fine if they actually act like players, but he's not good enough. or maybe he's too good, oh i dont know. but anyway, phoned him and nothing came from it other than finding out he's gone to south africa today, and him telling me about how much fun he had last fri. i was gonna go with him, but he told me he wasnt going. he then had the cheek to say 'where were you last fri?' ugh. so i text him this morn saying that i wanted to know either way, and he said what he's already said but just not to me...that he just wants to be friends as he values my friendship more. blatantly meaning he doesn't fancy me at all. AM I GREEN? DO I HAVE SCALES? arrrrrgh. well uno what, i dnt need another friend (lie-i love having loads of friends) real reason, i know it either wouldnt be platonic, or it would be platonic and then id never get him. i still want him really, so if im just friends and make myself believe that, then he's gone.
it was my own fault on wednesday and i am SO pissed off with myself. the music...i told someone to get their hands off kwas, but where did that get me? shoulda used it about ben. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
i really want to find somebody else but who????? {advert advert} no, really.