Mourning an old friend.
Last week, Rodburn was acting funny. He found all new hiding spots around the house, and all were on hard surfaces. Usually, he is a cat who craves his comfort - he seeks footstools and molded desk chairs. Instead, he kept sleeping under the coffee table and in corners. I took him to the vet Saturday morning and got the bad news - his kidneys were in very early stages of failure. They showed me how to run an IV to provide him subcutaneous fluids once a day, and they gave him laxatives. He was so dehydrated he had become constipated.
It was a rough weekend for my old boy. I don't have it in me to recount it all again - sufficed to say, he went downhill very quickly.
Mick & I took him in Monday morning to see the vet again. I cradled him in my arms until the veterinarian came in the with needle. I laid him on the table, cupping his head in the palm of my hand, and I looked him straight in the eyes as my left this world. He’s been my constant companion for the last 18 years and I just wanted to do right by him. My heart has been so heavy since. Mind you, not about the euthanasia - it was his time and I just helped see him out with less pain and misery than if I’d let him go on his own. I just MISS him. This morning, in the bathroom, I found a shed whisker. It was a long black whisker with just a little white at the root. As he aged, his whiskers and eyebrows turned white, and it seemed he had another one that was going gray. I sat and had a quiet little cry, then got dressed to head to work. I had a couple of minutes after I finished getting ready, so I sent a message to a friend who has a house full of kittens right now and I asked if I could come visit. I have Merlot’s old laser pointer that I am going to take over there and get them all riled up. They are about 12 weeks old - I’m glad she is helping me out. I don’t want to take one home - I don’t want another cat right now, not yet. I just want to play with kittens and watch them tumble over each other and snuggle and nap and then go home.
After Merlot died, I approached strangers with dogs and asked permission to pet their dog. As it turned out, every person I asked said yes - I got to love on their dog and help my grief ebb slightly. Little by little, I could tell the owner about my sweet girl Merlot and show photos of her without crying. I hope to do the same about Rodburn eventually. A lot of people at work are on my Facebook and have asked me about him - still can’t talk about him without crying. One woman already tried to give me a cat today - that might be a new record.
There is a small part of me that is relieved it is over. I feel almost ashamed to admit that, but he has had incontinence problems for a little while now. I am going to have to pull up the carpet and part of the flooring upstairs where he ruined it. The floorboards are actually warped in one spot. Mick is leaving town for the weekend so I am going to try and get some messy work done. I am going to de-cat what is still left in the house - he had two litter boxes, and a food/water setup in the basement that I haven’t cleaned up yet, and lots of toys under things that he’d bat once and ignore. I am going to rent a carpet cleaner for the dining room, the living room rug and the attic. Even though we are eventually going to redo the floors upstairs, I would like to be able to use storage space up there in the interim without everything smelling like cat pee. I am going to thoroughly mop everything.
And someday I will get another dog, and someday I will have another cat. But for now, I just want to think about my old friend and let myself miss him.
Rodburn Hay
1995 - 2013
It was a rough weekend for my old boy. I don't have it in me to recount it all again - sufficed to say, he went downhill very quickly.
Mick & I took him in Monday morning to see the vet again. I cradled him in my arms until the veterinarian came in the with needle. I laid him on the table, cupping his head in the palm of my hand, and I looked him straight in the eyes as my left this world. He’s been my constant companion for the last 18 years and I just wanted to do right by him. My heart has been so heavy since. Mind you, not about the euthanasia - it was his time and I just helped see him out with less pain and misery than if I’d let him go on his own. I just MISS him. This morning, in the bathroom, I found a shed whisker. It was a long black whisker with just a little white at the root. As he aged, his whiskers and eyebrows turned white, and it seemed he had another one that was going gray. I sat and had a quiet little cry, then got dressed to head to work. I had a couple of minutes after I finished getting ready, so I sent a message to a friend who has a house full of kittens right now and I asked if I could come visit. I have Merlot’s old laser pointer that I am going to take over there and get them all riled up. They are about 12 weeks old - I’m glad she is helping me out. I don’t want to take one home - I don’t want another cat right now, not yet. I just want to play with kittens and watch them tumble over each other and snuggle and nap and then go home.
After Merlot died, I approached strangers with dogs and asked permission to pet their dog. As it turned out, every person I asked said yes - I got to love on their dog and help my grief ebb slightly. Little by little, I could tell the owner about my sweet girl Merlot and show photos of her without crying. I hope to do the same about Rodburn eventually. A lot of people at work are on my Facebook and have asked me about him - still can’t talk about him without crying. One woman already tried to give me a cat today - that might be a new record.
There is a small part of me that is relieved it is over. I feel almost ashamed to admit that, but he has had incontinence problems for a little while now. I am going to have to pull up the carpet and part of the flooring upstairs where he ruined it. The floorboards are actually warped in one spot. Mick is leaving town for the weekend so I am going to try and get some messy work done. I am going to de-cat what is still left in the house - he had two litter boxes, and a food/water setup in the basement that I haven’t cleaned up yet, and lots of toys under things that he’d bat once and ignore. I am going to rent a carpet cleaner for the dining room, the living room rug and the attic. Even though we are eventually going to redo the floors upstairs, I would like to be able to use storage space up there in the interim without everything smelling like cat pee. I am going to thoroughly mop everything.
And someday I will get another dog, and someday I will have another cat. But for now, I just want to think about my old friend and let myself miss him.
Rodburn Hay
1995 - 2013