So I promised no drama in this LJ
Shorty and I have been dating over a year. She likes to complain, and I will admit that her life has an unreasonable amount of misery associated that isn't her fault. But sometimes you just have to try your best to move forward. Well, last Wed she calls me, a lot of complaining about work, school, and finding a job after school. I try to help (or at least truly believe that I'm trying to help) in pointing out some harsh realities and offering some difficult suggestions. Friday comes, we talk on the phone about some usual silly stuff and I ask her to call me when she gets up Sat and hopefully we can hang out.
Sat morning she knocks on my door out of nowhere and asks for the key to her apartment back, saying she needs space. Well, fine, I was being kind of harsh and if you cant take that from your boyfriend, who can you take it from? So I'm not really sure what the status is but thinking to myself "I've been in this situation before, I'm going to let 2 weeks go by before contacting her, otherwise I look weak and desperate" (yes, I may be playing a power game at this point).
Then sunday I get a text from her like "I'm sorry, I made it seem like your fault, but its not its both of our fault" I just let it go.
Then today I get a text on my phone saying "Heat advisory - hope ur inside." And it is a weird format that is not from anyone in particular. But based on speech patterns, sounds like it is from Shorty. Nobody else I know uses the 'ur' format. But if she wants space, why is she sending me worthless crap about the weather? And more importantly, why is it anonymous?
On another note, I have been feeling very homesick for all my friends in Virginia. I talked to one of them recently and when I told him that Indiana life isn't quite what I hoped, he took it as an insult against him and the straightforward relationship that we had 5 years ago. The reason I like him is because we can be blunt with one another and share things like that, and I think he has a really good point. But basically "IN is not what I hoped it would be" and then more or less "We all wanted to go out there on a road trip and visit you but realized you were happier without us." And its true, I mean, my old HS crew tried to contact me about twice a year and I just never responded because I didnt know how to begin. We have this thing where none of us can afford to care about each other, but we have an incredible level of intellectual respect for one another and that's almost more valuable than a true friendship. I really hope that makes sense to those of you with which I actually do have a true friendship with.
In fact, I have been alienating people for the last 5 years by abandoing them in my personal quest for happiness. And it really hasn't been working out for me, the Shorty crises being a rather predictable development.
The final thing I want to say is that
brotherdiesel and
dirtntrees and
princessmab have been better friends to me than I have been to them and I just want to say thank you. At this point I think I need to come back to you, even if it takes another year for me to be ready to move. But again, I have made 2 friends here in Indiana that mean as much to me and one will be okay, but not sure how the other will react. Seems like maybe I made a big mistake and can't move on without hurting somebody.
Anyway, I obviously am going to need to elaborate because this is a side of me I tend not to share. But since I am being brutally honest to myself, I invite everyone out there to do the same to me, and I promise I won't hold it against you.