(no subject)
Everyone has been updating their journals with these incredibly interesting or insightful entries lately and I haven't said a thing. I don't know, there really isn't anything all that exciting going in my life right now, nor is there anything that I want to make a bold statement about. There are totally things going on in my mind, but I don't really have anyone to tell. I mean, I know people will listen, but sometimes I feel like people are just humoring me. I talked to Janette for a little while yesterday and that was nice. We spent most of the time discussing her issue with Allison, but it was still nice to talk to her. I feel like I've lost most of my friends from home. Ashley likes to poke fun at me for moving, and I totally don't mind, but sometimes I think, "Why would I go back?" The only friend I really still talk to on a regular basis is Ashley. And trust me when I say that I will really miss her when I'm in Boston, but I don't have a big support system in NY anymore. It's no one person's fault. I'm bad at keeping in touch with people, and everyone's always so busy. I never talk to Allison any more, I talk to Matt maybe once a month. There just isn't much hold me to Ballston Lake anymore except memories. Memories are a powerful pull, but I can't help looking toward the future. Shouldn't I want to move forward? I don't know if I'll be perfectly content in Boston, but I can't see myself living in Ballston Lake any more. It feels too small, too... I don't know. When I'm home it's like I never grew up, when I'm at school it's like I'm an adult. I suppose that everyone feels like that, but I feel stuck when I'm in Ballston Lake. There isn't a lot to do, which we like to joke about, but it's boring. I don't want to spend my nights in the same places in Saratoga or Albany. I want to explore. I want to experience new things. Maybe it's because I never got to study abroad like I wanted to. Maybe it's because I always felt like I was living in someone's shadow, always the little tag along. I don't feel that here. I'm seen for my accomplishments and I'm not ashamed of them. I'm proud of what I've done, and I don't feel bad about it. I don't think people that go home after graduating are bad or inferior in some way, I just don't think it's for me. Anyway, I suppose this ended up being a, somewhat, insightful entry.